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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cake ban

227 replies

Edenviolet · 06/04/2014 21:48

I probably was being a bit unreasonable I think.

This afternoon we were invited to DM as dsis was there and db and his wife and dcs. Usually for this sort of thing dm gets cakes,biscuits etc.

I said we would go but that there were to be no cakes/biscuits etc at all as dd2 has type 1 diabetes, her blood sugar was high and she had already had a correction injection in the morning so although if she had wanted a cake we could have given another injection, it rarely works out how it should and she either has blood sugar too high or if we misjudge it goes too low.
Dd2 is four and so would want a cake if everybody else was having one even if we explain why she couldn't and probably would have wanted more than one as the other children always have a couple.
DM said it was fine (which surprised me as she can be a bit difficult at times) but I could tell she felt awkward just offering drinks.

I've been thinking about it and I keep wondering if I was bu or if what I did was ok given the circumstances?

OP posts:
Dreamer789 · 08/04/2014 20:51

Parties and school are different and she will understand then

Why will it be different? She may still be 4 when she starts school. You can control what other kids have in their packed lunches or the hot or cold puddings that will be on offer for school dinners

Dreamer789 · 08/04/2014 20:53

Some people are so fecking unaccommodating

Just life, sooner you accept it the the better you will fecking understand

Liara · 08/04/2014 20:56

YANBU, if it was a member of my family in this situation I would not contemplate having something unsuitable for her.

As it is my niece is vegan and I would always make sure we made something she could have (or make something 'just as good' that she could have instead) if she was visiting. And that's not for a health reason.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 08/04/2014 20:59

A few bitter people on this thread. I guess that is par for the course for AIBU.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 08/04/2014 21:06

Mealtimes are very different, if dd has a small lunch she has less insulin, if she wants lunch and a pudding she has more insulin so lunchtime at school will be easier to manage.
At break time they have fruit, depending on blood sugar some days dd will have fruit as well, other days she may need a biscuit as well if lower than usual and if high may just have cucumber instead. Dd is fine with things like this.

The other day was an extreme example, her bg was hovering around 18 ,she was in a state and the cakes were just too tempting looking and he would have been beside herself and not able to understand why she couldn't have any. It was a one off.
Her high sugars at the weekend were obviously due to illness brewing as this evening we went to the gp as dd has scarlet fever, all day again she as been very high despite extra insulin with meals and corrections, sometimes it is just impossible to manage. Most days we get on as best we can and dd does realise more each day about her condition but, when I can I do want things to not bee too hard/distressing for her if I can help it hence the no cakes at the weekend.

OP posts:
SpottyTeacakes · 08/04/2014 21:11

Illnesses suck hedgehog I DKA'd from having a sickness bug and my levels weren't even above 15. I hope she recovers soon. My (also diabetic) consultant has said not to worry about the slight highs whilst I wait for a pump, that in the short therm it's the lows that are more damaging.

Dreamer789 · 08/04/2014 21:12

Hope she recovers quickly from the scarlet fever Thanks

Caterina99 · 08/04/2014 21:46

Op yanbu, and clearly your mum agreed as she didn't serve any cake.

Why create a difficult situation and upset an unwell child for the sake of a piece of cake?!

Parties and school, yes your dd will have to learn, but I can't imagine any reasonable adult objecting to not getting a piece of cake in this family situation.

PrimalLass · 08/04/2014 22:10

Just life, sooner you accept it the the better you will fecking understand

I won't bother accepting that a grown adult is so entitled to a Biscuit that they would rather upset an ill child. Thanks all the same.

Dreamer789 · 08/04/2014 22:23

I won't bother accepting that a grown adult is so entitled to a that they would rather upset an ill child. Thanks all the same.

You are welcome Grin have a couple yourself on the way out Biscuit

Biscuit Biscuit Biscuit

Funnyfoot · 08/04/2014 22:44

YABU to feel bad about it.

As you said in your OP your family said it was fine, they didn't have cake and no harm was done. In fact you said your difficult DM didn't even cause a fuss.
So what is your issue OP?

Original poster
Edenviolet · 09/04/2014 07:39

It was just that although DM didn't get the cakes out, she obviously felt very awkward just offering drinks. I heard her being v apologetic to db and sil about the lack of cake/biscuits.
It was difficult in that because DM has always had cakes and treats at visits it seemed really odd without any especially when dn kept asking where were the cakes.

It was hard for me as somebody quite shy usually to ask DM not to do something she usually does. Every other time I have tried (and failed) to give the correct dose that would cover a treat but it rarely works out well and dds blood sugars the other day were too high to start with so I couldn't even attempt it.

I think my OP was more because I was doubting if I'd done the right thing or not, probably because in my family even minor things like asking for no cakes on one occasion seem to end at some point being blown out of all proportion the next time DM is in a mood so I find it hard to judge if what I've done was right or not!

OP posts:
candycoatedwaterdrops · 09/04/2014 08:38

Hedgehog Don't doubt yourself. I do know the backstory with your mum and maybe this is contributing to the doubt? Your DD is still little and adjusting to change, it won't be like this forever. I don't know much about the pump but I hope it will give her a more normal life.

Flowers
Eastpoint · 09/04/2014 08:44

Sadly a lot of people associate cakes & biscuits with love, do you think your mother is one of them? If she was born in or around the end of the war she will have grown up with rationing.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 09/04/2014 08:59

Golly, I'm surprised at the amount of people saying your dd should just accept it Hedgehog

I think it would be lovely if the family can support your dd by avoiding cakes and biscuits, it's hardly a big deal for them. As a 4 year old coming to terms with the consequences of having type 1 diabetes, god that must be tough. 4 is still so little, she needs support and understanding, not told to lump it because others want their cake!

I wish you luck Hedgehog, it must be really hard to see your dd going through so much and having to take on board such a difficult thing at such a young ageThanks

Inkspellme · 09/04/2014 09:03

I think you are being unreasonable in expecting everyone else to join in your dd's diet. I mean this nicely !Bring something else that she can eat. I don't know enough about diabetes to know what that would be.

I do have friends with coeliac kids. As young as yours. They bring food the child can eat. They don't ban cake cos their child can't eat it. My own child is lactose intolerant since a toddler. Far less serious I aopreciate. However I have always just brought food he can eat. At four they can learn that they need to ask before they eat anything. my son got into the habit of this and life was easier knowing he wouldn't eat anything without asking first.

Inkspellme · 09/04/2014 09:06

meant to add that I tended to bring enough of the food my child could eat for everyone. that way everybody had the same if they wanted. it helped to make him feel less different.

at 4 she should be getting past a tantrum for not getting something she wants -diabetic or not.

SpottyTeacakes · 09/04/2014 09:09

Ink op said it was a one off. Her sugar level was high. The only think she realistically would have been able to eat was something like cucumber. She doesn't expect them to do it all the time just this once as she was having a bad day, and they are all family after all.

My friend has a nut allergy, I wouldn't serve something for everyone else with nuts in and expect her to bring her own...

PloddingDaily · 09/04/2014 09:17

Hedgehog, I think you are a lovely mum, & given the context & knowing how high sugar levels affect things, ywdnbu. Thanks.

I hope the pump appt the other day went well? What I have found with the pump is that it can be hard work - it's far clearer to me now how even small things (monthly hormones, fatigue, a cold!) can have quite an effect & mean basal rates need adjusting...so it's not a 'restful' alternative to injections, but it is far, far more accurate & adjustable, which after years of clumsy crude injections is fab. For the first time in my life (ie since I got the pump) I can actually enjoy exercise - suddenly I get the endorphines instead of thw crashing hypos & bounceback highs! Grin It's taken a lot of experimenting & tweaking & playing with temporary basal rates, but WOW! It's been worth it! Smile

"Pumping Insulin" by John Walsh & Ruth Roberts is very useful, as is "Type 1 diabetes in children, adolescents & young adults" by Dr Ragnar Hanas.

All the best, I know what a pain diabetes can be (like nailing jelly to the wall or riding a tiger!!). Take care of yourself too. Thanks

anotetofollowso · 09/04/2014 09:33

OP, you're in a hard situation and I don't think there is a clear right or wrong here. BUt this is your family (NOT a random mother giving a birthday party - please not the difference, some of you nasty posters). You will have to face this again and again and so I would also have asked my family for a bit of support on this one i.e. to have one afternoon where I didn't have to worry. Certainly, I would want to do as much for my own family. Maybe your DM would have felt a bit less awkward if you had thanked her in front of the others for not serving any junk i.e. made it clear that it wasn't inadequate hostessing that resulted in a lack of biccies, it was consideration for family.

Good luck with managing your dc's condition. It sounds like you are doing a good and sensible job.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 09/04/2014 09:47

Appt went well on Monday Thankyou, we have to have another appt to see the dietician and a general check up, then a date will be given for a pump trial then after that a date will be set for starting the pump properly.
We have to research different pumps to choose which one we would like (clinic do animas, medtronic or Roche pumps).

OP posts:
Impatientismymiddlename · 09/04/2014 10:42

It was just that although DM didn't get the cakes out, she obviously felt very awkward just offering drinks. I heard her being v apologetic to db and sil about the lack of cake/biscuits.
It was difficult in that because DM has always had cakes and treats at visits it seemed really odd without any especially when dn kept asking where were the cakes.

So your mother did understand what you were asking and accommodated it. I've just read back the OP and you said that your mother agreed to no cake or biscuits when you asked. The fact that she apologised to other relatives for not having cakes doesn't mean that she felt awkward or put out, she might have been just telling them because she usually has cakes and thought the other guests might be expecting them.

Out of curiosity: seeing as you know that your mum likes to serve food to guests and seeing as she willingly agreed to a cake and biscuit amnesty for the day why didn't you just take along a platter of no carb snacks for everybody - cucumber, cheese, ham, olives, carrot sticks and some sugar free jelly for the kids. I'm sure your mum would have appreciated it and it might have made everyone happy.
Perhaps you could consider doing that if the issue arises in use future whilst you are waiting for the pump.

PloddingDaily · 09/04/2014 10:50

Exciting times! Might be worth checking on the 'children with diabetes' network (think if you google you should find it) & asking which pump others use with little'uns...I've got the Accu Chek Spirit combo, where the test kit bit is also the remote for the pump - I LOVE being able to eat descretely when out & about! Smile It's worth trying different tubing lengths etc too til you find what suits. Only irritation is have to detach pump for shower/bath/swim as it's not waterproof (I think some are?) which is a pain when in & out of the pool on hols, but the benefits the rest of the time hugely outweigh that.

Be prepared for it to be a bit weird emotionally when you start - I've no memory of not being diabetic but getting a pump was both brilliant & slightly depressing initially - it did make me feel very 'like someone with a chronic medical condition' - which technically I suppose I am, Grin but it was like having the pump there was more of a reminder, like 'life support' iyswim. It didn't take long to almost forget it's there though, & feel physically & mentally soooo much better with the better control it gives. Enjoy! Smile

SpottyTeacakes · 09/04/2014 10:52

Plodding is that the tester that tells you how much insulin you still have on board? I've got to go on a course on Friday to learn how to use a tester which does this and will be used in conjunction with a pump

sleepsforwimps2010 · 09/04/2014 11:59

my husband is diabetic, and has spent his whole life saying 'no thankyou'. as an adult he except that the world doesn't revolve around him,
but a 4 year old child should be able to be happy comfortable and feel included at close family's houses. she'll spend the rest off her life saying no to nice things everyone else can have....
What's wrong with people who love her not highlighting her medical condition by not surrounding her with things she can't have?
If I were having a diabetic child to visit and wanted to offer snacks to guests there would be nothing that child couldn't have.
she's 4!
granny's house is the place to spoiled not segregated!
so yadnbu to ban cake.