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AIBU?

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Original poster

About Ds Teacher wanting to call him something else ?

415 replies

CrazyHhas5kitties · 28/03/2014 16:49

So Ds 5 has come home from school a little bit upset & after asking bribing him to tell me what's wrong I'm unsure how to deal/react to it .

Right so for the sake of keeping my anonimity (sp) I have changed the names .

So Ds is called Tom & has a class mate called Thomas from what I can gather Thomas' mum has told their Teacher that Thomas must now be called Tom so the Teacher has told Ds that he must be called Thomas so everybody doesn't get confused Hmm

Ds said 'but that's not my name' but apparently that's how it has to be Hmm because everybody can't be confused by two children with the same name , even though Tom is what's on my Ds birth certificate not Thomas

So if I haven't lost/confused you all what should I do about this ?

I will be seeing the Teacher Monday so I will say something I'm just unsure of what to say

OP posts:
SanityClause · 29/03/2014 13:51

In one year there were 6 of us with the same name. Not the actual same given name, but the same shortened version, e.g. Caitlin, Catherine and Katrina could all be shortened to Kate.

It was in senior school, so usually we would know who was being referred to, or our surname would be used. Sometimes we would all sit together, to confuse the teacher.

Original poster
CrazyHhas5kitties · 29/03/2014 14:02

This Teacher has seen Ds birth certificate so knows what his given name is .
I honestly don't know what response I will get as I'm the black sheep out of all the parents iyswim

I certainly won't put up with it though Angry

Also the poster (sorry can't name check) who said that 'Did they call their Ds Thomas with the intention of calling him Tom'
That's what I first thought then I realised she has only been doing it since December at the school play as she kept shouting 'Tom' & her Ds was ignoring her & my Ds was responding .
Like I said they have been in the same class as each other for 2 years Smile

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 29/03/2014 14:10

Crazy

Why wouldn't you say something?

All your doing is making sure that the teacher calls your son by his name.

I suspect that the teacher will just say fair enough and move on.

phantomnamechanger · 29/03/2014 14:10

why are you calling yourself the black sheep? do you feel you are generally treated unfavourably for some reason? are you known as "one of those mums who's always making a fuss"? have there been other "incidents"? Do you think they ignore your concerns?

EVEN IF THERE HAVE been past issues - you are 100% correct on this one, and as long as you don't go in swearing and shouting, the only reasonable thing she can do is apologise and back down. Up to her to sort out with other mum what to call her kid, thats not your problem.

squoosh · 29/03/2014 14:56

All very peculiar.

Have the politest of polite chats with the teacher and tell them that Tom is your son's name and Tom he'll remain. And then give a big bright smile indicating that that will be the last word on the matter.

If there are any further movements on the part of the teacher to re-name your child I would then get a bit sterner.

ShinyTurd · 29/03/2014 15:04

I'm Shock at this. PFB I bet?? It's no different from announcing he's going to be calling your son Dave.

ADishBestEatenCold · 29/03/2014 15:15

"I honestly don't know what response I will get"

and this is the worst of having to wait until Monday, when a child tells you of an issue on a Friday, that has been raised during school hours. It gives you the entire weekend during which your mind can blow things out of proportion! Smile

This is 'Mother's Day' weekend, CrazyH. Shove this issue on the back burner until Monday (I promise we'll wait albeit a bit impatiently till then). Don't let this annoy you and disturb your lovely weekend.

I think others are right in saying teacher hasn't given this much proper thought and, happy to be corrected, will just say something like 'oh I'm sorry, yes, of course' and move on.

As to the other child's mother, who actually gives a stuff if she wants to make a song and dance of it. (Though I'll definitely want to hear about it if she does make a song and dance of it Grin ).

Have a lovely Mother's Day!

diddl · 29/03/2014 15:31

"I honestly don't know what response I will get as I'm the black sheep out of all the parents iyswim"

There is only one response.

"Of course he will still be called Tom"

Doesn't really matter if you are the "black sheep" -that shouldn't mean that your child is treated differently.

justmyview · 29/03/2014 15:35

Hairdressers do this, so that if you phone and ask for an appointment with "Louise" they know who to allocate you to.

Daft in a school

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 29/03/2014 15:43

Does the other mother make lemon drizzle cake at cake sales?

Runningtrainers · 29/03/2014 15:45

I think this is awful! Please speak to his teacher.

daisydoo222 · 29/03/2014 15:51

I think his teacher and the other Mum probably don't realise that your son doesn't have 'Thomas' on his birth certificate so them it probably seems perfectly reasonable.

I'm sure as soon as you point out that his name is actually 'Tom' then they will apologise for the misunderstanding and revert back to that.

Why can't the teacher just refer to them by their full names eg 'Tom Smith' and 'Tom Jones'

Last year there were two other boys with the same name as my son in his class and the teacher just always used their surnames. To the point where even when my DS would have a friend round to play they would call him by his full name. Eg 'Luke White can I play with that?'

At least it was what was on his actual birth certificate!

diddl · 29/03/2014 16:03

It doesn't matter what he has on his birth certificate!

He wants to be known as Tom!

zipzap · 29/03/2014 16:07

DS1 was one of 3 with his name in his year at infant school. There were also a couple of others with the same name which only differed from ds1's name by one letter and another who had yet another variant that sounded like ds1's name being said badly and again was different by just a letter. They all managed with no problems. This year at junior school he is in a much bigger school and there is only one other of his name in the entire school, and he's in a different year. A friend has a dc with a very rare name, very few in the entire country that year - and then met one of the very few others at one of her baby groups. The probability of it happening was tiny - and yet it did and it's never caused any problems that I heard about. No matter the size of the class or group, or the rarity of the name, there's no guaranteed way to be the only one of a particular name in a group!

It reminds of of when I used to work with a guy whose had 2 staff reporting to him - both had the same name, the same middle initial and the same job title.

People would ask for Tom Jones, so you'd say which on,
-then they'd say Tom A Jones so you'd ask which one,

  • and they'd say the one that works for Mr W, so you'd say which one
    • and they'd say the project manager, so you'd say which one by which time they'd be getting very frustrated and think you were pulling their leg because they couldn't believe that there could be so many co-incidences Grin

One was slightly taller than the other but neither was particularly tall or short so calling them tall or short Tom only really worked if somebody knew about both of them and their relative heights.

Both of them occasionally would have a beard or goatee or moustache but not reliably so, which could be more confusing as Tom with a beard this week could be different from Tom with a beard last month. They used to find it funny and had fun with it which is a much better way to deal with it, I think.

Both of them got very used to getting email meant for the other one and forwarding it on. Occasionally caused problems but they could also work it to their advantage Grin

Delphiniumsblue · 29/03/2014 16:13

It may be your DS's interpretation of what the teacher said and not what he actually said. I would just go in and say that there seems to be a misunderstanding over names, your DS is Tom and he simply isn't called Thomas.
Any argument just say that you really couldn't care how many Toms there are, your DS is Tom.

BoneyBackJefferson · 29/03/2014 16:21

diddl
"It doesn't matter what he has on his birth certificate!

He wants to be known as Tom!"

Had that with a child who wanted to be known as a different name to the one on his birth certificate. Confused the hell out of the parents when it came to parents evenings and reports.
(It was fairly common with children from a specific culture that when they moved to England they were asked what they wanted to be called and they would give a common English name to try and fit in)

ADishBestEatenCold · 29/03/2014 16:41

"Hairdressers do this, so that if you phone and ask for an appointment with "Louise" they know who to allocate you to"

I did not know that.

Do they have to pick a new name or are they allocated one? How strange.

daisydoo222 · 29/03/2014 16:47

I have had different names at work over the years as I have worked in call centres and there's been other people with my name.
Quite a lot of places do it

LadyPenelopeCreightonWard · 29/03/2014 17:24

I have friends "Tom" and "Thom with the H". And I know far too many Alexes, so they're called things like "short/tall/beardy/Welsh/female/married to Phoebe Alex".

I had another girl with the same name and final initial as me at school, we always coped, it just meant we put our middle initial as well as our surname initial on things.

I'm sure a quick word with the teacher will sort it out Smile

And to all the teachers who think Ben must be Benjamin, the one I know best is actually a Benedict.

diddl · 29/03/2014 17:37

"Had that with a child who wanted to be known as a different name to the one on his birth certificate."

Although in this case OPs son has always been known as Tom, so his BC isn't really an issue iyswim.

It's not an issue that the other boy wants to be known as Tom.

The issue is that Ops son can't be called Tom anymore-if that is the case of course.

Although even if it was only suggested that he might like to be Thomas that is wrong.

There's no need for that at all.

There's no reason why they can't both be Tom!

BoneyBackJefferson · 29/03/2014 19:03

diddl
I honestly don't disagree with what you and others have posted.

I have found the best way to sort this out is to call them the same name that is on the register and that's appears to be the problem, in that the OP's son wants to be called his actual name and the other child wants to be called a shortened version of the name.

Personally if this had happened to me ,as a teacher, I would have done as suggested on here.

In one case I just put the pupils on the opposite sides of the classroom and made sure that I was looking at the one that I was talking too. If I were calling out to them to stop doing something that they weren't supposed to I would use their last name as well.

It really is not a big issue for the teacher.

Original poster
CrazyHhas5kitties · 29/03/2014 19:54

I'm seen as The 'Black Sheep' as I'm quite a lot younger than the rest of the parents so none of them bother with me thank god

OP posts:
justmyview · 30/03/2014 15:24

*"Hairdressers do this, so that if you phone and ask for an appointment with "Louise" they know who to allocate you to"

I did not know that.

Do they have to pick a new name or are they allocated one? How strange.*

ADishBestEatenCold - at the salon I go to, they choose their own nickname, if someone already works there.

ADishBestEatenCold · 30/03/2014 15:35

That might be fun!

justmyview · 30/03/2014 15:51

ADishBestEatenCold - I think some of them take the opportunity to choose a more glamorous name eg Jane became India. However, I don't know what happens if the original Jane leaves. I guess "India" has to stay as India. Confusing if someone called India comes to work there ......