To be annoyed about this?

[Emilizz]

My dd has a group of friends who tend to socialise around each others houses.

Over the last 3 years they have frequently spent a Friday or Saturday evening st our house and I always give them either home cooked food or a treat like Dominos.

Tonight my dd was invited to a party at one of her friends. Apparrently they ordered pizza and asked for a £3 contribution from each person. My dd and most of the girls didn't have any money with her so the mum said they could give
It to the girl in school on Monday.

Have to say I was a bit :-o

Emilizz it really sounds like a breakdown in communication; I don't think its a bad thing that everyone contributes but I understand that that wasn't what you and the rest of the mums understood to be happening. I like Piscivorous's post, put it down to experience, it went well. Regardless, you will have lots of happy memories of what you did for your dd and that's what's important. They grow up very very quickly (sorry for being sentimental!) x

wiggles and takestwosheets I can't imagine mine went out without a bit more than £3 when he was 15 and that was 9 years ago.

Like you I feel very sorry for the birthday girl who either has a parent who is mean or skint.

Like wiggles I think I'd be surprised if this happened if my son were even to mention it beyond maybe a "oh I'm a bit short, had to pay for pizza" to which response would be " try the loose change box in the hall"

I've never understood the expression "cat's bum face" which gets used on here a lot but I get it now. There's a lot on display here.

lol, Caitlin, I haven't been on mn for ages and haven't heard 'cat's mum face' for a long time, it made me laugh. Sorry for hijacking! x

YANBU. People have different values. This mum thinks it's perfectly reasonable to ask for a quid each. Show them kindness. Some people are mean with money but generous with time and love. Life's too short.

Fuck sake Pom are you the other mother?? Chill out!

I too think it's quite odd that the mother held a party for her DD but expected everyone to chip in. Surely if you are skint then you just don't hold a party in the first place? I think you've been given a really unfair hard time on this thread, OP.

My 9 year old DD was invited to a cinema party last year. It was cinema followed by macdonalds. When we got to the cinema to drop the kids off the mum sprung it on us that we'd all have to pay for our children to see the film, AND leave money with the mum for the food afterwards! Of course, we all paid up, but I was quite annoyed as DD was given a proper invitation, I'd spent £15 on a present, and there had been no indication that we'd have to pay for our children to attend.

The mum is the type who spoils her daughter and doesn't want her to miss out, so clearly decided to have a party even though she couldn't afford it and then just expect everyone else to pick up the tab. Cheeky!

Agree tbat 15 and 16 year olds should not be out without any money. Surely it's basic personal safety to have at least a fiver on you at all times?

Sounds pretty odd to me.

Why do 15-16 year olds need money on them at all times? I cant think why they would need it, I dont know any 15 year olds that dont have a mobile glued to their hands that they could use in case of an emergency

Moomin I don't suppose they absolutely need it but I'm pretty certain by that age my son wouldn't have been out with no money. And for girls there is always the possibility of unexpected periods/emergency tampons/emergency new knickers. Maybe that never happened to you but certainly did for me as a teenager and an adult woman.

Maybe my teen is the only one who spent his pocket money almost as soon as he got it

Moominyoni would you go out without money on you if you weren't planning on buying anything? I wouldn't.

Yes I go out without money all the time, or my card. Although that is irrelevant as im an adult and have more money than most teenagers id think.

I bet lots go out without money because they've spent their pocket money or if their parents can't afford to give them much

Well my dd (and me) have friends that genuinely can't afford anything much and I'd certainly not want those children to never be able to host because of lack of cash

I'm happy to contribute to the costs of any events hosted by friends who I know may be struggling a bit. Because our friends know this it means these girls can be just as social as my daughter is. I really can't see the problem? I don't think many people commenting know what it's like to truly be on your arse for money. We used to be in the early days and it's made me more mindful of others circumstances today now we are lucky enough to be comfortable.

Joysmum that is a very thoughtful and kind post.

If the family are struggling financially then they should have considered that other families might be in the same situation and not sprung an unexpected expense on them by inviting their children round without warning them they'd have to pay for takeaway. Also if someone is struggling financially they don't order from Dominoes (I know I don't!), it's overpriced. They were BU to order an overpriced takeaway and expect the other parents to pay with no prior discussion.

15/16's have mummy organised parties?

When did this phenomenon occur?

In my world child says something like "I'm having a few friends round for my birthday", I say "fine". This is the end of my involvement. I presume in order to get a night-pass from parents, the invitees might pass this off as an organised party and that Little Jimmys mum says I can stay.

At no point would I be organising pass the parcel, jelly and ice cream or funding pizza for a glorified sleep over.

You'd let your 15 year old fund their own party, contrary?

You wouldn't do anything to celebrate your 15/16 year old's birthday HowContraryMary? I understand that they might want a bit less parental involvement, obviously you're not going to be handing out party bags and playing pass the parcel but teenagers are still living at home and on a limited budget so it seems a bit sad not to do anything, even order a takeaway as a treat. Would you do something as a family seperate from the celebration with their friends?