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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think the morbidly obese woman at work should stop telling people they are losing too much weight?

160 replies

Waterfalls1 · 05/04/2014 09:26

There is a woman at work who is seriously morbidly obese. She is trying to lose weight. She has managed 1/2 stone since January. There are quite a few people at work who want to lose weight and have started to go running together. 3 of them have lost a significant amount of weight and now fall into the normal BMI.

We have a staff kitchen and sitting area and she has been talking to the people who have lost weight one by one and advising them not to lose any more weight and that they didn't need to lose any weight anyway.

Another guy has done the fasting diet and lost a amazing 4 stone. She has told him it is seriously unhealthy and he will get brain damage.

AIBU to think she should just shut up and focus on herself?

OP posts:
Original poster
Waterfalls1 · 05/04/2014 10:55

oh and dont get me started on all of those who have given up chocolate for lent and wont shut up about it. Whinging and moaning about the fact they "cant" eat it and looking forward to breaking the chocolate fast at easter and going wild. Why bother in the first place, just eat the f-ing chocolate

brokenhearted55a different topic but oh so true. We have several people like this at work, they look thoroughly miserable and are so disapproving when chocolates are brought in for birthdays

OP posts:
Original poster
Waterfalls1 · 05/04/2014 10:57

I have recently started cycling seriously and all my slim, fit friends are encouraging whilst all my overweight sedentary friends are scathing

Yes, the same at my work. The people doing the running club get told they are doing it too often, they shouldn't do when it is raining etc etc very discouraging

OP posts:
brokenhearted55a · 05/04/2014 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pippilangstrompe · 05/04/2014 11:00

I am the running representative in our work sports club. When people start training they have a great need to discuss it, their programmes, their nutrition, how they are getting on. I spend lots of time talking to people about their new programmes. This woman has started losing weight, she was started loaing weight and she has a new interest she wants to discuss and share with her colleagues. What she is doing is normal. Maybe she is a bit tactless, but her weight has nothing to do with it. Everyone does it and is eager in the start, no matter what size or shape they are in to start off with. Just tell her how great she is looking and encourage her, and decline to comment your own or others weight with her.

Original poster
Waterfalls1 · 05/04/2014 11:01

The people doing lent at my work tried to make others feel guilty for eating chocolate, but hey, we are not doing lent so it is ok if we have a choc Smile

OP posts:
Nomama · 05/04/2014 11:01

Well, as a fat fuck who knows a lot about nutrition and all of the reasons I am fat I feel I can answer some of those questions.

Because she wants to feel useful, not just a fat lumpy annoyance.
Because she wants to feel helpful, positive about the successes of others
Because she wants to feel part of a community that is judging her on oh, so many levels.
Because she is human too!

So, she has read and believed some of the bad press on fasting. So what? many people think it is utter freakery, others think it is the best way of losing weight ever.

Maybe you, OP, should just take a deep breath and re-consider. After all, you are normal and she is morbidly obese. Have a heart!

candycoatedwaterdrops · 05/04/2014 11:02

I'm not sure why everyone is getting so irate. It is really fucking annoying to be given advice on your body and your choices by anyone (HCPs are different, of course). And I say this as someone who is v. overweight herself.

Suzannewithaplan · 05/04/2014 11:03

I think she may have a point, my understanding is that slow steady weight loss is better for health.

It must be hard for her, do you think she has tried adding in a bit of exercise?admittedly running may not suit if she is very overweight but walking can be very good

YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime · 05/04/2014 11:05

if/when she looses the weight and keeps it off, she will be the ideal person to give advice about weight loss and healthy diet.

Original poster
Waterfalls1 · 05/04/2014 11:11

Suzannewithaplan it is difficult for her to do most forms of exercise because of her size. She told me she can't run because of her enormous breasts. I suggested swimming but then she feels self conscious about being in a swimsuit

OP posts:
Original poster
Waterfalls1 · 05/04/2014 11:13

Nomama she is a very useful person at work and has advised people in lots of ways. People come to her for advice on various issues. No one has come to her for dietary or exercise advice though

OP posts:
everlong · 05/04/2014 11:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GirlsTimesThree · 05/04/2014 11:18

Why do people feel it's necessary to comment about someone else's weight loss to their face? They wouldn't say anything about gaining weight - 'ooh, you shouldn't put anymore weight on, you're getting really fat'. Well, I hope they wouldn't!
A friend of mine recently lost three stone doing SW. She looks amazing and is rightly proud of her achievement. She's a healthy weight and feels so much better. However, several people have found it their business to tell her not to lose any more because she's started to look gaunt!! It really upset her, not surprisingly, and she started to question herself. Luckily she's had the support of other friends to remind her that it's these other peoples' problem, not hers!
How would this woman feel if others turned around and said, 'well, if you tried a bit harder, you could have lost more too'? It would be unacceptable and what she's saying to the others is too.

Suzannewithaplan · 05/04/2014 11:21

I think it is tactless of you to suggest swimming, and she shouldn't need to 'explain' about running, surely it's obvious that if a person is extremely overweight running is (very probably) going to be unsuitable.

Perhaps she doesn't realize that just walking would help, perhaps she just feels very self conscious doing anything?

Have some compassion.

LEMmingaround · 05/04/2014 11:21

See, that fat woman in the office who has lost half a stone since January sounds like she is taking a healthy approach and is losing the weight slowly. How do you know she is morbidly obese?

I am obese - not morbidly obese, woke up one morning and thought, fuck this, this isn''t healthy. I am on a "diet" by diet i mean i have cut out the shit - cut out (apart from the odd treat) alcohol and eat minimal bread. Portion control - healthy food, no takeaways. I have lost a stone since i started, probably about 2 months ago. Am now getting to a point where i can up the exercise levels too.

Even when i wasn't dieting i would tell people off for fad dieting, its not healthy to starve yourself even if it is only for two days out of five. These people may be losing amazing amounts of weight quickly but it will go back on because they wont stay on 5:2 forever. They haven't learnt healthy eating habits, they have told themselves they can eat whatever shit they like so long as they have two days a week when they only eat 500 calories Hmm

So we will see who is right, the fad dieters or the lady taking a healthy approach and losing the weight slowly.

You sound like a bit of a twat really - what does it matter to you? are you on a diet? are you obese? why do you even care?

IdkickJilliansAss · 05/04/2014 11:22

She is probably a bit jealous, I imagine having a lot of weight to lose is hard and she's just being human making those kind of comments YANBU but just shrug it off and give her the benefit of the doubt she probably is t consciously trying to be rude

everlong · 05/04/2014 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tracypenisbeaker · 05/04/2014 11:32

Some touchy people on here! When people go crazy after someone mentions the fact that someone is fat, it just looks really defensive! Being far too big or too small is not healthy, nor is smoking or drinking too much. Facts of life. I wish people would stop getting so butthurt and shut up.

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 05/04/2014 11:33

so, can you really get brain damage from fasting?

I am sure it can't be healthy to lose too much weight to quickly.

I am sure people can have opinions on this, whatever their own weight.

I am sure not all fat people are jealous of others who lose weight quickly.

Mitchy1nge · 05/04/2014 11:35

but that's not what body dysmorphic disorder is, at all, people with BDD are usually obsessed with some other tiny aspect of their appearance

not unable to tell whether they or others are fat or slim

Ubik1 · 05/04/2014 11:35

Oh who cares

Ludways · 05/04/2014 11:36

Yanbu that she should stop giving incorrect advice
Yabu in mentioning her weight, what has that got to do with it?

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 05/04/2014 11:56

littllemiss 'oh do .... ... dear', I will let you fill in the f o bit yourself Grin

fatlazymummy · 05/04/2014 12:00

I don't really see the issue here. Everyone is free to give advice. Everyone is free to ignore it. If the lady is being really rude and personal then I would address that, but if not then just be polite.
I do agree with the posters who are fed up with the constant talk about calories, diets and food though. I find weight loss and exercise interesting, but it certainly shouldn't be the only topic of conversation.

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 05/04/2014 12:00

Oomps! Answered a question 2 pages ago