to be pissed off my cousin is in this shit situation and i cant report it to soical services as they have a previous record of making the situation worse ?

[hammythehamster]

Name changed for this so as to be not to be recognized in real life, ( although i highly doubt the family i am talking about are the type of people to be logging into mumsnet.)

I'm a student, and have recently got back from spending a long weekend with my aunt and uncle. My aunt and Uncle are heavily involved in the day to day care of their granddaughter, ( my cousins daughter, so technically my second cousin,) but have no legal rights over her. She's 14 and there have been ongoing serious issues with her mum and mum's boyfriend for years. For security reasons i'm going to refer to my cousin by the pseudonym Bella throughout this thread.

I hope people don't mind, but this has been an ongoing mess for over a decade, so it's hard to summarize everything succinctly into one post but i'm doing my best, although this may come out as jumbled and less clear than i intend.

So basically:

1. Bella's mum split up with Bella's dad when she was 2. Sees her dad occasionally but little regular contact, dad does not want responsibility of being involved with her seriously, has been periods of 3 + years without contact, ( his choice,) but now lives locally in a one bedroom flat with his new girlfriend.

2. 10 years ago Bella's mum got together with new boyfriend, total an utter twat "Billy." Bella is very uncomfortable around Billy because it has been a very violent relationship, witnessed many physical fights between him and her mum, hospitalized her mum, chased her mum down the street with a knife, smashed up an ipad and iphone of Bella's which were presents to her from her grandparents, ( my aunt and uncle.) Smashed up her grandparents car, sent many abusive text messages to her grandparents, ( basically threats to kill,) when they expressed concerns. The police are aware of some of these incidents, and at one time Bella and her mum were moved into a flat with specialist domestic violence pull cords, but a couple of years later mum go back together with him again, although now they are living separately, my cousin wants to spend alot of time at his house, understandably Bella does not want to go. The relationship is still violent, ( although as far as i'm aware not as bad a s a few years ago,) and Billy is still very, very controlling.

3. Partially because of their problems re the boyfriend, and partly cos my cousin is frankly horrible, her and Bella do not have a good relationship, and she genuinely seems to be spoiling Bella's teenage years, which really saddens me as this should be a carefree time in her life. She is constantly belittling Bella and calling her fat to her face, telling her her clothes make her look fat etc, ( this was in front of me this weekend so i know it's true,) and telling her she's so horrible that nobody would want to spend any time with her. Also spends many nights away for her job/ staying at Billy's house, leaving Bella aged 14 alone for nights on end, sometimes without much food in he house. Bella told a teacher at school this, who phoned my cousin up, but Bella's mum said she was lying, and school left it. ( which i think is appalling, given the social services history*.)

4. After this, Bella was so desperate for some attention, ( this was at a time earlier this year when her mum was banning her from contact with her grandparents, who she normally spends weeks at a time with, due to complaints they had made to social services.) Bella brought vodka into school, ( new school only been there since September,) and started drinking it in lessons. Bella caught and suspended from school, but her mum and Billy have now used this as an excuse to further isolate her from her friends, banning her from seeing any children outside of school, and taking her phone away. Also Billy, ( even though has no right,) regularly uses his time not working, instead of looking for a job, checking facebook to make sure she doesn't have an account as she is being punished, ( really they are just annoyed she put Facebook statuses explaining she was being left alone and what horrible people they were.) It feels the complete ban on an fb account after this, ( not a temporary punishment for being suspended but an indefinite one,) is really his was of further isolating her/ making her life a misery.

5. Social services History: Reported by a distant relative when Bella was 8, mum lied, SS didn't listen to anyone else, case closed.

Last October, re-opened due to neighbors complaints about violent rows, Bella's mum temporarily in police custody but case dropped due to lack of evidence :( ( despite Bella's statement and police photographs of bruises on Bella.) As soon as ss closed the case, Bella's mum stopped all contact between her parents and Bella, as during the investigation her parents had told social services the truth about what had been happening.

During that five months my aunt and uncle, ( Bella's grandparents,) were hysterical with worry about what was happening to Bella. Bella's mum is now bored of having her in the house so is allowing her to stay for weeks on end at my aunt and uncles again. But it's no life for a child, as Bella has no security as to when she will be forced home, Bella's mum still comes round and forces her go to Billy's house for visits occaisionally, and still refuses to let Bellas grandparents let Bella see hher friends. Reguarly comes round and calls her fat etc.

The worst thing is Billy has still banned bella from seeing her grandparents, so Bellas is lying to him that Bella is in her house alone. He lives in he same town, and Bellas grandparents have to be very careful where they take her, as if he sees her with them he will force her mum to take her home. He checks their fb reguarly from different accounts and so they are not allowed to put any photos of bella on it, as again if he found out sshe was at their house he would make her mum remove her. He once saw a video of Bella on youtube, recognized her grandparents wallpaper in the background and made bella's mum get out of bed and take her home.

So i want to report this to soical services, so her grandparents can gain some legal rights and tell Bella's mum and Billy to fuck the fuck off, of course i do. Bella is such a lovely girl and deserrves a normal childhood, not one in fear and hiding from this nutter.

But i can't do it, becuase both times SS have been involved before nothin has been done, despite Bella, her granparents/ wider family/ neighbours etc telling them whats happening. So if i call them im basically going to cause Bella's mum to take her away again. I could not do that as it would make bella's life hell, but by not calling them she has this half life, where she has to constantly hide in her hometownso Billy does not find her with her grandparents.

Absolutly fed up, any genuine advice wuld e welcome, soical services are great at taking babies away at birth but bloody useless when there is actual abuse/ neglect/ sheer dysfunction going on around older children teenagers.. Sorry for the length of post.
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Yes Stiffstink that has occurred to me as well :( I can see why he would be frightened, as i imagine both my uncle and other male members of the family would seriously physically harm him if any sexual abuse was disclosed. I'm hoping it is just him being a controlling twat though, because surely if you were sexually abusing a child, you would not want to seem so obviously controlling ?

Plus Bella has been with her grandparents for quite a while now and has not given any indication that anything like that has happened.

Both him and her mum have accused both my aunt and uncle and my Nan of buying her "tarts clothes, " though, ( completely normal clothes/ boots etc that other 14 year old's wear. )

And yes to whoever asked, my aunt and uncle would be happy to take her to Greece when they go to visit their other daughter, if they were allowed.

What a sad sad situation. I really feel for Bella and her mother.

They will probably end up with no relationship whatsoever.
Too many victims.

In fairness though littlemisssarcastic it is hard to feel for Bella's mum because she is exposing her daughter to this hellish life and ruining her childhood. You only get one childhood. I might not have children of my own but I know that if i did i would always, always put them first.

I have no sympathy as I have seen the sheer pain infertility has caused some family members and close friends of mine, and then I see Bella's mum, ( and in fairness other people i know as well,) who do not have this trouble having a child and ruining her life. Because i'm doing a teaching degree I know the long term effects this rubbish could have on Bella.

I do realize Bella's mum is in an abusive relationship and clearly has low self esteem and weight issues, but she is the adult with the choices here. Bella has no choice.

And I would also add that independently of Billy she has been quite nasty to Bella, ( calling her fat, taking the cat away, not taking her to CAHMS appointments etc)

This may be a reaction to the stress of her own relationship/ financial problems/ bailiffs etc however it's not really fair of her to take this out on a child.

Was there any luck in court, have you found a solicitor. Bella is entitled to one through legal aid

Just an update, I've just spoken to my aunty on fb.

She's got an appointment with a family solicitor on Friday who is going to help her and my uncle fill out a residency form and apply for residence directly through the family courts. Hopefully CAFFCASS will be more supportive than the fuckwits at ss have been.

My aunty also said if she ever gets through this, ( and not until she has residency,) she will be considering legal action against ss for their complete uselessness in relation to this case.

Billy still doesn't know where Bella is, and they are determined to keep things this way at the moment.

I think your Aunty ought to concentrate on giving Bella what she needs emotionally rather than wasting headspace on SS.

That fantastic hammy the ball is rolling in the right direction, with fathers support and Bella old enough to make her feeling very clear, should be positive. Please keep updating if that's ok, it would be fantastic for Bella to have a happy ending.

Red it's good she's applying fir residency, this insures parental rights for aunts not abusive mother, so that she can give Bella the stable upbringing she needs. I would also go to tge police re an injunction against billy and mum, so if they do find out and try and remove Bella, there are legal consequences

Hey sorry to keep asking for legal advice, but my aunt has thought of something she may suggest at the solicitors tomorrow. She's phoned Bella's real dad and left voice-mail messages for him, but he hasn't responded yet.

Basically she knows Billy's neighbors through a walking group she goes to. They are a retired couple, early 70's, no children. They have had alot of problems over the years with Billy and could attest to the violent rows and the fact they've had to call the police several times, they have several things they could point out to the solicitor to show why he shouldn't be around children. They find him very intimidating.

1. They have a shared driveway, out of the blue one morning Billy put a line of masking tape down, started banging on their door with the demands, " you stick to your side, i'll stick to mine, remember not a fucking inch over." They were very taken a aback by this.

2. He had his bathroom taken out when he arrived as he hated it and thought it was old fashioned, but could not afford to replace it for years. Relied on toilets in the supermarket at the end of a road and also a bucket, which he poured the piss into the garden, and on a couple of occasions there cats. They did try to confront him about this but again he became abusive, " course it was a fucking accident, your cats shouldn't be in MY garden anyway etc."

3. Also they and other neighbors have a problem with him regularly staring through their windows in a "scary," way.

Basically they've said they'll say this to the solicitor, if this comes out in court although it doesn't directly relate to Bella, it proves why it's an unsuitable environment doesn't it ?

Or are the court going to say something stupid like just because he throws buckets of piss over the neighbours cats, doesn't mean he's going to do it to Bella. Or is it worth bringing up cos more evidence of unsuitable environment.

It's very good, as Bella's mum is still involved with Billy so she us exposing this girl to abuse. Yes I think it all helps, tge fact that you gave dad's support. Could he come with your Aunt and Uncle to the solicitor to register his support for residency.

So bringing up the neighbors allegations of their own problems with him at the solicitors tomorrow won't look like as a family we are just shit stirring ?

I am travelling down on the coach later tonight so i can attend the meeting tomorrow to support Bella and my aunt/ uncle.

I don't know it's worth a shot, Bella can vouch for her treatment and support the neighbours accounts. She also has a voice, at 14 is more likely to be taken notice of.

I think the clearer the picture you can paint with witnesses to attest to actual abuse and neglect as well as character witnesses to show that billy and your cousin are not trustworthy (which negates their testimony somewhat) as well as evidence as to how they are in general backing up Nepal's evidence and then documentary evidence showing previous concerns that were not believed upon the word of your cousin and billy - who you are proving to be untrustworthy) will all be vital - best to have too much evidence available to your solicitor so that they can put forward a strong case from the outset.

There's no harm in your aunt/uncle mentioning the trouble Billy's next door neighbours have with Billy. However, for the neighbours to take it any further to support your cause, I'd probably be concerned about any consequences they may face from Billy.
Would he discover those neighbours had made statements against him to support his g/f's daughter being removed from her care?
If your cousin also stays at Billy's house quite often, what would happen after Bella had been removed from your cousin? Would those neighbours have to go back to living next door to Billy and Bella's mother?

Apart from helping Bella to be removed from her mother, what do the neighbours stand to gain from supporting your cause?

That's what I mean. If the answer is nothing, then it's a big ask imo.

Billy sounds like a nasty piece of work and not someone I'd take on to further someone else's cause, especially when you already appear to have a lot of supporters in your corner IYSWIM.

Just an update everybody i'm not sure the solicitors meetings going ahead tomorow. My uncle bumped into Billy in town and Billy became extremely aggressive, ( accusing my uncle of being a peadophile, obviously false,) my uncle lost it with him and is now in police custody.

My aunty is at the police station awaiting further news, I have sent Bella to stay the night at a friends in another town, ( her mum and Billy don't know the address,) in case they come here looking for her. Have the doors locked, they haven't been round yet.

Very upset and worried atm :(

Hope this won't affect my uncles residency claim, i mean they have to take into account why someone would want to punch Billy wouldn't they ? Hoping he'll just be cautioned or something. Pretty pissed the police only act to protect this thug but not my fucking 14 year old cousin !

Tbh i am thinking Billy or Bellas has found out from someone that my aunt and uncle were going to apply for a residence order tomorow at the solicitors and has set out to get my uncle arrested to make them look bad.

Cos it's a bit to much of a coincidence that Billy just happenned to be in the pub my uncle meets his friends for lunch in every Friday, i'm sorry but i think he definetly wanted to provoke my uncle into attacking him as Billy is noormally never there.

Bella has phoned from her friends phone to say she is safe there. I may go offline in a bit as i've got a friend who is a uni student in the area and shares a flat with her boyfriend, I may go to sleep on her sofa as my aunty is not sure if Bella's mum still has a spare key. And i don't want to be by myself if Bella's mum and Billy turn up.

My aunts just texted me to say Billy's also been arrested for threatenning words and behaviour etc, apparently he threatenned the landlady,( who was behind the bar by herself as it was lunchtime,) when she tried to kick him out for mouthing on about the peadophile nonsense. That is great and I personally think he should also be arrested for thretenning words and behavviour to my uncle !

And slander, re the peadophile thing if that charge still exists, wouldn't hold my breath though.

Sorry for the multiple postings, I don't talk to many friends in real life about this as obviously the situation is private but tbh, it also sounds very Jezza Kyle. Which I can assure everybody i'm not, i'm a student teacher. Most of my family are quite normal if you cut out Billy and Bella's mum.

Gosh hammy, I hope all is ok. Yes I would still go ahead with residency, it also helps that Billy has been arrested. My god I hope karma for billy, what a nadty piece of work and hood it works out well for Bella too. Please keep us updated

I think this looks bad on your uncle Hammy.
Did Billy strike your uncle first?

What a shame your uncle couldn't keep his temper. It does make things look more open to interpretation. I hope your family doesn't get sidetracked into all this drama and forget the long game, which is to get this child away from an awful and damaging life.

Can't your grandparents apply fir residency instead

Aeroflotgirl-my aunt and uncle are Bella's grandparents, they are the ones who are applying for residency. I realize the fact I've been switching between my aunt and uncle, and "Bella's grandparents," sounds confusing though.

My Grandparents, ( well my nan, my grandad is dead,) are my aunty's parents and Bella's great grandparents. But my nan is 88 and quite frail so far to old to apply for residency. Bella's grandparents, ( my aunt and uncle,) are a more suitable age as they are both 65 and recently retired.

Obviously he should have kept his temper but Billy continued to get in his face and accuse him of being a pedophile, and was asked to leave by the landlady. Billy then kept shouting at the landlady to watch her fucking car and house, so she went to get support from the kitchen staff. He then continued to get in my uncles face, ( Bella's grandad) very aggressively accusing him of being a pedophile so my uncle punched him.

I am the least violent person ever but i really believe if someone was abusing my daughter and granddaughter, had previously smashed up my car and had repeatedly threatened to kill my wife and was accusing me of being of being a pedophile I would probably punch them to.

Is Billy badly hurt?