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AIBU?

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Original poster

About Ds Teacher wanting to call him something else ?

415 replies

CrazyHhas5kitties · 28/03/2014 16:49

So Ds 5 has come home from school a little bit upset & after asking bribing him to tell me what's wrong I'm unsure how to deal/react to it .

Right so for the sake of keeping my anonimity (sp) I have changed the names .

So Ds is called Tom & has a class mate called Thomas from what I can gather Thomas' mum has told their Teacher that Thomas must now be called Tom so the Teacher has told Ds that he must be called Thomas so everybody doesn't get confused Hmm

Ds said 'but that's not my name' but apparently that's how it has to be Hmm because everybody can't be confused by two children with the same name , even though Tom is what's on my Ds birth certificate not Thomas

So if I haven't lost/confused you all what should I do about this ?

I will be seeing the Teacher Monday so I will say something I'm just unsure of what to say

OP posts:
AntoinetteCosway · 29/03/2014 10:24

The other mother sounds very precious and the teacher's response is bizarre! My best friend at school had the same name as me. We ended up being called by nickname versions of our surnames. We still call each other by those names even though we're both married now!

ArtisanScotchEgg · 29/03/2014 10:36

Is this ever taken into consideration when sorting out classes for two (or three) entry reception classes?

I know sometimes They keep siblings in the same stream, and get a mix of ages/known SN - but does anyone look at a class with four Olivers, two Pollys, a Molly, and a Dolly; with the other class having 5 Isobel/Isabel/Isabella/Ysabella/Isobelles and 3 Thomas/Toms and just think "nah, I'm going to move a few of those around" ?

One year at secondary I did not have a chair or desk in one class as the whoever set the year couldn't believe there would be two people with the same initial and last name so had deleted one from the register and added the next person down to the top set. I got there second on the first lesson of term, the other girl with the similar name got the chair. At least in that class I was allowed to stay in that top set - in PE I just got added to the bottom of the year's register Hmm

TheNumberfaker · 29/03/2014 10:42

Your son has AS so seems fair to me that he should keep being Tom and the other boy (not the mother) should have the choice of Thomas or Tom A, B, C etc.

diddl · 29/03/2014 10:48

Ops son should keep being Tom as that is his name & what he wants to be called!

Pipbin · 29/03/2014 10:50

We have thought about that when organising classes last year. Where possible we put children with the same name in different classes.

What I find funny is when I child is known by their full name to differentiate them from a class mate and it sticks, even when the other child has left. So you end up saying things like 'Tom, Jamie, Ella, Ben Smith and Archie, can you work as a group please', even when there is no other Ben in the class.
I teach two boys with the same name and they are known as big and little Tim. (Names changed). The funny thing is that little Tim has a twin who now calls him little Tim.

FourArms · 29/03/2014 11:06

I (secondary teacher) quite often use surnames instead. I've got a class with 2 Ben's and a Benjamin, so I call one of the Ben's 'Mr Surname' instead :)

BoneyBackJefferson · 29/03/2014 11:15

DisgraceToTheYChromosome
"Youngest DB has always been known by his second name. From birth.

He gets to reception and is addressed by his first name, which he has never heard. There is a bit of a kerfuffle. He runs out of school sobbing. DM pitches up and the teacher runs out of school sobbing. DM makes us chips and lemon meringue pie for tea, in celebtation of victorious slaughter."

So even when the teacher isn't wrong and they are made to cry it is a victory!

Some people are just nasty.

MrsSteptoe · 29/03/2014 11:25

There are two boys in my DS's class with his name, let's say "Dave", and they are known as Dave S and Dave K (i.e. differentiated by use of their surname initials).

DS has entirely internalised this policy, and every birthday and Mother's Day, I get a card duly signed Dave S.

Teacher's an idiot, btw.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 29/03/2014 11:28

Ds1 does the same, MrsSteptoe!

Dwinhofficoffi · 29/03/2014 11:36

In the class I work with we have 3 children with the same name and 3 children with a different name that is also the same IYSWIM.. We manage just fine!

ShadowFall · 29/03/2014 11:49

YANBU.

The teacher shouldn't be "allocating" names and nn's just because both boys want to be called Tom - especially not when yours has Tom on his birth certificate. I think that children should have a right to be called by whatever version of their name they want to be called.

FWIW, DS1 is one of 3 boys with the same name in his nursery room. Different name, but to stick with the Tom theme - DS1 is known as Tom F, and the others are Tom H and Tom B. There's been no talk of renaming one Thomas and one Tommy just to make things easier for the nursery staff.

I hope your talk with the teacher on Monday goes well.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/03/2014 12:17

CrazyH - what other loonery has the mum gone in for? Just the name thing is pretty batshit, so I am hoping for some really good crazy!

ebwy · 29/03/2014 12:56

well I would say this will out me but sod it, I use the same nick everywhere so I'm as out as can be anyway.

my eldest is named Arwyn. it's a normal Welsh name.
unfortunately, his English nursery teacher can't (or won't) pronounce it. Arr-win. It's not difficult. Just pretend you're a pirate stereotype when you get to the R! so she (and therefore all the nursery children and anyone connected with the school) completely drop the R out of his name. He's started to say it the way they all do now which is starting to pee me off- her lack of effort to try means he thinks his name is different to what it actually is.

manchestermummy · 29/03/2014 13:09

I was one of six of my name at one point in my school career. I was born in the '70s; you can probably guess what. There was even one with the same surname initial as me. Yet, staggeringly, we all managed.

We have a new big boss who shares my name but spells it differently (think Clare/Claire). People have taken to spelling my name the same as hers: the boss and therefore correct?! Now that I am finding irritating. Especially as I was there first!

phantomnamechanger · 29/03/2014 13:22

This reminds me, DH tells a funny story - back in the day when the boys at his school were known by surnames only - a new master walked onto the stage to take assembly and bellowed "you boy, what's your name" at some unfortunate who he spotted whispering.

Poor chap's surname was Tibbles. So he whispers it first and the teacher says "louder boy!" and the lad goes (louder) "Tibbles, sir" and the whole hall erupted in giggles and the teacher almost had a fit!

sorry for hijack! apologies to any Tibbles families on here!

Original poster
CrazyHhas5kitties · 29/03/2014 13:29

Wow loads of responses Blush

Ds' name is not the same as the other boys which is what is making me so confused & annoyed by it .
The mum seems to be bffs with the Teacher from what I can see & have heard - They have each other on FB & go out occasionally together as I have seen them a few times so I don't think the Teacher will agree with me , I'm going to try & stay calm when I speak to her as long as she doesn't take the other parents side

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/03/2014 13:33

I don't think she has a leg to stand on, frankly. Just keep repeating, calmly, 'DS's name is Tom, not Thomas. His birth certificate says Tom. Tom is his name, and we will NOT accept him being called anything else in class. If you persist in trying to change his name, we will be going to the Head Teacher and the governing body'.

phantomnamechanger · 29/03/2014 13:33

The mum seems to be bffs with the Teacher from what I can see & have heard - They have each other on FB & go out occasionally together as I have seen them a few times so I don't think the Teacher will agree with me

well, firstly it's very unprofessional to use favouritism and most decent teachers would ensure that their friends DCs were not treated any differently than anyone else.
But that's not even the point. She wants to change your sons name to something it isn't, this is not about a compromise over 2 boys with the same name and how they will be referred to, IT'S NOT HIS NAME. she has not got a leg to stand on and the head would tell her so!

LongTimeLurking · 29/03/2014 13:33

YANBU. The teacher is very rude and disrespectful to change your childs name.

Would the teacher tolerate being called Mr Smith instead of Mr Jones? Of course not.

phantomnamechanger · 29/03/2014 13:34

spooky xpost about her not having a leg to stand on!

Sunnymeg · 29/03/2014 13:39

I think the other Mum called her son Thomas intending that he was known as Tom. Is this perhaps something to do with the school data forms? Do they have a question asking what your child should be known as? The teacher may not realise that your DS's full first name is Tom, she is assuming he is a Thomas, which I can understand, as many people give a child a full name and then shorten it in everyday use..

DS was in a class with six Katie's, they were all known by their first and second names, so Katie Ann, Katie Louise etc. This may work providing the second names aren't too embarrassing, and might be better than Tom J, Tom W or whatever.

Misspixietrix · 29/03/2014 13:42

My Ds has a very unusual name (think biblical). We shortened it and every one calls him by his nickname now. His Reception Teacher always calls him by his full name and when I asked her she said she'd asked Ds what he wanted to called. X or Y? He said Y. That's good enough for me. Tom 1's Mum sound bonkers. There's no way she's going to able to pull that off in every class for the next 10/11 years. YNBU OP. Have a word with the Teacher.

Misspixietrix · 29/03/2014 13:44

Youre never (ok almost rarely) going to get a class without no duplicate names. They are just called Sally Smith Sally Jones etc.

phantomnamechanger · 29/03/2014 13:46

Sunnymeg - the teacher should know the childs name - the register and class lists will have his name - which is Tom not Thomas. Usually teachers pencil in any preferred variants, but the printed list still have the child's name. Which will never have appeared anywhere as Thomas!

MorrisZapp · 29/03/2014 13:50

Sorry, when you say she'll take the other mums side, what do you envisage?

'no, I can't call your son his name, another mother has asked me not to'??

More likely she'll just say something boring like 'oh right, that's fine. Is there anything else while you're here?'.