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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about this?

96 replies

Emilizz · 28/03/2014 22:52

My dd has a group of friends who tend to socialise around each others houses.

Over the last 3 years they have frequently spent a Friday or Saturday evening st our house and I always give them either home cooked food or a treat like Dominos.

Tonight my dd was invited to a party at one of her friends. Apparrently they ordered pizza and asked for a £3 contribution from each person. My dd and most of the girls didn't have any money with her so the mum said they could give
It to the girl in school on Monday.

Have to say I was a bit :-o

OP posts:
VampyreofTimeandMemory · 28/03/2014 22:54

how miserly!

Original poster
Emilizz · 28/03/2014 22:54

Apologies for any typos as posting from my phone which has a mind of its own!!

OP posts:
PomBearWithAnOFRS · 28/03/2014 22:54

Maybe she just doesn't have to money to supply x amount of hungry teens with Dominoes. You do, and your DD is lucky, but not everyone has the cash to spare.

Pipbin · 28/03/2014 22:57

If it was just a group of girls hanging out then I can see why they asked for the money. Pizza isn't cheap and not everyone can afford it. However, this was a party and therefore this was part of the party surely?

Original poster
Emilizz · 28/03/2014 22:58

It was a birthday party for the dd.

OP posts:
pictish · 28/03/2014 22:59

It does seem miserly, but pombear may be right.
Ordering pizza for four teens (assuming they are teens) is costly. I would avoid it myself, as I see that as a big expense.

So yeahbutno.

pictish · 28/03/2014 23:00

Oh a birthday party!
Oh...well in that case give them a good hard Hmm

AgentZigzag · 28/03/2014 23:02

Agree with PomB, you have to see offering to buy them all pizza as separate to what your DD is offered, you can't expect her to be bought one back.

It does seem unfair on the face of it, but it's not her friends Mums 'fault' you can shell out for them, she didn't ask or expect you to.

How old are the girls? Old enough to work their fingers to the bone to earn their own pizza money? Wink

Original poster
Emilizz · 28/03/2014 23:03

Not to dripfeed but my dh drove miles out of his way to give the friend a lift home from a concert the other night!!

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 28/03/2014 23:04

It's a bit cheeky asking for cash without warning at a birthday party.

Deckmyballs · 28/03/2014 23:05

How miserable is that! Yanbu

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 28/03/2014 23:07

What do you want OP, a medal? Did she hold a gun to his head and make him drive her, or did he offer?
She either has the money or she hasn't, and either way, if you wanted "recompense" for the pizza you fed her, then bloody well say so at the time and give her chance to say "no thank you I don't want any pizza" for whatever reason.
You can't go in a strop because they didn't give your DD a poxy slice of pizza and get all irate about it when you have no idea of the actual full circumstances.
They might cry themselves to sleep at night wondering how to pay this months mortgage, or be living on 11p noodles and cabbage stalks for all you know...

Caitlin17 · 28/03/2014 23:07

Depends if it was really a party or just a group of them hanging out at one of the group's house. Not everyone is going to be able to fund pizza for the group.

SergeantJarhead · 28/03/2014 23:10

YANBU Op.

AgentZigzag · 28/03/2014 23:12

I don't disagree with you PomB, if you give something you have to try and give it without expecting anything in return (easier to say than do sometimes of course), but if they were that skint (mmm, 11p noodles and cabbage stalks, my favorite) they shouldn't have had a birthday party, or should have warned the girls that they would need cash if they wanted to eat.

Maybe the mum didn't plan on them having pizza but got mithered into supplying?

AgentZigzag · 28/03/2014 23:13

How old are they OP?

Original poster
Emilizz · 28/03/2014 23:17

PomBear, no need to be so agressive.
The mum asked for the lift.

Seems a bit cheeky to invite people to a party and ask them to pay for the takeaway or at least tell them re the cost in advance. If people cant afford a party then they shouldnt have one. Or at least buy a few supermarket pizzas and bags of crisps from Aldi etc.

OP posts:
Caitlin17 · 28/03/2014 23:20

You know whatever the mother's thinking I don't think it would have occurred to me to do anything other than give my daughter the £3. And then forgotten all about it.

WooWooOwl · 28/03/2014 23:23

YANBU. It's rude to invite people to dinner and then expect them to pay, especially when it's for a birthday celebration.

PortofinoRevisited · 28/03/2014 23:27

A party is a party and a sleepover is a sleepover. Of course you feed you guests for the duration that you have them. If dd has a friend staying over then they get lunch/dinner/breakfast/lunch according to drop off/pick up times. I would never dream of billing the other parents. If there is a fiancial concern, well you just don't do it.

AgentZigzag · 28/03/2014 23:28

But did the OPs DDs friends Mum (not even going to try to put apostrophes in that Grin) owe her DD the pizza because of what she'd bought them all as a group WooWoo?

Regardless of how it came about that they ordered the pizza at the party.

Piscivorous · 28/03/2014 23:31

There are always some parents who contribute less to their children and their friends. Over the years as mine grew up I sometimes felt frustrated as my house was always full and my fridge and purse empty but now they are adults I can see how much it was worth it as I still have a close relationship with them and their friends, we all have loads of shared memories and it was worth every penny.

It is their loss

WooWooOwl · 28/03/2014 23:34

No, she didn't. But I'd assume the OP mentioned that she provides pizza sometimes to make the point that she wasn't freeloading from this family and has fed their daughter before too, so it's swings and roundabouts. Not one family trying to be grabby with another families pizza.

It also makes the point that the mother that did this will be aware that she has never paid for her dd to be fed at other people's houses, so why should she expect this to be the done thing when she hosts?

If she couldn't afford takeaway pizza, she could have bought supermarket pizza. Or not extended an invitation. Or she could have made the invitation for after dinner so the girls would have eaten and just given them a drink and a cheap ice cream or something.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 28/03/2014 23:35

Ah right, so your gripe is the asking for the money, not that you had already fed her DD and given her a lift home so you felt somehow owed something in return.
Why not phone the mother and say this to her then. Tell her you will not be handing over £3 because you gave her daughter pizza and a lift, and have done with it.
And suggest that maybe next time she goes to Aldi before her daughter invites friends over on any occasion, to avoid you feeling irked by being asked to pay for takeaway, and remind her that when she invites people round, she is obliged to fork out and feed them expensive food, to the value of any food or lifts her family might have had from the invitees any time in the past.
I know! buy her an account book and write it all down, to help the poor benighted soul keep track so that she doesn't commit another faux pas of allowing her daughter to invite friends round, but when they come and her daughter is begging to be allowed to order pizza to "keep up with the Joneses" so her friends will still like her, she hasn't enough money to buy it for them... that should do it. Think how good you'll feel when you come back and tell us all about it afterwards Hmm

Peniston · 28/03/2014 23:36

YA so NBU.