AIBU to have challenged OH on treatment of our baby

[HuskyBlueEyes]

Hello mumsnetters.. Basically my LG is a little over a month old. Tonight is my OH third night of night feeds. Which he argues about quite a lot. I've woken up to the baby utterly shouting her head off and him telling her to shut the fuck up. He also got the arse and 'quite' roughly changed her vest and sleep suit because she piddled. She does cry at a change I've learnt to accept that from the beginning. She's also slept four hours!!! Which is amazing from her usual 2. So I got up and pointed this out and that sues just hungry, picking up on his anger and getting upset herself. He's told me to fuck off and walked off. Was I being U? I can't remember actually being frustrated to that extent with her getting used to night feeds myself. Yes I got frustrated but not to use rougher movements with her or swear. Am I being pfb I guess. May I add he didn't physically hurt her.

"If husbands across the UK were instructed to divorce every mumsnet partner who had ever sworn in the middle of a wakeful night with a newborn, or changed a sleep suit more roughly than they should have during the early days of severe sleep deprivation - our numbers would be considerably depleted."

You are minimising the abusive behaviour of this man. It's what we do all the time and it is one of the reasons levels of domestic violence are so high.

If we refused to tolerate abusive behaviour, then there would be less of it.

Basil You think it's a massive issue to swear at a loved one when you're at the end of your tether? If it's all the time, then obviously it is a big issue but being an arse once or twice, normal human behaviour I'd say.

waterrat you do realise that most breastfeeders do evry single feed as often these babies won't take a teat?
please point to where in my post I said anything about sitting on the sofa? I didn't.You made that up!
She has no other children to see to , she can go to bed in the day, or early in the evening.Why not go as soon as her DH finishes work and get a solid 5 hours then before he goes to bed.Your DH has to keep his wits about him to hold down the job which is putting food on the table and a roof over their head (of course along with her maternity pay)

Candy it's a huge issue when it also involves roughly handling a nearly newborn

keepcalm - didn't OP say she lives with her mom and her partner stays over two nights a week?

He's certainly not going out to work to keep a roof over their heads and put food on the table.....the OP's mother is doing that.

Ok well I revise my opinion then
If the father does not live with the Op, then I would have thought the purpose of staying over was to help with the baby?

"Basil You think it's a massive issue to swear at a loved one when you're at the end of your tether? If it's all the time, then obviously it is a big issue but being an arse once or twice, normal human behaviour I'd say."

Again, I would say that you are minimising the abusive behaviour of this man.

He hasn't just sworn when he's at the end of his tether has he?

Read the OP's posts again and then imagine a woman doing the same thing and see how forgiving you'd be of her. You'd see immediately what a bad mother she was and what a shitty person. You wouldn't make excuses for her.

Women constantly make excuses for men's abusive behaviour and that is one of the reasons domestic violence levels are so high.

We should stop minimising and stop excusing. There is just no excuse for this behaviour, none.

Is the baby actually his child? Because you've not referred to him as the father OP and everyone seems to have just assumed she is. Given you don't live together I wondered if that was the case?

Hello Husky, I looked for your thread about your MIL and her dog which you mentioned earlier - I didn't realise that you also have a 4yr old DS as well as a whippet. So, OH's pfb but not yours?