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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to think the morbidly obese woman at work should stop telling people they are losing too much weight?

160 replies

Waterfalls1 · 05/04/2014 09:26

There is a woman at work who is seriously morbidly obese. She is trying to lose weight. She has managed 1/2 stone since January. There are quite a few people at work who want to lose weight and have started to go running together. 3 of them have lost a significant amount of weight and now fall into the normal BMI.

We have a staff kitchen and sitting area and she has been talking to the people who have lost weight one by one and advising them not to lose any more weight and that they didn't need to lose any weight anyway.

Another guy has done the fasting diet and lost a amazing 4 stone. She has told him it is seriously unhealthy and he will get brain damage.

AIBU to think she should just shut up and focus on herself?

OP posts:
everlong · 05/04/2014 13:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Waterfalls1 · 05/04/2014 13:38

Even when i wasn't dieting i would tell people off for fad dieting

LEM just leave them alone and stop behaving like a twat

OP posts:
rainbowfeet · 05/04/2014 13:40

Life long yo yo dieter, eating disorder sufferer, emotional over eater & terribly low self esteem.. I struggle with this subject as my weight rules my life.. Whatever anyone says it is not just as simple as 'eat less, move more' for some people just like 'cut down your units' isn't just as easy for some people with alcohol problems!!
But I do think the woman at your work should not be talking about other peoples weight & people should not mention hers!!.. I recently saw one of those photo saying card things on FB that said "my body, my business"!!! Very true!

Original poster
Waterfalls1 · 05/04/2014 13:41

I think it is tactless of you to suggest swimming, and she shouldn't need to 'explain' about running

Suzanne why is it tactless? She told me loves swimming, and drives past a swimming pool on the way to work Hmm

I didn't ask her to explain about running. She said it herself when the running club at work asked if she wanted to join them

OP posts:
Original poster
Waterfalls1 · 05/04/2014 13:42

rainbowfeet I agree with you. It is a subject best left out of the workplace I think

OP posts:
Sirzy · 05/04/2014 13:42

Thanks IdKick - took me 11 months to get to this point, want to lose another half stone in the next month then hopefully the rest will just come off steadily!

Hissy · 05/04/2014 13:45

I think that woman needs to be told to stfu with her needless and frankly idiotic comments.

I'm overweight, my colleague is teeny, yet very avid in what she eats. 'trying to be good' is something she says a lot.

I think, but why love? You've nothing to be careful about. But i'd never dream of saying anything to her. Who the bloody hell am I to comment on what she does or doesn't eat.

The weight loss/gain/status quo is nothing to do with anyone but the owner of that weight. Only they can influence it, for good or for bad.

It only becomes the business of a few very specific people when the weight or lack of it threatens their life, but even then if someone is determined to go to the end, there isn't much anyone can do about it.

Op, tell the woman to stfu is she speaks to you about this again. What others tell her is their business.

Original poster
Waterfalls1 · 05/04/2014 13:45

She definitely shouldn't be discouraging people who are losing weight and telling them they'll get brain damage! Is she a doctor?! I'm on 5:2 and it would really annoy me if the colleague said that. It's really rude and unprofessional

She is not a doctor. The guy who lost the weight on 5:2 has done brilliantly and done it conjunction with exercise, he has kept the weight off. But every time he is congratulated or people tell him he looks good, she rushes in to explain how unhealthy this form of dieting is and how her way is the best - she is doing calorie controlled diet

OP posts:
Original poster
Waterfalls1 · 05/04/2014 13:47

Well done on your weightloss Sirzy that is a fantastic achievement Smile

OP posts:
slithytove · 05/04/2014 13:48

If she is telling people they have lost too much and it's unhealthy....

Then it's ok to tell her she hasn't lost enough and it's unhealthy.

rainbowfeet · 05/04/2014 13:49

There is a very strong link between depression & being overweight it's a cycle that's hard to break & some people ie: Katie Hopkins Confused can be very cruel & not very understanding.. Wouldn't life be great if we could all pull ourselves together & get on with life without using food, alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping as a crutch!!!
Life is not that black & white!

Original poster
Waterfalls1 · 05/04/2014 13:52

Grin at Nunq

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/04/2014 13:57

Why is not wanting people to post bitchily about others due to their weight seen as defensive and fat excusing?

It's called not being a nasty arsehole.

Also this is AIBU.

So flowers for the folk agreeing with you is a bit rich.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/04/2014 13:58

The first part of my post was directed at HollaAtMeBaby.

Original poster
Waterfalls1 · 05/04/2014 14:00

Well said rainbowfeet

OP posts:
LEMmingaround · 05/04/2014 14:02

Wow - you are a real charmer aren't you Hmm

The fact remains that the woman is right - for most people fast weight loss is non-maintainable. This is why companies such as WW and Slimming world do so well because after people get back to their desired weight, they stop the diet, and who wouldn't? who wants to be constntly restricted on what you can and cannot eat for the rest of your life? In the long term that is never going to work, its about eating healthily and exercising.

Also, just because she is overweight it doesn't mean she can't offer advice. It is much much easier to offer others objective advice than actually take it yourself. I used to be a vet nurse and part of my job was to advise clients on nutrition and behaviour. Of course when i encountered problems with my own animals i needed the advice and support of others to deal with it. Its human nature.

Of course i shouldn't be posting on this thread, being a fat person.

OP - learn some manners and you'll fit in alot better around here.

almondcake · 05/04/2014 14:03

I don't think the OP is beong bitchy. Her colleague's weight and small weight loss compared to others is relevant. If the OP hadn't mentioned it at the start, people would have asked anyway.

It is very mean spirited that a group of posters mass reported this thread.

LEMmingaround · 05/04/2014 14:06

The irony rainbow is that mny of the drugs used to treat depression are known to cause weight gain, its a vicious circle, some people are depressed due to their weight and body image. Other people don't care and lose interest in their appearance and health because of their depression. I speak from experience.

This thread did remind me of the dr that i visted once about my anxiety levels and his response was to exercise more - he was hardly able to sit on his chair he was so big, so i said, jokingly, "err, i think you need to take your own advice don't you" and yes, he did, he laughed :) thankfully he wasn't offended as i was in a bad place at the time and i wouldn't ordinarily be so rude. I do notice he has slimmed down considerably lately.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/04/2014 14:08

People reported it because it is a first time poster posting a frankly provocative tale about someone acting in a quite unusual and non typical way.

Original poster
Waterfalls1 · 05/04/2014 14:09

Wow - you are a real charmer aren't you

Apparently you were not a charmer when you called me a twat? Hmm

The people who have lost the weight at work have not done it very quickly. It is just her perspective, because she has lost half a stone since January so her weight loss is small. Someone lose 1 stone since January - she says that it is too fast. It is not too fast at all so the woman is incorrect

My manners are fine thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Waterfalls1 · 05/04/2014 14:10

Thank you almondcake Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Waterfalls1 · 05/04/2014 14:11

fanjo you reported my post but keeping come back to add more??

OP posts:
LEMmingaround · 05/04/2014 14:11

I havent reported the thread - the OP is entitled to her opinion, i just don't happen to agree with it, for that, i was called a twat Hmm

I'll say again, the woman is right - it does sound like she needs to have another look at how she is losing weight because half a stone in 4 months isn't very much at all. She sounds like she has issues surrounding her own weight and makes it difficult to hear people wittering on about diets etc and running together - maybe she feels left out. Why don't you offer to go to the gym with her and then when she is able to, she can join the rest of the office in the running sessions? I can't run just now as it hurts my hip but i cycle and walk a lot. I have enormous boobs but i dont find they interefere with exercise - apart from horse riding, i swear my instructor used to make me practise rising trot just to get a laugh!

Original poster
Waterfalls1 · 05/04/2014 14:12

People reported it because it is a first time poster posting a frankly provocative tale about someone acting in a quite unusual and non typical way

Many people have reported about knowing people who also sabotage others efforts in weight loss or exercising more so it is not unusual or untypical

OP posts:
LEMmingaround · 05/04/2014 14:12

Did i call you a twat? oh, sorry Grin That makes us equal then doesn't it

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