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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to take offence at being called a slut for parking in the paremt and child bit at Tesco?

179 replies

Anypants · 10/04/2014 14:34

I am a parent. With a child. So it was reasonable to park in the designated area for us types. Man and, I assume, his mother pull up in a pick up to park in bay next to me. I asked if he had a child with him and he said it was none of my business. I said he probably shouldn't have parked there. He said 'who are you?'. I shrugged and left it. He then says 'you know what your problem is? You're a slut'.

Shock

I went a bit mental at him and may have called him a 'silly little bastard' and 'how dare you'. They wandered off then came back and said they were calling the police and reporting me for assault.

Shock

I was this close to hitting him, and I am not a violent person. I spoke to the lady who explained that they were picking up his son and that he suffered from depression. Oh that's alright then. I said there was no need for him to call me a slut and she apologised.

Who knows - if the police come round, what do I do?

OP posts:
oohdaddypig · 10/04/2014 21:15

boney what is your point??

Read the OP's question!!!

pinkr · 10/04/2014 21:17

I can't believe you would confront a random stranger when you have your child with you. You had no idea the temperament of the man and are lucky that you didn't pick on the wrong person and end up being assaulted yourself. There are a lot of dangerous people out there op... You need to take more care

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/04/2014 21:22

oohdaddypig

The point is that no-one (that I can see) has said that its ok to call the OP a slut.

As for the OP's question, it is flawed in that she was called a slut for judging someone, still not ok, and the thread has moved on.

Have you RTFT?

whomadeyougod · 10/04/2014 21:32

what is it with people like you who confront people doing things when it has fuck all to do with you, if you confronted me you would of been calling the police while i went a bit mental , your life must be so boring .

inhibernation · 10/04/2014 21:39

I once accidentally parked in a p&c space in the local Sainsburys car park. It's an awful car park with lots of pillars and unusable spaces. As soon as I realised what I'd done I moved out if it but another car was in my way. Eventually I swung out only for the other driver to swing straight in. I was hot & bothered because a) he had blocked my route out and b) he also had no one else in the car. I wound down my window and said I had moved from the space because it's for parents with children. He was indignant and got out of his car to stand by my driver window and argue. When I refused to speak to him he opened my car door and put his foot in it to stop me closing it. I don't think I handled it well at all but this is how lessons are learned!

MollyHooper · 10/04/2014 22:18

These threads always make me worry that I might be a very self-centered person.

I have never taken any notice to where other people park or if they have children with them. I can't imagine actually peering inside someones car window to see if there is a car seat or not.

Should I be paying more attention?

80sMum · 10/04/2014 22:24

It's high time these parent and child parking spaces were discontinued. They seem to cause all manner of altercations. They're a marketing gimmick, that's all.

Fortysomethingwinelover · 10/04/2014 22:28

Completely agree 80s.

BrianTheMole · 10/04/2014 22:32

Well I would have probably been rude to you if you asked me if I had a child too. I wouldn't have called you a slut though, just told you to mind your own bloody business Wink.

Original poster
Anypants · 10/04/2014 23:21

I think most of you are reasonable in your judgement that I overreacted. I mistakenly thought I could vent on here and in hindsight, I should have just laughed at him. After my earlier exchange with a stranger, I should have known better to expect a balanced response from, well, strangers. Fair enough. I was perfectly polite to him but he confronted me and got my back up. If he had said that he was there to pick up a child without being an arse then it wouldn't have been a problem and the fact that his Mum apologised profusely and excused his behaviour leads me to believe she thought he was over the top too. I don't see why I can't ask someone a question and not expect a barrage of abuse in return. In a car park or on MN.

Lesson learned.

OP posts:
SignoraStronza · 10/04/2014 23:32

Don't know really. You had a p&c space so don't really see why you needed to make issue with someone.

However, I did end up calling some bloke a selfish twat today and questioning his ability to manouvre into a normal space - he'd raced the wrong way up the one way bit and pushed into a space I was indicating to get in to. The last remaining p&c one. So I expertly reversed into a normal space opposite, got out and, as he sauntered out child free, called him out on it.

I am grumpy, knackered, pregnant and the baby was asleep but still feel a bit embarrassed by my behaviour.

I see lots of doddery elderly folk very slowly and painfully parking their micras in the p&c spaces and would never dream of doing the same with them though - just assume they're not quite disabled enough for a blue badge!

WestieMamma · 10/04/2014 23:37

You weren't 'perfectly polite to him'. It isn't polite to pull strangers up on their behaviour when it has no impact on you and to then tell them what they should or shouldn't do when they, quite rightly, tell you to mind your own business.

TheRealYellowWiggle · 11/04/2014 00:02

I don't think the kind of children who can be picked up from supermarkets are really the age range that p&c spaces are aimed at, are they? I'm sure some of the ones near me are names parent&toddler ones in fact - I'd be a bit embarrassed using one with my primary school aged DC only in the car, but would feel fine with toddler there too.
I would never challenge someone using the space without a child, but am sure have involuntarily given disgruntled looks in the direction of people using them incorrectly.

TheRealYellowWiggle · 11/04/2014 00:05

Presumably the OP was not only thinking of the man's impact on her (ie no impact) but of other parents who might have wanted the space? I disagree with the OP's call on this one, but the idea that we should only ever intervene in a situation that is of personal benefit to us makes me quite sad.

Silverdaisy · 11/04/2014 00:09

A simple rule we should all follow is to not make assumptions and then act on them. We do not know what is happening in someone's life.

That person who pulls up into the closest space to the supermarket may have a passenger with a recent diagnosis of terminal cancer. It takes quite a while to be issued with a disability badge so there may be no obvious reasons for needing a special parking space. I also doubt the driver (in the situation i'm describing) would want to shout out loud that their friend hasn't got long to live when attacked for their reasons for parking there

Let things go, life is to short to police car parks.

redbinneo · 11/04/2014 00:14

OP picked a fight, got one and then come on the internet to complain that her pugnacious behavior got a result.

Roshbegosh · 11/04/2014 00:18

Slut wasn't the right word, nutcase would have been better. Or looney angry woman, weirdo even. Not slut.

SavoyCabbage · 11/04/2014 00:22

You were not perfectly polite. You started an argument with him. You can't just go up to people and question their behaviour and motives to assess whether it it breaking a rule.

'Excuse me, I see you are wearing black and colour. You do know that is against the What not to wear rules'

As it happens, he did have a child. Your assessment was incorrect.

You behaved very badly.

Silverdaisy · 11/04/2014 00:23

The fact the mother apologised is not really the point. Maybe the man is always an idiot. But you still confronted a person with no idea of their circumstances - which makes you the trouble starter.

It appears you are annoyed someone stood up to your interfering. Would it be better if the person took your telling off and then you could go in with the day oblivous to what upset the incident may have caused.

YouSayWhaaat · 11/04/2014 05:05

Classic AIBU? - Yes! - No I'm not.

You have had very balanced replies. Just not the ones you wanted.

aGirlDownUnder1 · 11/04/2014 05:17

These threads, make me glad I don't have P&C parks where I live.

OP YABU

Theodorous · 11/04/2014 06:07

That must have been distressing for children in the car which I assume there were otherwise you wouldn't be using the entitled parent space

OwlCapone · 11/04/2014 08:05

I was perfectly polite to him

PMSL. Yes. Of course you were.

I went a bit mental at him and may have called him a 'silly little bastard' and 'how dare you'. They wandered off then came back and said they were calling the police and reporting me for assault.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 11/04/2014 08:11

You involved yourself in something that was none of your business.

You got told to go away. The slut was ott but really you should have walked away.

You then go off like a fishwife.

Kinda proved his point and WE are unreasonable?

charitygirl · 11/04/2014 08:15

Ooh - 'fishwife'! Gendered abuse is totally reasonable on MN.