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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my DS aged 3 to wake up in my house on his birthday?

153 replies

youbethemummylion · 03/04/2014 07:40

We are very lucky in that every other weekend ish (depending in other commitments) the PILS have DS1 and 2 to stay from Friday after school to Sunday morning. In the Easter hols me and DH have all the school hols covered except for the Thursday before Good Friday. PILS generously offered to have the kids from Thursday morning through to Monday morning and would take them to the caravan for a little holiday.

All great except Monday is DS2s birthday. I said I didnt want to not see DS2 until the afternoon on his birthday and that we would drive down to caravan on Sunday afternoon/evening to bring kids home so he will wake up here for his birthday. MIL is very annoyed about this saying we have ruined their holiday and now there is no point in going at all and they will just stay home.
AIBU?

OP posts:
petalunicorn · 03/04/2014 11:52

I posted as I did because I wondered how much the OP really wanted to change the every other weekend arrangement. She didn't write in the OP how much they resented the time taken away from them and how difficult the PILS are about it. Lucky, great and generous were the words used.

OP - if you really dislike the arrangement of course you can change it. How can someone really challenge you saying you want more time with your own children?? If PILS say they miss the children and you are worried DC will miss PIL then integrate them into your life, with you all there. Invite them for dinner saturday night/sunday lunch/to go swimming/to the park - stuff with all of you there to an extent that you can manage.

oscarwilde · 03/04/2014 11:52

Grow a backbone and call her on it.
"I'm sorry you feel that the weekend has been ruined and have now cancelled your trip because we want to spend one day of a 4 day weekend with our children. We will book the DC's into the childminder on Thursday instead. Have a lovely Easter" End. Then make your own plans with your DC.
Then I would take Sharaluck's advice. That's an insane situation to be in.

petalunicorn · 03/04/2014 11:53

Sorry OP, x post, sounds like you do want to change it :)

RiverTam · 03/04/2014 12:02

good plan - fingers crossed for you and DH! I think it's not uncommon for things to just creep up on you and it's only when something like this happens that you realize how bonkers things have got.

Lemonfairydust · 03/04/2014 12:18

Has anybody asked DS what he would like to do?

ADishBestEatenCold · 03/04/2014 12:23

We've gone from this,
"We are very lucky in that every other weekend ish (depending in other commitments) the PILS have DS1 and 2 to stay from Friday after school to Sunday morning."
which seems to describe a good relationship and an arrangement that, while it has to be dependent on other commitments, seems to suit you all.
To this,
"Yes because they want to and if we dont take them at anypoint for whatever reason they throw a strop and request their time back another time!!!! "
which seems to describe the exact opposite.

We've also gone from this,
"In the Easter hols me and DH have all the school hols covered except for the Thursday before Good Friday. PILS generously offered to have the kids from Thursday morning through to Monday morning and would take them to the caravan for a little holiday. "
in which you do seem to feel the grandparents were doing a good thing, for you and your DH (on the Thursday), as well as for the children.
To this,
"We will leave it as is at moment MIL is unhappy but still wants kids Thursday to Sunday. Then DH will tell them its not working for us"
in which you don't really seem to think it's a good thing for any of you (you, your DH, nor your DCs).

And we've gone from this,
"I know we needed help this time for 1 day"
which suggests you are benefiting.
To this,
"This is not for our benefit at all!"
which states your not.

If the grandparents are even half as confused as I am about what is or isn't allowable and acceptable to you, then YABU!

2plus1plus1 · 03/04/2014 12:27

former I don't think the OP sounds spoiled at all - she sounds like she doesn't have the confidence to stick up for herself or to refuse the GPs.
Maybe she'd rather be with her children than having time to herself. Don't project what u'd prefer on to her.

MargotLovedTom · 03/04/2014 12:47

I suspect the OP was using those terms 'generous' 'lucky' etc ADish in order to pre-empt those posters who like to come storming onto threads to froth about spoilt and entitled attitudes, and how their own inlaws never bother so the OP should be grateful blah blah blah.

MrsBungle · 03/04/2014 13:04

I don't think yabu to want to have your own child with you on his birthday.

I do think yabu to let this co-parenting with the in-laws continue. It sounds like a custody arrangement.

Sirzy · 03/04/2014 13:14

I thought the same adish. She also went from saying they had childcare sorted for all the holidays except the Thursday to then saying if they didn't do this they would be with the childminder that day - so there was an alternative.

diddl · 03/04/2014 13:17

When you say that you'll leave it is atm, what does that mean?

That ILs are still having the kids on the Thursday?

Original poster
youbethemummylion · 03/04/2014 13:22

The use of generous, lucky was exactly to stop the normal "your lucky your kids have gps who care" brigade who usually jump on any thread such as this. And in a way we are lucky they care its just too much and too controlling. Anyway thanks for all comments those I agree with and those I dont. It would be boring if we were all the same! I have a plan and it has helped to talk it through. I shall now bow out and leave those who want to to pick apart my posts word for word.

OP posts:
somersethouse · 03/04/2014 13:33

Sorry, but it IS odd to not look after your children every other weekend from a Thursday and then complain about it as if you don't have a choice.

Like someone said, it is like a custody arangement.

I therefore find it U to moan about the Sunday morning.

somersethouse · 03/04/2014 13:35

x posted while making lunch.

Good luck in your childcare arrangements in the future OP

RedFocus · 03/04/2014 14:54

Well I have to take turns sharing birthdays and Christmases with my ex so it's easy for me to say and I'm used to it but YABU.

woollytights · 03/04/2014 15:25

Yanbu at all

Onewomanarmy · 03/04/2014 16:10

So therefore somers op should relinquish all parental control and decisions then Hmm

ThePinkOcelot · 03/04/2014 16:17

I would be stopping the every other weekend stop overs. I wouldn't like that at all!

quietlysuggests · 03/04/2014 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

guineapig2014 · 03/04/2014 16:31

YADNBU I'd like to be with my child on the morning of their birthday.

Viviennemary · 03/04/2014 16:34

YABU. If I was them I tell you to find your own childcare from now on. Sorry but I'd be furious.

BillyBanter · 03/04/2014 16:40

At the end of the day you are the parents you decide whether your kids get to spend time with their GPs. The GPs can refuse to spend time with their GCs but they cannot insist on time with them. It is not their right to see their GC for X amount of time. If the current arrangement is not working for you then change it.

Also if you drop the kids off to visit them, the point where you pick them up again is the point when the visit finishes. then they go to activities and then wherever you choose, not back to the GPs. That's madness.

Onewomanarmy · 03/04/2014 17:28

vivian op is not tellng them to come home and cut the holiday short. It's an fe hours without the kids being there. I think fury is a bit much, calm down dear.

OwlCapone · 03/04/2014 17:41

If I was them I tell you to find your own childcare from now on. Sorry but I'd be furious.

And if you'd read the thread you'd see that the OP is going to stop this regular arrangement.

PlantsAndFlowers · 03/04/2014 17:49

YADNBU!

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