To absolutely fucking hate...

[MinnieMouse5678]

...kids that squeal at the top of their voices for absolutely no reason than wanting attention!

And also their parents for not making them shut the hell up!

Im not talking babies or even toddlers, but young children just bloody squealing! Argh!!!!!!

So very sorry Fanjo
I didn't mean to ignore your post at all - its just that time of the evening. (you know , burning two DCs food, incorrectly packing swimming kit, not listening to DH all at the same time)

your DD sounds lovely.

for you too Polter. Im sorry .

Pag..I understand

Pag..I understand

Xx

This is probably the fluffiest thread ever on MN now

I think for me now dd is a teenager and for all intents and purposes appears 'normal' it is getting really tricky. People have a lot less understanding for what looks like stroppy teen behaviour.

She has headphones on often n stressful situations and I have people making "well meaning" comments that she should be listening to her mum or some such!

She has dyspraxia and her use of a knife and fork is still a bit awkward, people look and even tut in restaurants, I've seen them.

I just would like people to pause before they pass judgement on anyone's child of whatever age. Things are not always what they seem.

RaRa

"I REALLY need is for people to question what they read in the papers as this is currently fuelling an increase in the abuse of disabled people and portraying them as a drain and therefore fair game for disdain. I don't read tabloids but would definitely challenge anybody saying that 'disabled people are a drain'.

I need people to not automatically assume that having a child with a disability = access to services or provision. It doesn't. Service have to be fought for against unbelievable resistance and when it is finally got it is usually shite. Yes.

I need people to stand up to their friends and relatives who moan and tut when for a rare and hugely planned and prepped trip to an amusement park we go to the front of the queue for the only one of two rides our children can cope with. I can do that.

I need people to support the bus driver when he requests someone folds their buggy so the wheelchair user can get on and they refuse. I can do that.

I need people to support their colleagues at work/at Governing Board meetings/ at events when the lead for SEN or Disability makes a request to a groan and accusation of being a party pooper. Yes.

If you see an older (dd is 7) child hitting her Mum and screaming her head off in the supermarket and then hiding her head inside her Mum's coat just assume she has SN and don't stare or tut, please just carry on with your shopping, don't try to talk to her or tell her off because she will probably scream at you too, don't get huffy when she does. If the Mum does catch your eye, just smile at her sympathetically. Once a woman looked at me and smiled and said quietly "don't worry we've ALL been there", maybe not because this was an autism meltdown but I always remember her kindness to me.

Another big one is when I explain about my dc's SN don't say disbelievingly "but she looks FINE!" Or "how come he can manage to play a computer game but not hold a pen then?" Honestly I could give you a really technical answer but you wouldn't understand it. Please just believe me without making me explain yet again how a child can look totally "normal" but still have massively complex SN. My voice shakes and I stutter when I explain not because I am lying or exaggerating but because I know you won't really believe me, people never do.

Thanks Lying. That will help a lot.

It's great to be helpful/kind to individuals but it is our culture and society that needs to change for the better. Expectations need to be high and so does acceptance, and that starts with policies, institutions, newspapers and enforced laws to protect rights.

I get that too Sparkly. My ds attends and orchestra where is sits in one place for a whole hour. An absolutely amazing achievement for him though he is hugely motivated.

The staff there don't understand why I'm unlikely to consent to his attendance at a residential weekend.

He can't dress himself, differentiate his belongings from someone elses, at school needs learning breaks every 15mins, sleep in a different bed from his own, cope with thirst not being met immediately etc.

And these staff are actually amazing and inclusive and so very caring and accommodating and have got to know him a little.

" FanjoForTheMammaries
This is probably the fluffiest thread ever on MN now"

It really is!

Also, massive kudos to LyingWitch who has listened and explained and listened some more.

i have only just managed to read through this thread in entirety.

and to pagwatch and fanjo for their enduring patience and balanced posting. I am in awe, as always (if I'd been on this thread earlier I'd have been swearing, I should think).

Lying you ask what you can do to help stop parents of children with SN being resigned to the shite that we face daily. One (very small) thing would be to not automatically assume that anytime a post mentions children with SN, or asks for posters to consider SN, there is a "SN brigade"

Pagwatch said it far better than I ever could, but we all post our own views, and our experiences can't help but colour that.

Years ago now, after a spate of threads like this one, I posted a thread entitled something like 'we are all doing our best' - asking posters to remember that parents of children with SN are jsut the same as parents of NT children, and that we are all muddling through day to day. We are no different, but are often treated very differently, because as soon as we try to mention our experiences, we are asked to stop posting, or told that our lives are not relevant to the thread.

We exist. our children exist. we live in the same world, and there is a high chance that my dd1 would be viewed as hideously behaved (and dd2 as well, now I come to think of it!) from a snapshot of her behaviour - the squealing, or the shouting when I don't buy biscuits. Or dd2 weeping quietly and looking for all the world as though she is an entitled spoilt brat when I don't buy her some Disney princess tat (she has AS. I read the OP a couple of days ago and thought "yep, that could be my child" straight away.

probably a good thing I didn't post asking people to consider hidden disabilities, giventhe reaction that got.

so please, don't tut and mutter if posters do mention SN - it doesn't mean that they (we) are asking for all behaviours to be excused at all times, it is simply an ask to consider that there might be a different reason for the behaviours (and that therefore, ther really could be a work-in-progress that you are not seeing)

fanjo just read one of your posts which made me feel really sad. if you were ever in my local cafe i would chat, smile and say hello! i couldn't possibly ignore a child who waved at me, i'd always smile and wave back

A woman stood in front of me at Tesco checkouts once, she was with her adult son who clearly had special needs. She shouted at me saying I was staring. I didn't think I was staring, actually. Im normally really shirty when people accuse me of things I haven't done - but I made a split second decision to just say sorry, as she'd gone to say 'Ive had this all my life, people staring'. Anyway we had a couple of minutes chat after that and she said 'at least you looked AT him - not through him'

If people look away rigid faced when a child waves, whether child has SN or not, Im likely to feel they're just sour and disgruntled with life.. & if they look away simply because child has SN then they're ignorant and hopefully there are enough nice, sensible people around to counteract that nonsense. Re. supermarket incident - I looked at the woman and her son as they were in front of me. I wouldn't NOT look - if that makes sense. The way that some when they see a person with SN do everything but look directly at them is offensive, I feel..

Thanks winter

There are hardly any people around who do counteract the nonsense, sadly. For whatever reason.

I am so glad to come back to this thread and see the positive turn it has taken.

I agree with Alarm. I hate to see the 'eye roll' posts when someone brings up their child with special needs, it is rude, hurtful and unnecessary.

My ds is still young, we haven't had many of the hurtful comments or stares, although they have started as he is getting nearer school age. I hate that ds's older sisters have heard the comments and asked incredulously, 'are they talking about mini hazey?'

I would ask that if I mention that ds can't speak that people don't tell me a story about their cousin/Einstein who didn't speak until yadayada... And for people to try and understand that a person can have a disability without having a diagnosis.

Mini hazey is the cutest child ever. Shame on them

Just heard 'all you need is love' on radio..very apt for this thread.

Apparently not so cute when he is a 'fucking slow walker'/ spinning in a cafe / squealing (ahem)!!

Anyway, deep breath.......Love, Love, Love