Wibu to invite the older ds and not the little one?

[pyjamaramadrama]

Ds is having 6th birthday party soon, only 10 kids to keep cost down. Soft play.

My friends ds is only a month apart in age and my ds and her ds have always been friends.

Friend has since has another ds who's almost 2.

I was going to invite her older ds only. but can I really do that? School friends the assumption is no siblings or you pay them in.

But is it different as she's my friend too?

[MomOfTwoGirls2]

We live about hour drive from most cousins. We do class only parties. Only exception is that dd who is not the birthday girl gets to invite one friend. No cousins or friends of family. Works a treat for us. We don't get invited to cousins birthday parties either...

[wingsandstrings]

I was quite frank about NOT inviting siblings to my DS's last party. I said to everyone "I would have loved to have been able to invite siblings but I'm afraid because we have x entertainment we have had to put a strict limit on numbers. I hope that isn't too inconvenient for you. Thanks for understanding". Everyone seemed absolutely fine with it . . . . at least to my face! No one brought siblings. I had been a bit scarred the year before when we invited 25 to a party (a traditional church hall type party where DH and I did the games) and when everyone sat down for tea I found we had 33 kids due to uninvited siblings. All the parents were like "oh don't worry about setting a place for x uninvited sibling" but it was tea time and those kids were hungry and some were whining and I felt bad so we squeezed everyone up and set extra places. I was peeved, as some food ran out and everyone was really squished.

[FabBakerGirl]

if it was a family party then yes, maybe would have been mean to not invite the baby but she sounds an entitled madam.

My dd was invited to a party of my husband's cousin's child. Only she, not her brothers, and it was not a problem at all. Some people are really entitled and demanding.

[giveadogabonio]

It's fine!

The fact is, that some people go through life looking for reasons to take offence at things that really don't matter at all, in the grand scheme of life.

That's why you get all the hoity toity threads about weddings and the like. Some people enjoy being offended. I say let them enjoy it if that's their choice.

Me, I just couldn't give a flying crap who gets invited to what.

[Floggingmolly]

She thought the 9 month old should have been allowed to blow out the candles on another child's birthday cake.
Her older child will be lucky to be invited anywhere ever again with a nutter like that for a mother, a God love him

[5madthings]

Of course her toddler couldn't blow out the candles, it wasn't his bday! Ffs she sounds a nightmare!

[pyjamaramadrama]

Sorry if I've confused anyone.

I haven't even spoke to my friend yet.

It's my sil that's annoyed that I wasn't going to ask 1 year old cousin, which maybe fair enough.

[CocktailQueen]

Or maybe not... If she thinks 2 kids come as a package, will she expect ds2 to be invited to all ds1's friends' parties at school????

[CocktailQueen]

YANBU! say big ds is invited, small ds is welcome to stay but will have to be paid for. She will understand!

[EurotrashGirl]

When I was growing up, even the sibling of the birthday boy/girl were very rarely present at birthday parties. It would never have occurred to anyone to invite younger siblings of the birthday child's friends. This thread is making me grateful that I have a small and geographically dispersed family!

[pyjamaramadrama]

Apparently they turned up with baby ds in tow, and he wasn't on the list but soft play said they'd let them off this time.

[pyjamaramadrama]

Apparently not, sil specifically said her ds wasn't allocated a place at the table and wasn't allowed to blow out the candles, she's deleted cousin off Facebook and hasn't spoken to her since.

[Playdoughcaterpillar]

Can't you just offer to pay the soft play entrance for the little ones, which would be cheaper if they're not going to be likely to sit down and eat the food?

[pyjamaramadrama]

After the heated conversation with brother I'm just going to invite baby cousin and toddler ds of friend, definitely not worth falling out over 14 quid and seems to be a grey area.

It is different again with family but I was genuinely just thinking to stick to 10 kids ds mates.

Trouble is there's always one more and one more, I've got loads of cousins with children ds age who've invited ds in the past, but where does it stop when you're trying to keep it small?

[goldenlula]

I had a similar situation as ds1 got older. I have 3 friends with dc the same age as ds1 and then ones the same age as ds2 (2.5 years younger roughly). To begin with all 8 children would meet up to celebrate a birthday but as they got older it became more difficult as that was 8 children out of maybe 12 to be invited so I spoke to them all and explained that it wasn't possible to invite the younger ones all the time so would just invite the older ones to ds1's parties and the younger ones to ds2's parties. they were fine and understood completely, as did I when another friend said it to me. I would explain it is a party for the 6 year olds. As it is a soft play place she can pay for the younger one to play if she wants, that is what I often do, invited child goes to the party, other 2 play while we are there.

[5madthings]

I can sort of see why with cousins you might, but you can't always. My boys have had laser quest and snow tubing parties... Oddly enough I didn't invite my toddler nephew. I have invited him to a party at home etc.

It's bloody rude to just go along expecting that sibling can!

[Floggingmolly]

Haha!! They bring him along to all parties as they have two children, not one...
Karma will bite him squarely on the arse one day, when all his dc's friends with 4 or 5 siblings show up to his parties en masse, expecting to be paid for.

[elliejjtiny]

It's a tricky one. I think with school friends it's fine to not invite siblings but it's a grey area when it's dc of the mum's friends, cousins etc. My 3 DC were all invited to DH's cousin's birthday party at softplay when only DS1 was roughly the birthday boy's age. You might be doing the mum a favour though as I don't have very fond memories of watching all the yummy mummies of the 7 year olds sat chatting on the sofas while I helped my 3 year old get round without being trodden on, getting sweatier and more red faced.

[5madthings]

Of course it's ok to not invite siblings!

I have five kids I would never expect an invite for younger ones. If I can't get childcare I will try and sort out the invited with a mutual friend who is also invited or I Will ask if I can bring little one and pay myself.

I am generally happy to have siblings along to our parties as long as I know in advance and if it's at a soft play place etc that their parents pay. Extra siblings at at home parties I will cater for. This is because the siblings are often friends with my other children.

[pyjamaramadrama]

Cross post I knew it would be awkward for them wish I'd never said it now though.

[pyjamaramadrama]

Well it nearly ended in a row as I just said I'd pick up dniece as it's straight from school, sil doesn't drive and db will be at work so thought it would be easier.

[littlebluedog12]

Really don't understand the problem- just invite the age-appropriate siblings and tell them it's a drop-off party, surely?!

In my experience the only siblings ever at a birthday party (at least this type where you have to pay per child) are the siblings of the birthday child!

I have in the past taken DD2 to drop DD1 at soft play parties, but then paid her in and take her to play away from the party kids.

[Lweji]

If you don't invite the 1 year old you'd be basically telling your brother and SIL not to stay at the party. We certainly wouldn't like that in our family.

[Lweji]

No, I definitely wouldn't exclude family based on age.

They are unreasonable regarding other parties, though.