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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about this?

96 replies

Emilizz · 28/03/2014 22:52

My dd has a group of friends who tend to socialise around each others houses.

Over the last 3 years they have frequently spent a Friday or Saturday evening st our house and I always give them either home cooked food or a treat like Dominos.

Tonight my dd was invited to a party at one of her friends. Apparrently they ordered pizza and asked for a £3 contribution from each person. My dd and most of the girls didn't have any money with her so the mum said they could give
It to the girl in school on Monday.

Have to say I was a bit :-o

OP posts:
rookiemater · 29/03/2014 09:45

Oops strike outs didn't work there Blush

Rexandralpf · 29/03/2014 09:53

Pom bear if they were really skint they could have simply bought lots of basic tesco range pizzas for the kids. Cheep and cheerful.

Usually a birthday gift is given in exchange for party/food.

Rexandralpf · 29/03/2014 10:00

I think I'd probably wait to be reminded by DD's friend before handing over 3 pounds

Whathaveiforgottentoday · 29/03/2014 10:04

I think its rude and if she really couldn't afford it should have gone to lidl/aldi's and brought pizza's in rather than a takeaway. If you are invited to somebodies house I would not expect to pay.

However I would pay if staying over at others and we decided to have takeaway on the spur of the moment.

wigglesrock · 29/03/2014 10:08

Sorry again, can I ask how old the kids are? If they're around 15 - do you actually do birthday parties any more? & would a child that age go out without any money at all, or do they still bother their parents with stuff like this? I only guessed 15 because the OP mentioned the concert & that they had been hanging about in each others houses for the past three or so years.

If they're out of primary school - and want to share a Dominos then I don't think there's anything strange in them chipping in for it.

AnnieOats · 29/03/2014 10:14

YANBU as it would annoy me having to pay twice, ie when they're at your house and then when they go to someone else's house.

As others have said if she couldn't afford the pizza then do something cheaper. I'd give her the money as it would just make you look petty if you didn't but let the mother know that in future she needs to let you know beforehand if your DD is expected to bring a contribution for food.

Ledkr · 29/03/2014 10:29

Poor child.
My dh had miserly parents and cringes at a birthday party that they were served sandwiches when they were expecting KFC they weren't poor just tight arsed.

EverythingCounts · 29/03/2014 10:36

But deciding to share a Dominos when you're all round someone's house is different to it being a party. And as others have said, get the party food more cheaply when money is tight. Morrisons own pizzas are two for 4 and the value ones are cheaper still.

EverythingCounts · 29/03/2014 10:39

In my experience the most misery people are often not badly off at all, just mean. Genuinely hard up people are very conscious of it and don't want others to feel they are looking for a free ride, mostly - they are the ones serving budget pizza.

Caitlin17 · 29/03/2014 10:41

For goodness sake it's only £3. We don't have enough information on whether the mother who asked is just mean or very hard up. If it's the latter then all of you who are criticising and saying she shouldn't have had the other girls over if she couldn't afford are sounding extremely mean yourselves.

The incident isn't even worth mentioning let alone making a fuss about.

rookiemater · 29/03/2014 10:46

Caitlin17 - if she's hard up then she just goes for a cheaper option. I had promised DS and his pal a Dominoes the other night and was a bit shocked by the prices - particularly as I don't rate their pizzas at all.

I happened to have a Tesco pizza in the fridge, boys were perfectly happy to eat that instead, total cost to me something like £1.50 plus the electricity to heat it up.

RedFocus · 29/03/2014 10:54

It's a party FFS you don't ask money from your guests for a party! If they were just hanging out then yes you split the cost but not for a party. How bloody rude! Hope your dd didn't give the birthday girl a present too! Wink

Original poster
Emilizz · 29/03/2014 13:50

Thanks for all the replies. The girls are aged between 15-16.
The mum specifically invited them to a birthday party for her dd. It wasnt a casual meet up arranged by the girls.

Anyway it seems that all the other parents are equally astonished.
DD will pay the money on monday and thats the end of the matter as far as I'm concerned

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/03/2014 13:57

Anyway it seems that all the other parents are equally astonished.
Oh... have you all been having a chat about this then, OP? If you did then bloody hell... how utterly charmless you all sound.

Caitlin17 · 29/03/2014 14:01

Lyingwitch agreed. That makes any initial meanness (if there was) pale into nothing.

wigglesrock · 29/03/2014 14:09

They're 15-16 Shock Christ, I'd like to think they'd buy their own bloody pizza.

rookiemater · 29/03/2014 14:34

Wigglesrock - what should they buy the pizza with - they are young teens, unlikely to have weekend jobs - do teens even have those any more?

Remember this is meant to be a birthday party. I'd be fairly outraged as an adult if someone who I had extended hospitality to before, invited me round for dinner then expected me to pay for my share. Fair enough, if it was a takeaway I'd probably offer, but I'd secretly be a bit surprised if they took me up on it.

pictish · 29/03/2014 14:37

Buy their own pizza at 15-16? With what? Monopoly money?

wigglesrock · 29/03/2014 14:45

Pocket money? Same thing they buy magazines, make up, clothes, hairstuff, books etc with. I just can't fathom a 15 or 16 year old going out without any money at all - what if they nipped to the shop etc? I'm not too sure I'd be impressed with my 16 year old coming home complaining that they had to throw £3 in to buy a pizza. Surely a 15 or 16 year old can sort it out without their mum discussing it with other parents?

pictish · 29/03/2014 14:47

You can't fathom a 15-16 year old attending a birthday party they have been invited to, not taking their pocket money along in order to pay for their food?
What?

GiveTwoSheets · 29/03/2014 14:51

Think I'd be embarrassed for the poor birthday girl I know my teen would never speak to me if I did that but I give her the £3 to take in Monday regardless of very strange arrangement. Whenever my daughter has gone for sleepovers even birthday ones they always take snacks and junk food with them

wigglesrock · 29/03/2014 14:52

No, I can't imagine a 15 or 16 year going out without taking any money at all. What if they decided to go out somewhere else?, how where they getting home? I just find it weird, evidently just me Smile . My 8 year old brings some of her pocket money with her when she calls round to her friends house incase they go to the shop.

Floggingmolly · 29/03/2014 14:57

It doesn't matter if the mum is having financial difficulties Hmm
If you can't afford to provide food for your daughter's birthday party, you don't invite her friends round anyway, order pizza, and demand they have a whip round amongst themselves to pay for it.
You just don't.

blanchedeveraux · 29/03/2014 14:59

Not sure why some posters are giving you such a hard time. I'd be annoyed about it as well, it sounds really petty and tight to me. You get people like this unfortunately. I remember a hen night years ago when we shared a taxi home. I handed over a tenner as my share and got a call next day from self appointed "group leader" that I still owed her £2 for the taxi. I was irritated as I had bought her several drinks throughout the night and never had one bought back. I taped two pound coins to a piece of paper and shoved it in an envelope and posted it to her.

Also don't understand why people are giving you a hard time about discussing it with the other parents to get their views on the situation, it seems perfectly natural to me.

daisydoo222 · 29/03/2014 15:01

If it was a birthday get together then I would have thought Mum would have put on some food.

But I'm pretty sure when I was 15-16 my mum or my friends mums weren't buying us take aways and I distinctly remember me and my friends ordering take aways and paying for them ourselves, but that was in the days when kids had paper rounds or saturday jobs from being about 12, not handed everything on a plate like they are these days.

Maybe Mum had already got them food in that they weren't happy with so they decided they wanted pizza? so she said they'd have to pay for it?

Some people just aren't in a position to pay for luxuries like take aways, you can't assume that they can and you can't expect it. It's a lovely treat if they can and I'm sure that if they could they would have.

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