To ask what else was on the memo to all womankind that I clearly missed?

[Pipbin]

Last I heard fanjos could only be washed in pure water and even the thought of soap would give you thrush. Now it seems it's fine to scrub them with wire wool and dettol.
Also, it used to be ok to just trim the hair that might poke out around your knickers, but now all body hair is evil and must be removed via hot wax.
And then I read on MN that washing up in a bowl and then putting it on the draining board like they used to in the fairy adverts is all wrong and we should be washing up under running water.
And while we are about it, what the fuck is quinoa and more to the point how did everyone else know how to say it?

So what else was on this memo that I missed?

The durum wheat flour is rolled into grains with damp hands rather than mixed into a dough but it's essentially a type of pasta.

you could always cook the couscous in the water that you used to rinse the mince?

there's also the memo that says you must micro-manage your children's social life/activities in the school holidays lest they should experience a nano-second of boredom...

WD40? It supposed has 1,000 uses....

WD40? It supposedly has 1,00 uses.

Not that it helps me type...

I think I should be doing something with my eyebrows - waxing? plucking? - but I've missed the memo on what that is. So I just leave them be. They work fine. See?

eight

I'm a mince rinsing (pre not post), chicken washing, fanny soaping, toilet brushing, sweary & barey (yes in front of the children)& also hairy (pits and bits), wine guzzling (bottle not a glass) woman..... and I'm not going to LTB, start cupping the moon-flow, placing a special beaker by the bedside or taking snacks to funerals/weddings/dinner dances in case DC get peckish before the buffet.

I've got the spiral bound manual, the memos, the box set DVD and the app but I guess it's too late for me now.

That children's parties should be approached like negotiations of the United Nations lest you should unintentionally offend anyone, that ALL of the class have to be invited and that, inevitably, each birthday party will lead to a falling out at the school gate, mainly expressed through passive aggressive discussions via other mums and a thread on Mumsnet liberally using the word cunt.

^ ..love it!

That DH owns the entire responsibility for making Mother's Day absolutely beautiful for DW (sod the DCs & his own DM, what have they got to do with it?) and if he isn't doing his absolute utmost as per the 'All Because The Lady Loves Milk Tray Man' then he's an inconsiderable fuck has totally ruined the day & is being VVVU

I need this thread on my TIA It'll give me something to laff about when I've squirted disinfectant up me fanjo after ripping chunks off the fliss flaps with scorching hot beeswax.

Quinoa and couscous both, IMHO taste like damp sand.

When did a Feature Wall become a Statement Wall?? Although I'd heard they were now a Bad Thing.

I, too, read the douching instructions on dettol with this look on my face although have seriously considered it during a particularly bad bout of thrush

I grew up in a house with a downstairs bathroom. Evidently I should have been shitting in the garden for many years .

'If you stroke a dog you must wash your hands afterwards'. That's me fucked so. The hound regularly tongues me. I mean, I don't encourage it, but when almost 30 kilos of exuberant Weimy leaps in to your lap and shoves it's tongue at your mouth with the speed of a cheetah, there's not much you can do. I also frequently fish stuff out of his gob and then eat dinner, without being arsed to wash my hands .

I boil mince, don't give a shit if the house is dusty, and don't take my shoes off until I'm going to bed. I hate being made to take my shoes off in anyone else's house. I drink more wine and diet coke than I ought to. And I love all of it .

Ewwwwwwww Shadows, are you serious?! That's got to be one of the most disgusting things I've ever read, and I'm not easily grossed out...

I mean, diet coke? It tastes like rusty metal, you could at least drink the normal kind

CorusKate (love your mane, btw), not sure really. My Mum always did it that way. If you're doing mince and spuds it just has to be boiled mince.

Ha, TheGirl, I read the start of your post and wsd ready to get all indignant about my right to rummage around in the hound's gob before dinner. I really do prefer diet coke, my sister finds it as abhorrent as you. I think real coke tastes like meat

Er, your name that is, CorusKate. Although I'm sure your hair is lovely

I missed the memo about ironing every item, even the detol scented under crackers. Nothing here gets ironed and the iron has as much dust as everything else on it.
I also missed one about pack lunch for the dc being a gourmet journey into the exotic. Sarny, bag of crisps, yogurt and fruit goes in here and I am waiting to be reported to the 5 adAy food police!

Washing up under running water is a forrin thing. I know several people who do it and they are all from Asia or Africa. And the most hilarious thing is that a couple of them do it using cold water and squriting fairy liquid onto each item as it sits under the running tap.

It's unnecessary and incredibly wasteful. You just need to have very hot soapy water, make sure that anything very dirty is quickly rinsed first, and make sure you change the water in the bowl reasonably often so you aren't washing up in soup. Or give things a brief rinse at the end.

I missed the memo that said all new kids clothes should be washed at the highest temperature (who knows who handled them in the shop) to get rid of germs, grime and god know what else

I don't know what quinoa is and I'm not sure I want to

I put ds1 on baby rice at 7 weeks old, he was starving and on 8oz bottles, he's 22 now and absolutely fine

I have a toilet brush and use it regularly, because of ds2 (makes me hurl) but it is what it is

Ooh no Leel, it's now eat 70-100 pieces of fruit and vegetables a day, then you might live forever. However, you have to wash, peel & peel again the fruit and veg as it contains so many pesticides. If you eat an apple or a carrot without washing & peeling it, I think you spontaneously combust, (which is bad for the environment, BTW)

Don't forget the public transport rule! absolutely don't ever ever ever get on the bus with your buggy or pram and dc..even if you are going miles and the bus is empty. .buggies on buses is no longer allowed and oh my god if you have twins just don't even bother leaving the house your twin buggy definitely wont fit on the bus or the sidewalk and well you just can't cope if we're honest