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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wibu to invite the older ds and not the little one?

79 replies

pyjamaramadrama · 29/03/2014 12:11

Ds is having 6th birthday party soon, only 10 kids to keep cost down. Soft play.

My friends ds is only a month apart in age and my ds and her ds have always been friends.

Friend has since has another ds who's almost 2.

I was going to invite her older ds only. but can I really do that? School friends the assumption is no siblings or you pay them in.

But is it different as she's my friend too?

OP posts:

Original poster

pyjamaramadrama · 29/03/2014 12:14

Obviously I wasn't going to say little ds can't come but word the invitation as big ds is invited to my ds party.

OP posts:

Balaboosta · 29/03/2014 12:15

Of course you can't. If you can't afford this kind of party find a different way to have a party.

thebody · 29/03/2014 12:15

just put his name in the invite. she can then either leave the little one or bring him at her own cost.

he's 2 so hardly going to participate in the play/games/party bags.

if she wants to bring him then up to her to sort him out.

formerbabe · 29/03/2014 12:15

I'd invite them both just to avoid any potential offence. Does she have childcare if you just invite her eldest?

ilovepowerhoop · 29/03/2014 12:16

invite the older one as she can either drop off the older one for the party or she has the option of paying the younger one into the softplay herself and staying with him.

I have done the second option with my kids.

ilovepowerhoop · 29/03/2014 12:17

I would only invite the older one as it is a big age difference - she can drop him off or pay the younger one in herself. I wouldnt find it an issue at all.

ilovepowerhoop · 29/03/2014 12:18

she doesnt need childcare to drop off at softplay so it is a non-issue (imho)

DurhamDurham · 29/03/2014 12:19

Invite the older one, I would never have been offended in this situation. It's not like you are saying the little one can't come, it's just that his mum will pay for him

Shesparkles · 29/03/2014 12:21

I think once they're at school it's much easier with friends' kids to only invite the sibling of similar age, I certainly had no issue with it when my kids were younger

Original poster

pyjamaramadrama · 29/03/2014 12:21

It's soft play and it's a set amount for 10 children. I can 'afford' this type of party, but ds is having enough other stuff so I'd decided to set a limit to the 10.

I was just thinking the little one won't be able to participate in the same way.

She has a dp but I suppose potentially it could be awkward for her depending when he's working. She could pay the little one in for less than the cost but I don't want to be rude or cause offence for the sake of me paying £7 for an extra head.

So I'll go with the MN jury....

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 29/03/2014 12:22

Of course you can! It's a soft play party for 6 year old's - a 2 year old probably won't even be allowed in the same part as the bigger ones, and if he is, he'll have to be more closely supervised.
They're not close enough in age for her to expect them both to attend the same parties, unless it was a huge thing with various age groups.

NearTheWindymill · 29/03/2014 12:22

It's the 6 year old's party. Presumably he has had some considerable say in his guests. You can afford 9 guests in addition to your ds. 6 year old's don't generally invite 2 year old's to parties and I don't see why the two year old should be invited also on a cost per head type of party.

If your friend is going to stay and help you supervise the other guests then I think it would be gracious to pay for the two year old. If she is free to tootle off to the shops either on her own or with the two year old then I can see no reason why you should be obliged to include the two year old.

Original poster

pyjamaramadrama · 29/03/2014 12:24

It's £50 for 10 children you see but then £7 for additionals.

OP posts:

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 29/03/2014 12:24

If she's your friend then speak to her, and explain the situation. Then give big DC the invite just for him.

From other MN threads, I suspect you may have other siblings turning up too...

HolidayCriminal · 29/03/2014 12:28

In softplay we go to the 2yo would be right in there playing with bigger kids.

Only invite the older one & friend can bring & pay for younger one if she wants. That's how folk around here would do it.

Whocansay · 29/03/2014 12:33

It's perfectly normal to invite one sibling round here. A 2 year old isn't really going to be able to join in with 6 years olds anyway.

gamerchick · 29/03/2014 12:36

can you not just put on the invite that any extra siblings brought along are at their parents cost?

Original poster

pyjamaramadrama · 29/03/2014 12:39

I've done the school invitations already, didn't think, knowing the ones that are coming I don't think that they'll bring siblings, I hope!

Was just going to text or email friend as the ds's don't go to the same school. And don't want to word it and end up looking an arse.

OP posts:

Original poster

pyjamaramadrama · 29/03/2014 12:40

I was just going to say 'ds party at X on X he would love big ds to come'.

Then thought shit what about little ds.

OP posts:

Bunbaker · 29/03/2014 12:43

"Of course you can't. If you can't afford this kind of party find a different way to have a party."

Of course she can. There is such a sense of self entitlement among some parents who expect all their children to be invited to a party. The invitation is for the older one only. There is nothing wrong with that.

pyjama I would ring your friend and say that her older child is invited, but you can't accommodate the younger one as a party guest, although he is welcome to comet the soft play if your friend wants to pay him in. This was common practice and accepted as the norm when DD was little.

thebody · 29/03/2014 12:46

op doesn't have to invite siblings! if that was the case we would never have afforded to have any.

thebody · 29/03/2014 12:50

I wouldn't dream of thinking that siblings were either invited or paid for. how bloody rude is that!

balaboosta very strange response.

DeWe · 29/03/2014 13:31

Never come across anyone who expected/assumed siblings are invited. Occasionally a parent who was staying would choose to pay for the sibling if it was soft play type place. However they wouldn't bring them into the party room for food.

Thinking about it: For ds' 6th party we invited 3 children. If we'd had siblings as well, there would have been 6 extra children. And rather than having 3 6yos to look after we'd have had an age range of 2-13yo, which is much harder.

DeWe · 29/03/2014 13:37

And balaboosta does that mean that if I can afford a party for 3 invitees then I can't invite dd2's best friend who is one of 5 then?

In fact I suspect if that was the genuine attitude then probably the more siblings you have the less likely you are to be invited.

NiceTabard · 29/03/2014 13:44

Siblings are not generally invited around here. Fine just to invite the big one IMO.

The only thing would be, as your friend, would you expect her to hang around / chat to you / anything like that? If so then obviously you need to have the little one.

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