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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to plan to meet for lunch at a time that fits in with my 18 month old?

241 replies

backtotheplanet · 31/03/2014 15:20

My parents are retired and my sister works for 1 hour a day in the late afternoon and is currently studying part time. They wanted to arrange to meet for lunch in a restaurant where they live which is no problem for me at all. I suggested meeting at 12 so I can get my active 18 month old DS1 settled and started on lunch, in the hope of keeping him occupied and avoiding over hungry and tired meltdowns and this was all agreed.

My Sister called the evening before and asked to if it was possible move the time because 12 is a 'bit early for her' and she has been a bit 'nocturnal' recently (she doesn't have children btw). Unfortunately my explanation of why I had suggested 12 didn't go down well (it was not the immediate agreement was hoping for) and although we could have been a little flexible with the times, I didn't get the chance to work it out. She very quickly lost her temper and in the end she called off the lunch.

This is not the first time my family have expressed mild shock at arriving anywhere this early in the day and I'm finding myself in a difficult position. My son wakes at 7, generally eats around 12 and sleeps around 1:30 -3:30 /4. My family really don't do mornings and its always difficult to find a suitable time to make everyone happy. We can be much more flexible in each others houses but restaurants are one of those places that my son just wants to explore and run around in. He will eat, but not sleep and can do about 30 mins max in the high chair. For other reasons that I won't go into my mum wanted to meet in a restaurant this time.

AIBU to ask my family to meet a bit earlier so that we can eat lunch at a time that fits in with my son? Is 12 really too early?

When I apologized to my mum for the lunch being called off she did say 'well, lunch is usually at 1 o'clock'

I am feeling really disappointed that my family, who don't seem to have any obstacles to getting to the restaurant at 12, other than what time they get up in the day, can't be more understanding.

OP posts:
bubblegoose · 01/04/2014 14:32

Everyone bow down to dinosaur and her small plastic bag and superior parenting! Seriously - can you not accept that small children are different from one another? That some need a routine and some don't?

Dinosaursareextinct · 01/04/2014 14:37

You can call it boasting if you like, arethey, but I've always been perplexed by the huge fuss so many people make about having young children. Maybe it's time to spread the message that having a baby doesn't have to mean buying a 4x4 and completely changing your lifestyle. Do you think that our babies and toddlers were exceptional in being so easy? I doubt it. A good bit of the fuss is tied up with consumerism - trying to get people to think they need more and more stuff. And the pressure to be the perfect mum by following somebody else's method set out in a book - which is sold to mums in order to make that person money.

cloggal · 01/04/2014 14:38

Agree with Calamitous completely.

I have a 'flexible' 10mo who will nonetheless expect his lunch within a certain time (between about 12.30 and 2). Not unreasonable, and if adults are apparently unable to eat one hour or even half an hour early, why should we expect him to? That said, I would turn up early, feed him and then leave when it suited us if the adults weren't willing to compromise.

Dinosaursareextinct · 01/04/2014 14:39

Bubble - I doubt it. Did those parents try parenting without a routine? Once you've got the child into a routine, it will obviously be difficult to break out of it. And why do you need more than you can fit into a small plastic bag which goes in your back-pack? Were my children from a different species, with fewer daily needs?

YouWithTheFace · 01/04/2014 14:40

My dad is seriously nocturnal and eats a large breakfast at around 10. He doesn't really do lunch at all. However, he is able to get by on a bowl of cereal abd join us for toddler-timed lunch so we CAN all eat as a family when we have family lunches. I appreciate this a lot ans it makes it a lot easier to do family stuff. It's nice to be nice, especially if it avoids avoida b le misery.

thebody · 01/04/2014 14:41

dinosaur my 4 kids had a flexible routine based on us all being happy, well fed and rested.

If an event wasn't going to give us all that we wouldn't go.

having 4 kids you really do realise that what you did for number 1 has absolutly no bearing on what number 4 liked.

ds1 slept anywhere with a cuddle.

ds2 refused cuddles and would not sleep anywhere other than his travel cot/ordinary cot.

dd1 never napped.

dd2 another cuddler.

all totally different needs as babies but now all well adjusted happy adults.

your parenting style is not to be criticised or applauded. it's what you did. op will do what she does.

so bloody what!

thebody · 01/04/2014 14:47

to add in fairness how many children did you have and the age Gaps.

I had 2 under 2 and them a huge gap and again 2 under 2.

to take out 4 kids aged,10,8,2 and 1 a little plastic bag ain't going to cut squat. Grin

giraffeseatpineapples · 01/04/2014 14:48

YANBU but I would have done as whoneedssleep suggests, feed toddler at 12.00 and walk to restaraunt so toddler sleeps in pushchair.

Odaat · 01/04/2014 14:49

I can sympathiSe. Glad the general consensus is YAnBU .
My family huff and puff about my dds naps, but as pp have stated , why make dc upset and it not enjoyable for anyone by having a grumpy / whingeing dc

thebody · 01/04/2014 14:49

I agree with you on the parenting books though making so called experts money for old rope.

Dinosaursareextinct · 01/04/2014 14:51

thebody -with 2 in nappies you'd need a slightly bigger plastic bag - but nothing really for the older ones, except maybe a small bottle of water and some biscuits? Unless you're planning a trip up Everest, for instance.

CalamitouslyWrong · 01/04/2014 14:53

Why is the theoretical little plastic bag even an issue here? Do people really care how much other people choose to cart about and in what kind of receptacle?

What if people choose to put it in a backpack rather than a plastic bag? Grin

whatever5 · 01/04/2014 14:54

YANBU. Although I didn't like too much routine myself when my children were small and would have happily moved feeding/sleep times to fit in with other parents and small children, you shouldn't have to do that with adults.

12 o'clock is not that early for an adult to have lunch. Your sister is being very childish to be so inflexible.

RiverTam · 01/04/2014 14:57

oh god, Dinosaur - you really won't understand, will you - NOT EVERYONE IS YOU! YOUR CHILDREN ARE NOT THE SAME AS EVERYONE ELSE'S! YOU ARE NOT BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE. YOU ARE, HOWEVER, SOUNDING MORE AND MORE SMUG AND IMPATIENT WITH THOSE WHO DON'T DO AS YOU DO.

If I thought everyone was like you - utterly lacking in imagination or empathy - I would have been even more anxious than I already was, and probably wouldn't have left the house. Thank fuck I don't know anyone like you in RL.

thebody · 01/04/2014 14:57

dinosaur I do get your point but each has to parent the way suits.

I totally agree with you in the crap that we feel we have to buy and on daft parenting books/styles absolutely spot on.

however in the ops case I hardly think lunch at 12 is a strange request and I feel that 3 adults who dont do mornings are slightly unhinged.

Guineapig99 · 01/04/2014 14:58

Any chance of you being more flexible? Feed the kids 1st at home and hopefully he'll sleep during the adult lunch? Or give him a snack so that he can eat later with everyone? We have done these at various times. I'm assumming that you have a PFB on your hands...

Guineapig99 · 01/04/2014 15:01

Oh, and don't let him run around restaurants - it's annoying! take some toys or something.

Also - with little ones who don't want to go to sleep in a restaurant etc - wheeeling them around outside and bringing them in asleep can work well. that way you get some peace to eat too...

bubblegoose · 01/04/2014 15:07

OK, if being a good parent is measured by how little you take out with you, you win, Dinosaur!

RandomPants · 01/04/2014 15:10

Some children don't sleep in buggies. And some awaken the second the car engine is switched off. DS would have slept beautifully if I'd been able to take his cot and darkened room everywhere we went.

Sadly I couldn't fit it in my plastic bag.

Happydaze247 · 01/04/2014 15:13

Well said RandomPants do we have the same dc?!

thebody · 01/04/2014 15:15

yes Random as you say they really are all different.

fond memories of taking a travel cot into the beach so ds2 could sleep rather than scream for hours in my arms.

he's 23 now and sleeps anywhere!! Grin

MillionPramMiles · 01/04/2014 15:16

In the 39 years before I became a parent I never once felt the need to ask any of my friends or family with toddlers to turn up at a restaurant at a time of my choosing. I let them choose when/where because it was obviously a billion times easier for me to fit in.

Am humbled by the clearly superior parenting skills of some posters with their model children who can be taken anywhere at anytime and behave impeccably. Some of us poor incompetent parents are blessed with toddlers who won't sleep on command. We clearly need to try harder. Perhaps you could write a guide book of your wisdom for us. Eternally grateful.

giraffeseatpineapples · 01/04/2014 15:24

The thing is even when dc have been fed and rested according to schedule there is still no guarantee they will behave impeccably. The buggy thing for instance is just a suggestion. I was horrified when my mum used to get my pfb ds off to sleep in the buggy; but actually once I adopted that as a method and became more flexible around lunch time (not bedtime though) life was a lot less stressful.

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/04/2014 15:25

12pm is too early for lunch for me (and i work nights lol)

its give and take,i love children in a routine but they can be moulded/tweaked for odd days out

i agree with dinosaur and ceeveebee

so either a small snack, lunch then sleep in buggy

or lunch at 12/sleep and then snack at table with others finishing lunch

a nice sleep in the cot is good but also good for children to learn to sleep in buggies/car etc

its one day :)

RiverTam · 01/04/2014 15:28

yes, but if they wrote a book it would then be wrong for us to give into consumerism and buy it, Million Grin.

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