Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu or is he ... child support and benefits .

130 replies

mummywithsmiles · 11/04/2014 18:05

My daughter is 14 weeks old , just got discharged 3 days ago from hospital for the first time.

anyway her dad and i broke up, well he left when she was 2 weeks old in intensive care.

he is refusing to pay child support until i get a job. He earns toughly 2 k a month works full time .

he says he will not pay until im off benefits as its not fair he works his ass off whilst i get to sit on my ass whilst the government pays me too ..and then hr has to lose his wage to pay me too. I get just under 800 a month for daughter but i still think he should pay towards her whether i work or not.

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 11/04/2014 18:07

Contact the Child Maintenance Service. He doesn't get to dictate terms on supporting his child.

TallyGrenshall · 11/04/2014 18:07

Go to the CSA, he doesn't get to decide if/when he pays for his child

MrsTonsofbloodykids · 11/04/2014 18:09

YANBU.

He's an arse hole. Your income isn't relevant his is.

LIZS · 11/04/2014 18:09

He doesn't actually have a choice. Where does the £800 come from ? Are you on Maternity leave and pay ?

Original poster
mummywithsmiles · 11/04/2014 18:11

The only problem is he is out of CSA catchment.

I don't want much I tried to settle for 20 pound a week.
if i waited until i was in work he wouldn't be paying for 5 years which is not fair in my eyes.

OP posts:
Original poster
mummywithsmiles · 11/04/2014 18:12

Lizs that's

income support
child benefit
child tax credits
and dla

think its more like 750

OP posts:
LIZS · 11/04/2014 18:13

The only problem is he is out of CSA catchment. How ?

Is your dd ok now ? unfortunately many mums don't have any choice but to return to work before their child is 5.

Original poster
mummywithsmiles · 11/04/2014 18:16

He left England , i have an appointment next week with an advisor .

if i could go back to work before she was 5 i would but childcare for her would make it near impossible xx

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 11/04/2014 18:18

Congratulations on your little baby girl.
No actual advice other than he is a shit - but sounds like you know this.
have you got plenty of support around you?
Hope you're OK.

LIZS · 11/04/2014 18:18

but bear in mind you would get early years education funding from aged 2 so that may help your childcare costs at least. Is her health issue resolved or longer term ?

FloozeyLoozey · 11/04/2014 18:18

Yes you should work but he should pay maintenance regardless. Why didn't you have a job when you got pregnant?

HappyMummyOfOne · 11/04/2014 18:21

Both parents should support the child they brought into this world. If you were working and he chose not to presumably you would be happy? I doubt it.

He will have to pay though as the current system doesnt do anything about resident parents not paying.

MrsKoala · 11/04/2014 18:21

Floozey - But surely mat leave is up to a year anyway. So even if OP did work, should she go back when she has a 14wk old just so the father will support his child?

Sorry OP, it sounds shit, I have no advice, he sounds like a twat.

expatinscotland · 11/04/2014 18:22

He still has to pay if he is in Wales or Scotland.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 11/04/2014 18:24

Hahahaha good one. him I mean. I've heard that line a few times from what other people have said their ex has said to them and it still shocks me a little that absent parents think that's how it works and that they get to decide the terms and conditions of supporting their offspring. cheeky shit.

nocheeseinhouse · 11/04/2014 18:25

There are reciprocal agreements, you need proper advice from those in the know- a good family solicitor.

Is your baby now well? If she's well, then you may have to go back to work sooner than you planned, child support or no child support.

Original poster
mummywithsmiles · 11/04/2014 18:26

Yes i did work but left my job to move back to London when my daughters health issues were picked up at the 28 week scan for the best treatment.

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 11/04/2014 18:26

Where is he then OP? Presumably not in the UK?

TattyDevine · 11/04/2014 18:26

He's a bellend BTW

Topseyt · 11/04/2014 18:27

The OP talks about being in receipt of DLA, so may have a medical reason for not working before becoming pregnant. There can be many reasons why someone is either working or not. We should not judge without facts.

Also, the 14 week old baby has only just been allowed home from hospital, if I have read things correctly.

I would still register the case with the CSA regardless of whether the baby's father is now living abroad. See what they come up with, or they may be able to get him when he comes back.

To be honest, he sounds like a total arsewipe.

kappadelta · 11/04/2014 18:28

Is the DLA for you or your child OP? Either way taking this into account and the fact that your LO is still very young then he has no place telling you that you need to work.
Anyone who does tell you you need to work without taking this into account should go and swallow their own head.

StealthPolarBear · 11/04/2014 18:29

The OP's daughter is 14 weeks and is coming home for the first time. Work should be the furthest thing on the OP's mind.

kappadelta · 11/04/2014 18:29

Sorry cross post OP

Original poster
mummywithsmiles · 11/04/2014 18:29

Her actual main issue is sorted but she has been left with

hardly a left lung
half a right lung
3 holes in her heart
pulmonary hypertention ( high blood pressure in the heart )
she also cant feed orally.
chronic lung
and katrngengers syndrome.
she is still on breathing support 11 diff meds and a feeding tube.

OP posts: