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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu to invite the older ds and not the little one?

79 replies

pyjamaramadrama · 29/03/2014 12:11

Ds is having 6th birthday party soon, only 10 kids to keep cost down. Soft play.

My friends ds is only a month apart in age and my ds and her ds have always been friends.

Friend has since has another ds who's almost 2.

I was going to invite her older ds only. but can I really do that? School friends the assumption is no siblings or you pay them in.

But is it different as she's my friend too?

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 29/03/2014 17:00

No, your brothers one year old does not need to be invited either. Honestly.

Original poster
pyjamaramadrama · 29/03/2014 17:04

Hmm well, update, I've just spoke to brother on the phone and mentioned it and not a good idea to do this apparently.

Dsil has apparently fell out with our cousin for doing the same thing, inviting the 6 year old to a 5 year olds party and not the then 9 month old.

And apparently they bring him along to all school parties too as they have two children not one.

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 29/03/2014 17:06

I wouldn't bother inviting either if that was the attitude

Original poster
pyjamaramadrama · 29/03/2014 17:07

Do you mean from me or from db and sil, genuinely don't know now?

OP posts:
Lweji · 29/03/2014 17:07

No, I definitely wouldn't exclude family based on age.

They are unreasonable regarding other parties, though.

Lweji · 29/03/2014 17:09

If you don't invite the 1 year old you'd be basically telling your brother and SIL not to stay at the party. We certainly wouldn't like that in our family.

littlebluedog12 · 29/03/2014 17:11

Really don't understand the problem- just invite the age-appropriate siblings and tell them it's a drop-off party, surely?!

In my experience the only siblings ever at a birthday party (at least this type where you have to pay per child) are the siblings of the birthday child!

I have in the past taken DD2 to drop DD1 at soft play parties, but then paid her in and take her to play away from the party kids.

Original poster
pyjamaramadrama · 29/03/2014 17:11

Well it nearly ended in a row as I just said I'd pick up dniece as it's straight from school, sil doesn't drive and db will be at work so thought it would be easier.

OP posts:
Original poster
pyjamaramadrama · 29/03/2014 17:13

Cross post I knew it would be awkward for them wish I'd never said it now though.

OP posts:
5madthings · 29/03/2014 17:23

Of course it's ok to not invite siblings!

I have five kids I would never expect an invite for younger ones. If I can't get childcare I will try and sort out the invited with a mutual friend who is also invited or I Will ask if I can bring little one and pay myself.

I am generally happy to have siblings along to our parties as long as I know in advance and if it's at a soft play place etc that their parents pay. Extra siblings at at home parties I will cater for. This is because the siblings are often friends with my other children.

elliejjtiny · 29/03/2014 17:26

It's a tricky one. I think with school friends it's fine to not invite siblings but it's a grey area when it's dc of the mum's friends, cousins etc. My 3 DC were all invited to DH's cousin's birthday party at softplay when only DS1 was roughly the birthday boy's age. You might be doing the mum a favour though as I don't have very fond memories of watching all the yummy mummies of the 7 year olds sat chatting on the sofas while I helped my 3 year old get round without being trodden on, getting sweatier and more red faced.

Floggingmolly · 29/03/2014 17:26

Haha!! They bring him along to all parties as they have two children, not one... Hmm
Karma will bite him squarely on the arse one day, when all his dc's friends with 4 or 5 siblings show up to his parties en masse, expecting to be paid for.

5madthings · 29/03/2014 17:29

I can sort of see why with cousins you might, but you can't always. My boys have had laser quest and snow tubing parties... Oddly enough I didn't invite my toddler nephew. I have invited him to a party at home etc.

It's bloody rude to just go along expecting that sibling can!

goldenlula · 29/03/2014 17:41

I had a similar situation as ds1 got older. I have 3 friends with dc the same age as ds1 and then ones the same age as ds2 (2.5 years younger roughly). To begin with all 8 children would meet up to celebrate a birthday but as they got older it became more difficult as that was 8 children out of maybe 12 to be invited so I spoke to them all and explained that it wasn't possible to invite the younger ones all the time so would just invite the older ones to ds1's parties and the younger ones to ds2's parties. they were fine and understood completely, as did I when another friend said it to me. I would explain it is a party for the 6 year olds. As it is a soft play place she can pay for the younger one to play if she wants, that is what I often do, invited child goes to the party, other 2 play while we are there.

Original poster
pyjamaramadrama · 29/03/2014 17:42

After the heated conversation with brother I'm just going to invite baby cousin and toddler ds of friend, definitely not worth falling out over 14 quid and seems to be a grey area.

It is different again with family but I was genuinely just thinking to stick to 10 kids ds mates.

Trouble is there's always one more and one more, I've got loads of cousins with children ds age who've invited ds in the past, but where does it stop when you're trying to keep it small?

OP posts:
Playdoughcaterpillar · 29/03/2014 18:08

Can't you just offer to pay the soft play entrance for the little ones, which would be cheaper if they're not going to be likely to sit down and eat the food?

Original poster
pyjamaramadrama · 29/03/2014 18:30

Apparently not, sil specifically said her ds wasn't allocated a place at the table and wasn't allowed to blow out the candles, she's deleted cousin off Facebook and hasn't spoken to her since.

OP posts:
Original poster
pyjamaramadrama · 29/03/2014 18:32

Apparently they turned up with baby ds in tow, and he wasn't on the list but soft play said they'd let them off this time.

OP posts:
EurotrashGirl · 29/03/2014 19:20

When I was growing up, even the sibling of the birthday boy/girl were very rarely present at birthday parties. It would never have occurred to anyone to invite younger siblings of the birthday child's friends. This thread is making me grateful that I have a small and geographically dispersed family!

CocktailQueen · 29/03/2014 19:26

YANBU! say big ds is invited, small ds is welcome to stay but will have to be paid for. She will understand!

CocktailQueen · 29/03/2014 19:28

Or maybe not... If she thinks 2 kids come as a package, will she expect ds2 to be invited to all ds1's friends' parties at school????

Original poster
pyjamaramadrama · 29/03/2014 19:30

Sorry if I've confused anyone.

I haven't even spoke to my friend yet.

It's my sil that's annoyed that I wasn't going to ask 1 year old cousin, which maybe fair enough.

OP posts:
brokenhearted55a · 29/03/2014 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5madthings · 29/03/2014 20:08

Of course her toddler couldn't blow out the candles, it wasn't his bday! Ffs she sounds a nightmare!

Floggingmolly · 29/03/2014 20:12

She thought the 9 month old should have been allowed to blow out the candles on another child's birthday cake. Shock
Her older child will be lucky to be invited anywhere ever again with a nutter like that for a mother, a God love him Sad

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