AIBU and ungrateful to hate MIL bringing food when she comes over

[RedPencilPot]

I've told her as diplomatically as possible that I do my shopping weekly and plan what the family will be eating.

She comes over about twice a month to look after ds whilst we are at work. I always leave food for him but shoe always insists on cooking as she wants to give him 'fresh' food. The things I leave are dinners that I have cooked and then frozen in baby portions at the weekend.

This will really sound bad but her cooking and mine are very different I'm not better, she's not better we are just different. She likes mince, meat, potato type things whereas I don't. I like rice, salad, chicken type dishes.

AIBU to feel undermined? It's happened again today, I'm home early and the dinner I left is still in the fridge and baby got something 'freshly cooked'.

I really don't know what to say.

She is doing us a massive favour by looking after ds, I know this but we don't just get on well generally.

Every time she comes over she has to invite someone to come and keep her company, this bugs the heck out of me, please tell me if I'm sounding precious but I don't like not knowing who will be in my house when I get home.

It's the end of term thank goodness, I must sound v highly strung.

Am ready for a flaming

My own mum says just accept it graciously and say nothing- is she right? I'm crap at hiding my annoyance.

Bornfree well, that's one way of looking at it...

but I guess it kind of hangs on whether the DMiL sees her son as sone kind of prize for whom no girl will ever be good enough. I love my son to shreds but have always maintained that any woman who married him would have to be deaf or perfect, as indeed she is! (Perfcet that is, nothing wrong with her hearing).

Lost control of my son???? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I think it's good that you will be prepared to relax over this, OP.

She isn't feeding him potato waffles with tinned spaghetti, and as a mother you are looking after your child just as well be leaving him with a loving gp who gives him her home cooking, just as well as if you have left your own food for him.

And he might grow up appreciating a wider range of cooking styles - you'll be glad of that when he starts playdates.

You know - playdates - when other people's mothers will be giving him their food!

Hope it all goes well from now on.

Gets desire for potato waffles with tinned spaghetti

erm I couldn't care less if my sons' partners iron their shirts or not (I would actually expect my sons to iron their own shirts, but there we are). My sons aren't my special property/territory and never have been. I want them to be happy and I'm prepared to do what it takes to welcome whomever they choose to spend their lives with - I am not unusual there. I shudder at some of the posts on here, though. I've only ever cried at heartbreaking posts in, say, relationships but I've come close reading this (and the other similar thread on here at the moment).

The implication seems to be 'move over old woman, my time now, you are nothing/an idiot' with a heavy dollop of 'I know everything best'. It is embarrassing how arrogant this is. The contempt for their man's 'other woman' is embarrassing and horrifying - a lot of posters on here make it clear that a MILs 'welcome' is worthless to them, they aren't remotely interested; MIL has had her day now just disappear why don't you, you are no longer required.

Obviously there are some hideous DILs MILs as there are hideous people. I don't agree with the general gist of your post BornFree but I do agree that the DIL has nothing much to lose, whereas the MIL does - she is dependent on her DILs welcome and has a great deal to lose if it is not extended. Maybe you've been so tight OP that MIL has to muscle her way in to make sure she's still on the map?

The only good thing springy is that I don't know anyone with that attitude in real life.

My paternal grandma died when I was twelve. Now thirty-some years later I remember fondly some of the things she cooked for me. She always made me my own sticky ginger cake that I remember the taste of still today. I'm sure my mother didn't particularly like us having a whole cake each to mange on, but I'm glad if it bothered her that she let it go.

OP, I know your child is still very young, but do let them have some things between them that aren't necessarily what you would do but aren't harmful. That cottage pie sort of food might be what your child remembers fondly about their grandma when she is gone. The afternoon tea with granny and her friend might be what is special between them. It is a generous parent that lets the grandparents and grandchildren have their own special relationship.

Good post self

It's been an odd day on here for MIL threads, I also find it depressing. I also have great memories of my childhood that include adored grandparents on both sides if the family. It gives ME pleasure to see that repeated in my own children with mine & DH's parents.

Well done OP on coming back OP.