To absolutely fucking hate...

[MinnieMouse5678]

...kids that squeal at the top of their voices for absolutely no reason than wanting attention!

And also their parents for not making them shut the hell up!

Im not talking babies or even toddlers, but young children just bloody squealing! Argh!!!!!!

The OP got hammered for the use of language, rather than the meaning of the comment.

The disagreements that followed were largely to do with the responses to that rather that to the OP who has left us to pursue a career as a SEN Statementing Officer!

caitlyn from what you say it sounds as though your ds's SN are immediately apparent. I think the people who have issue with this have dc with invisible SN and generally encounter quite a lot of judgment and prejudice. I certainly do with my dc who both look entirely NT.

Sparklysilversequins they weren't always obvious, but that's besides the point.

I just think its counterproductive for us mums of SN children to assume the worst in people. We should be showing people the lead in a positive way, and not just because its better for our blood pressure.

I had an experience in Eurodisney with my son that was horrific and my reaction was to push someone off a wall they were sitting on, but I didnt. Instead I went and bought the bloke a cold drink and offered it to him whilst saying you obviously need to cool off a bit. It was effective, more effective than pushing him off the wall even tho its what I wanted to do. He was shamefaced, he learned a lesson, there was no blood, and my blood pressure was ok.

I havent even read the whole thread, the first few answers from some of the mums were enough. There's really no need for hammering someone.

But I still stand by what I said - the OP really hasn't said anything wrong.

Kids squealing out of excitement or as part of a game can be annoying, but kids are just learning and they will forget themselves sometimes. I always tell DDs that screaming is only for emergencies.

I find adults misbehaving much more annoying, like the group of women in their 20s behind me at the theatre recently who were talking at full volume through some of the songs.

It is not down to us to make people behave better towards us.

It is up to THEM to be decent.

I think the OP deserved to be hammered actually as it's became apparent they are a goady troll.

Katnip yes about adults like that, hen parties screeching through city centre on a saturday lunchtime are massively more irritating.

It's up to everybody to be tolerant, surely? How does anybody know if anybody else is NT or has SN? As has been said, it's not clear, so it must be assumed that whatever the behaviour, there could be SN.

To effing hate any kids is unreasonable. Screaming older children could be unable to control, or un disciplined, or emotional unable to cope, etc or a complete mixture of all. Far too many blurred lines and far too many to be able to understand never mind judge. Being NT(hate the term) does not equal problem free. Having a disabled child who looks NT was extremely hard between the ages of 4 and 10 when childlike behaviour masks the non verbal, severe learning difficulties cute little boy.

Being decent works both ways.

Lying - that's where I find these discussions hard - because of course we should be tolerant of those with SNs etc - but should we be tolerant of those who are badly behaved for no reason (and often badly parented too) - I'm talking older kids here really? It's hard for a village to bring up a child if no-one will say anything in case a child's behaviour is down to SNs.

Does greater tolerance and understanding of SNs lead to overindulgence of bad behaviour in NT children? And will NT children take advantage of that - knowing that adults won't tell them off 'just in case'?

I don't know what the answer is, but it does seem that the one is the natural flip side of the other, and neither are great (I mean neither lack of tolerance of children with SNs, or too much tolerance of bad behaviour in NT children).

But I do think that the OP was goady, mainly because she never returned (if she had and joined in the debate then perhaps her post would have been merely badly phrased), so I don't know why this is still here.

MNHQ care to comment on why some goady threads are deleted and others left to stand?

To be honest I think it is unreasonable to expect an equally measured response from everyone regarding this issue.
Pretending it's all a level playing field and everyone is equally affected is nonsense.
The mums who are reacting to what seems to be an incredibly negative and hostile reaction to their children are quite probably facing that every time they leave their homes. It shapes their lives, makes them feel judged and excluded and desperately upset for their child.

So it's not really an 'it works both ways' thing is it?

Everyone should just be polite to people, that's the best way. If you are disturbed by someone being noisy, however rude they are being, FGS ask them nicely to be quiet. At least to begin with!

When DS2 was small he had a huge meltdown once. We were in Boots. I didn't really understand - he was regressing fast at that point.
It ended up that the only way I could calm him and stop him screaming was to get down on the floor with him and hold him.
Just as he was calming someone tapped me on the shoulder .
As I turned she slapped me across the head and said "people like you shouldn't be allowed to have children'
All of that was in front of my other , 5 year old, son.
I could give you a bunch of those stories right up to a few weeks ago. Now DS2 is older we just get people shouting 'retard' or staring. Or DH having 'fucking paedophile' shouted at him because DS2 at 17 still needs to hold his hand.

If people genuinely can't imagine where the defensiveness comes from they should try. Really. Imagine judgement and hostility and then ridicule and contempt on a fair proportion of the occasions when you simply leave your home to do stuff. Imagine your other children having to get used to that.
Seriously. Try.

'Does greater tolerance and understanding of SNs lead to overindulgence of bad behaviour in NT children?'

That makes no sense. Be tolerant. If you are tolerant then you a)will not judge those who make noises and b)not make noises yourself if you can help it.

The best thing you can do for your kids, is model, talk about, expose and demonstrate tolerance. The rest will fall into place.

Love thy neighbour!!!

Bloody hell, that's awful, Pag. I just don't get people doing things like that.

I get that, Pagwatch, I really do - it is NOT a level playing field and I've said that I have no idea of the challenges that a parent of a child with SN faces. I'm aghast at your last post, that this happened to you. That's disgusting. If I witnessed something blatantly I would absolutely stick up for whoever it was being abused. That's something that we could all do but, it's n-o-t-i-c-i-n-g, being cognisant and aware that this is going on under our noses. Those of us who don't have a child with SN are not sensitised to it, I suppose, to the nuances of glances and looks. I would be oblivious, I think, but if I had a child with SN, I would not...

My last post was in respect of those children with SN growing up to be adults. I don't presume to know whether some children with SN grow out of some SN behaviours, or overcome them, but in assuming that SN is still present at adulthood, I would probably take the view that behaviours presenting as 'untypical' in my orbit, are the result of SN and that tolerance is needed.

I'm interested very much in what you post because it's a 'world' I don't know and don't inhabit. I know that you're not posting to 'educate', but you're doing it all the same and with some considerable grace and patience. Thank you.

Thank you.

It's one of the virtues of mn - that we all get a window on each others experiences.

Wow, pagwatch.
As ever, I'm stunned into silence by what you've experienced.

I've learned much, over the years, from reading your posts. Thank you.

Caitlin. I am very very polite and decent thanks.

But if someone is an idiot it's down to them and nit my fault.

Have never been rude to anyone in fact..although many have been rude about DD.

I do agree people lashed out at start of thread and that isnt helpful if understandable.

I wasnt here then.

I do agree people lashed out at start of thread and that isnt helpful if understandable.

I wasnt here then.