to plan to meet for lunch at a time that fits in with my 18 month old?

[backtotheplanet]

My parents are retired and my sister works for 1 hour a day in the late afternoon and is currently studying part time. They wanted to arrange to meet for lunch in a restaurant where they live which is no problem for me at all. I suggested meeting at 12 so I can get my active 18 month old DS1 settled and started on lunch, in the hope of keeping him occupied and avoiding over hungry and tired meltdowns and this was all agreed.

My Sister called the evening before and asked to if it was possible move the time because 12 is a 'bit early for her' and she has been a bit 'nocturnal' recently (she doesn't have children btw). Unfortunately my explanation of why I had suggested 12 didn't go down well (it was not the immediate agreement was hoping for) and although we could have been a little flexible with the times, I didn't get the chance to work it out. She very quickly lost her temper and in the end she called off the lunch.

This is not the first time my family have expressed mild shock at arriving anywhere this early in the day and I'm finding myself in a difficult position. My son wakes at 7, generally eats around 12 and sleeps around 1:30 -3:30 /4. My family really don't do mornings and its always difficult to find a suitable time to make everyone happy. We can be much more flexible in each others houses but restaurants are one of those places that my son just wants to explore and run around in. He will eat, but not sleep and can do about 30 mins max in the high chair. For other reasons that I won't go into my mum wanted to meet in a restaurant this time.

AIBU to ask my family to meet a bit earlier so that we can eat lunch at a time that fits in with my son? Is 12 really too early?

When I apologized to my mum for the lunch being called off she did say 'well, lunch is usually at 1 o'clock'

I am feeling really disappointed that my family, who don't seem to have any obstacles to getting to the restaurant at 12, other than what time they get up in the day, can't be more understanding.

I didn't realise I could teach a child to sleep in a buggy or a car. All this time I've been dealing with a tired, tantruming toddler when I could have just taught her to sleep in a buggy.
How do I do that exactly? Step by step instructions would be ideal.

How do people with more than one child cope with the can only sleep in own cot thing ?

My DC rarely went for naps in their cot because an elder DC needed collecting from playgroup/ nursery/ school and so they slept in their pushchair or pram.

MillionPramMiles I would also like to learn this helpful trick. We might have to wait till the book ("One small plastic bag: how to be the perfect parent") comes out to know the secret.

I love the fact that some people think that the OP's child should be more flexible so that her adult aunt doesn't have to have her lunch a bit earlier than usual!

I think everyone is being unreasonable here.

Exactly whatever. Too busy banging on about children being in a routine when it strikes me the adults' routines for naps and food are less flexible.

I'm fascinated by the plastic bag. What happens when you have a toddler and a baby and you need to take formula, bottles, at least one muslin and a couple of bibs? Oh and a few changes of clothes for the baby, who poos up its back twice a day. Do you take a drink of water and snacks for the older child or do you buy as you go to save space? When you get inside and take off 2 x jackets and 2 x woolly hats, where do you put them?

Could it be that the "small plastic bag" posters go out in the car? Or only for nice day trips to child-friendly places? Cos typically when I go out I'm going to the GP/vaby clinic/meeting friends and also switching childcare with DH as we swap over shifts; or doing some shopping / going to the chemist etc., since as I need to get everywhere by bus I always have to book several things for each time I go out and am out for several hours, esp. in the winter.

My typical load is: small changing mat/pack wipes/couple of nappies/change of clothes/muslin/bibs/reins/spare hat/extra cardy or snowsuit/umbrella/1-2 small toys/sippy cup/snacks/baby lunch/my handbag with all my essential stuff, inhalers/purse/phone/scarf etc./buggy raincover/red book/library books/my work stuff incl. books I need that day/anything to take back or post in town; and on the way back, shopping, incl. essential food top-up shopping.

I wish I could fit all that in a small plastic bag

traininthedistance you simply don't need all that stuff. Ditch the cardy, children have to learn to be cold every now and again. You don't need reins, just teach the child to not run under cars. Leave the purse at home and let your friends pay. Library books? Get a kindle. Inhalers - pah. Once that crap is gone you should be able to fit all your stuff into a small plastic bag.

at spatchock

spatchcock nearly had an irony fail then

Loving the plastic bag book concept, but remain in the yanbu camp, the adults are behaving like children here so tell them to have their morning nap before coming along as you would appreciate lunch without their histrionics

If this was my family I would tell them to shove their lunch up their behinds

namechangegamechange Tue 01-Apr-14 15:41:43

How do people with more than one child cope with the can only sleep in own cot thing ?confused

But why would you take a small plastic bag anyway? Even if what you were carrying would fit in a small plastic bag, surely you'd put it in something nicer and easier to carry.

Where are all these parents following their toddlers around with one of those small plastic bags (I'm imagining the kind you get free at M&S) filled with wipes, nappies and a spare vest?

I'm going to have to stop reading this thread am afraid, its making me laugh out loud in public. People are staring at me. They must know I'm an incompetent parent with a routine obsessed toddler.

I'm thinking more the small clear plastic bag you get at the airport to put your liquids in, with a ziplock fastener, so that everyone can see just how organised you are

well lunch is usually at 1 oclock
Fuck off!
Yanbu

OP, YANBU.

Some people have super flexible children - personally I think some kids naturally like routine (just like some adults do), some are naturally flexible (just like adults) and some fall somewhere in the middle and can be made to go either way by parenting styles.

But:
-I don't think OP has said whether she works or not. If your child goes to nursery or a childminder they will almost certainly have a relatively fixed lunchtime. If you eat lunch at the same time 5 days a week, then your body gets used to it and you will be hungry. Even without going to childcare a lot of people find life just naturally falls in to a routine and once a baby/toddler gets used to that it can be tricky to go too far off schedule.
-likewise naps, if you are used to sleeping you'll be tired at that time
-you can't really rationalise with a tired toddler.
-not all children will sleep in buggies. And even those who will sleep in buggies will often only sleep in moving buggies and wake up the second they stop (got one like that!) and would never have contemplated sleeping in a buggy in an exciting restaurant. DD at 18 months would only sleep in a cot or moving car seat no matter how often we tried.

Ta always 12 here too. Or offer to do coffee and cake at 3?

I love these people are so obsessed with being super flexible with their timings. Do they not have to be at work in the morning at a set time? Or do their children not go to school? Do they really deliberately have lunchtime at 1pm one day, 3pm the next and 2 pm the day after that (but NEVER 12 pm because that is clearly an incredibly unreasonable time for lunch)? Maybe they wake their children in the middle of the night to make sure they don't get into a routine of STTN.

As adults we all have routines, a newborn baby doesn't have a routine but we ALL train them into routines to fit into the adult world. Part of that process does sometimes involve being not so flexible for a while, e.g. when toddlers drop naps there can be a short period when they need to eat on time otherwise they fall asleep before they can eat properly (and those are the easy babies, the harder ones will tantrum if they are tired and hungry). But ultimately they should all become flexible adults. except the Dsis of the OP of course.

I don't think yabu.

I'm lucky in that DS (12mo) is pretty flexible during the day. He will still sleep in his buggy and as long as he has some food in front of him, will stay happy.

However, come 7pm at the latest, if he isn't in bed he is a screaming, head throwing, dramatic little monster. It's not me being precious, it's just the way he is. This is regardless of getting up time or naps.

So taking this into account, I try and give him his dinner around 5 so he isn't going to bed on a full stomach. Which means that plans do get disrupted.

I was going to a family tea party the other day which was scheduled to start at 4. I said that was fine, but we would be leaving by half six. My sister chose to bring the party forward to 2pm because she wanted us there longer. Kind of her and I didn't ask her to (though I could have). It worked well as my elderly grandad is on a similar schedule as my DS.

And as expected, DS chucked the monstrosity of tantrums around half six (too excited, too much birthday cake, too tired). Which wouldn't have been fun for anyone if we had had to hang around.

If people want to see you, it's reasonable that they are flexible. It's only for a few occasions over a few years. It's not about you being precious but about trying to make that occasion as screaming-toddler free as possible.

I don't like taking things out in a small plastic bag. Feels trampy. And what if people judge me for my waitrose aldi bag?

I found my changing bag perfectly adequate for the nappies, wipes, nappy sacks, change of clothes, and all my random crap which I carted around before I had DS.

Lego - being a bit obtuse there

Can't speak for all of the "super flexible" parents on the thread, but no of course we don't deliberately move things around. Just when it suits. So I work 4 days a week, on 2 of those days my DCs are at nursery until lunchtime in the afternoons and on the other two days we have a nanny.

So breakfast can be anytime between 730 and 9 depending on the day of the week, similarly lunch as early as 1145 (at nursery) or as late as 2 at weekends, to fit around what we are doing, with snacks as required. Nap sometimes starts as early as 1, sometimes as late as 4. Or not at all. Tea anytime between 5 and 630. Bed around 7 on weekdays, 8 or later at weekends especially if we are out or have friends over.
They are a little older than the OP (2.4 yo twins) but have pretty much always been like this.

I am intrigued by all the posters who say they must be home for a certain time for naps. Do you never go out for the day? What happens on holiday or at the weekends? Sounds very restrictive.

In our house by far the least flexible person is DH. If he doesn't eat at what he considers the right time he becomes a complete pain in the arse. And then he tries to pretend that we need to eat at 12.30 because of Ds2, but that's really not what's going on at all. Both kids would be fine if we didn't eat til 2.

I do find it annoying having life driven by the numbers of a clock rather than circumstances and hunger (etc). It doesn't bother me if it's other people's schedules (I'm happy to work around friends whose children have quite rigid nap times etc), but it annoys me when DH is stropping around and clearly didn't eat enough for breakfast.