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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cake ban

227 replies

Edenviolet · 06/04/2014 21:48

I probably was being a bit unreasonable I think.

This afternoon we were invited to DM as dsis was there and db and his wife and dcs. Usually for this sort of thing dm gets cakes,biscuits etc.

I said we would go but that there were to be no cakes/biscuits etc at all as dd2 has type 1 diabetes, her blood sugar was high and she had already had a correction injection in the morning so although if she had wanted a cake we could have given another injection, it rarely works out how it should and she either has blood sugar too high or if we misjudge it goes too low.
Dd2 is four and so would want a cake if everybody else was having one even if we explain why she couldn't and probably would have wanted more than one as the other children always have a couple.
DM said it was fine (which surprised me as she can be a bit difficult at times) but I could tell she felt awkward just offering drinks.

I've been thinking about it and I keep wondering if I was bu or if what I did was ok given the circumstances?

OP posts:
ladypete · 08/04/2014 15:54

I think deciding on snacks that everyone could enjoy would be ideal for future gatherings, however I totally understand why you asked for what you did today.

On a side note, I'm shocked at how many people offering suggestions don't seem to realise that carbs will raise blood sugar levels, not just things we regard as "sweet" Shock

Teapot13 · 08/04/2014 16:03

Obviously you will not always be able to ban cake, etc., but she is still little and this is her family. Of all people, they should be willing to go without cake if it helps her. Soon she will be big enough to understand.

SpottyTeacakes · 08/04/2014 16:04

I expect everyone saying yabu doesn't have diabetes Hmm

Yanbu, I think it would have been better to provide a suitable snack that everyone could enjoy instead, though.

SpottyTeacakes · 08/04/2014 16:08

Oh we like ham with cheese spread on rolled up here as a nice easy carb free snack.

estya · 08/04/2014 16:29

They are family. They should care about your dd, her health and how difficult it would be for her to see people eating food she couldn't enjoy.
Even if it was 38 year old me who couldn't eat cakes for a medical reason I'd expect my mum and sister to show restraint to support me.

Dreamer789 · 08/04/2014 18:01

Your DM didn't offer any cakes so what is the problem?

SpottyTeacakes · 08/04/2014 18:07

Dreamer op was asking if she was being UR she didn't say there was a problem Confused

Dreamer789 · 08/04/2014 18:13

Can people really not meet up nowadays without it being centred around food? OP will have to eventually help her DD deal with it more effectively but she's a young child, it is her close family and it's not meal time. They won't starve!

When she goes to school, she will have to face these situations all the time. The whole school can't be expected to give up cakes and biscuits because a child goes mad

Dreamer789 · 08/04/2014 18:14

Ok YABU

SpottyTeacakes · 08/04/2014 18:25

Op said it isn't always a problem, and it certainly won't be as much of one once she gets a pump, it was just this specific day that her sugar level was high and she couldn't have anything. Nothing savoury and nothing sweet (with carbs in). It's not a case of her having to get used to it because quite often she can have cake. Yesterday was a bad day and she couldn't. Having a high sugar level makes you feel crappy enough without having to watch everyone eat cake. She's only four Sad

Impatientismymiddlename · 08/04/2014 19:29

On a side note, I'm shocked at how many people offering suggestions don't seem to realise that carbs will raise blood sugar levels, not just things we regard as "sweet"

Almond flour has very little carbs and can be substituted for normal carb heavy flour and pure xylitol is almost carb free and can be used to substitute sugar. Being very savvy with ingredients means you can make low carb snacks which children will want to eat. I think people do realise that carbs raise blood sugar levels, but people think there are alternatives which can sometimes be used (I am aware that sometimes nothing can be eaten as a snack).

Dreamer789 · 08/04/2014 19:46

Having a high sugar level makes you feel crappy enough without having to watch everyone eat cake. She's only four

It is a lifelong condition, so regardless of her age she has to get used to it

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 08/04/2014 19:55

Hang in there hedgehog. Ds2 (6) has a pump and stuffs his face at parties with the rest of them. He does still go high/low but it's easier to deal with and his overall levels are much better so the odd party-related high doesn't matter so much.

And for whoever said it - yes they make allowances at school for blood-sugar induced bad behaviour. Uncharacteristic bad behaviour is one of their triggers to do an extra blood sugar test.

As for the family gathering - we'd have gone for crudités and dips and olives, cocktail sausages, cheese. Yum.

PrimalLass · 08/04/2014 19:58

I don't think it is at all unreasonable to ask close family to go without junk food for an hour or so for the sake of an ill child.

Dreamer789 · 08/04/2014 20:03

They did go without

The children at school won't go without junk for the sake of an ill child

PrimalLass · 08/04/2014 20:04

Some people on this thread are so horrible.

Dreamer789 · 08/04/2014 20:07

Unfortunnately the whole world isnt going to stop eating things because of one child

Some people are so unrealistic on here and expect everyone else to change

PrimalLass · 08/04/2014 20:08

The children at school won't go without junk for the sake of an ill child

She didn't ask them to. The thread was about a specific occasion, and she has said her DD should hopefully have a pump by the time she starts school.

PrimalLass · 08/04/2014 20:08

Some people are so unrealistic on here and expect everyone else to change

Some people are so fecking unaccommodating.

DXBMermaid · 08/04/2014 20:09

Haven't read the whole thread, but can you sit down with your MIL and make a list of alternative foods? Who knows your MIL might really take to this new way of feeding her guests.

Your DD needs to learn that sometimes she won't be able to have the same as other children, but I think these situations will occur often enough and if any should be sensitive towards this issue it should be her own family.

boodles · 08/04/2014 20:12

Isn't it awful a bunch of GROWN ADULTS had to go without a piece of bloody cake for an hour. No wonder there is an obesity problem if not eating cake when you meet up with someone is seen as an issue.

SpottyTeacakes · 08/04/2014 20:15

Dreamer it's not going to be forever. Yes it's a life long condition but she's not going to have high sugar readings every day and she's only four!! She's on the list for a pump everything will change then. Hopefully in her life time she will be able to get a transplant of some sort and hopefully be cured. Op didn't ask her family to do it forever, just as a one off on a bad day fgs.

2468Motorway · 08/04/2014 20:28

Yanbu, I can't believe anyone wouldn't want to support a 4 yr old!

Parties and school are different and she will understand then. I don't think school will be that tough, you'll send a packed lunch or she can have a managed school dinner and be fine. She will not be offered cake and haribo at school for snack.

It is different to allergies as it isn't a blanket rule, say no egg or no nuts. Sometimes she cannot have anything and sometimes she has to have something, it must be confusing in addition to feeling crappy. Lots of my children's friends have allergies or intolerances and I wouldn't dream of knowingly serving something they couldn't have.

IamInvisible · 08/04/2014 20:38

Of course YWNBU to have asked. I would go a step further and request that there are no cakes and biscuits etc at family gatherings until she has the pump and is all settled with it.

There is a great deal of difference between being in a room with a few people eating cake to being in a school canteen with 100-200 kids all eating a variety of different foods.

Dreamer789 · 08/04/2014 20:47

Isn't it awful a bunch of GROWN ADULTS had to go without a piece of bloody cake for an hour. No wonder there is an obesity problem if not eating cake when you meet up with someone is seen as an issue

It is nothing to do with obesity Hmm