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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be offended my husband has been invited to a wedding without me?

87 replies

PurplePotPlant · 28/03/2014 16:11

Friend of DH, who I know but am not close to, is getting married at a location bloody miles from where we all live. Save the date arrived yonks ago, now invite has arrived for just DH.

I personally feel its rude as its basically asking my DH to support and witness the importance of their marriage, whilst disregarding the importance of ours.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MagnaCharge · 28/03/2014 16:14

I wouldn't be offended after all they are his friends.

That said if it was us DH wouldn't go as we don't like doing things apart if we can possibly avoid it.

wheretoyougonow · 28/03/2014 16:14

People can do what they like re their wedding. However, I would personally find this odd and would probably expect my DH to decline! I would make an exception if it was an extremely small wedding or money was a known issue.

isitsnowingyet · 28/03/2014 16:15

YANBU - I would be offended too. Is he going anyway?

HowAboutNo · 28/03/2014 16:16

That's weird and rude.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/03/2014 16:16

YABU - one of my friends is getting married - she has never met DH in her life. I am invited, he is not. Does he care??? Not a jot.

I personally feel its rude as its basically asking my DH to support and witness the importance of their marriage, whilst disregarding the importance of ours.

You are seriously overthinking - I should think the bride to be has not given any one elses marriage a thought.

Lottiedoubtie · 28/03/2014 16:17

My cousin did this in reverse (invited me but not DH).

I went for the sake of family harmony but neither of us have ever quite forgiven them. The only logical reason I can think of is that they wanted me to pair with my unmarried sister to make the table plan work as everyone else's partners were invited. Hmm

It is very rude IMO.

MintyChops · 28/03/2014 16:17

That's really odd. YANBU.

QueenofallIsee · 28/03/2014 16:17

Sorry but I think you are being a bit of a knobber. You are not close to them, weddings are expensive for all concerned - I fail to see how not asking someone that they don't know well to their day is disregarding your marriage..maybe if the invite said 'come to our wedding without your missus and shag a bridesmaid' but I assume it did not.

cees · 28/03/2014 16:19

YANBU
They know you are married, of course it's bloody rude. I would ring them and see what they say, maybe it's a typo. If not then rage away, they would deserve it. What does your husband think? Mine wouldn't be going if he got an invite for just him, he would be insulted and not want to.

Drquin · 28/03/2014 16:21

If you've seen the other wedding threads on here, you'll know this won't end well .....

Isn't the phrase "it's an invitation not a blo**dy summons"?

Yes, it's perhaps a bit odd in some folks' minds not to extend the invite to a spouse / partner. But clearly not that odd for the happy couple - and I've a wee bit of sympathy, in that if they'd invited both of you, there'd be as many partners incensed at the distance they had to travel for some random friend of DH they hardly knew Wink.

Finola1step · 28/03/2014 16:22

It's a bit odd but I really don't think this has anything with them disregarding your marriage. That kind of thinking is OTT. It's probably a numbers thing.

EverythingIsAwesome · 28/03/2014 16:23

I would find it rude too, YANBU!

BadgersRetreat · 28/03/2014 16:23

YANBU - sorry, but inviting one half of a married couple is odd and rude. If you can only afford/want a small wedding adjust your list accordingly.

expatinscotland · 28/03/2014 16:23

I'd be glad. I find weddings a frightful bore.

oscarwilde · 28/03/2014 16:23

Did they both attend yours? Is that what you mean by "disregarding the importance of yours?"
Yanbu for feeling a little slighted perhaps but if you are not close, and they are getting married "bloody miles away" then sounds like you are off the hook.
I feel sorry for your DH. He now either has to look rude by declining/as though he can't move without you/or attend a wedding by himself.

InAGrump · 28/03/2014 16:24

Very rude!!!! YANBU

QuacksForDoughnuts · 28/03/2014 16:25

YANBU to feel miffed - offended might be going a bit far, depending on the backstory. (e.g. if the friends have form for excluding you generally, if they loudly express a wish for him to get back with his ex who is also going to be there and seated at the same table, if they are inviting every partner except you, these would ramp things up to the offensive level imo) If there have been no hard feelings about anything else and the wedding is going to be small that makes it less bad. Obviously it's between you and your husband whether he goes and he should take your feelings and any other logistics into account (assuming that you are not being a screaming harpy at the prospect of his going out for a day alone - sadly some people here will accuse you of that based on little evidence), but it doesn't intrinsically mean the to-be-wedded friends are being nasty.

Aeroflotgirl · 28/03/2014 16:25

Yanbu at all, it us very rude to not invite a significant other.

ThatOtherTime · 28/03/2014 16:26

This wouldn't bother me and I wouldn't think it odd at all. I would not have wanted strangers at my wedding. (I had a very small wedding so it wasn't an issue)

Salmotrutta · 28/03/2014 16:26

I think this is rude.

Why would anyone just invite one member of an established couple?

I wonder how they'd feel if people just invited one of them?

ginmakesitallok · 28/03/2014 16:26

Yabu, we've received an invite to a colleague of dp's wedding. I can't understand why I'm invited, only meet the couple briefly once. I'm sending dp on his own

Aeroflotgirl · 28/03/2014 16:27

Exactly sal, op and her dh are a couple. I invited my friends to my wedding and their partner/husband why would you not!

Original poster
PurplePotPlant · 28/03/2014 16:27

Its not a small wedding, and money is not an issue with them (although I do appreciate even if money isn't an issue, numbers can be)

DH is not sure if he'll go as its a quite a distance away and claims that if he has to spend money on a hotel he'd rather do it for a weekend away with me than for a wedding (and being a man hes not overly keen on weddings anyway)

Just seems odd to me - I mean weddings are about romance and dancing yet they have chosen to only invite half of married couples (have spoken to another wife whose husband is in the same group of friends and she has also not been invited... she also feels its a bit rude as 'they're a bit old for a lads weekend away, especially to apparently celebrate the importance of marriage'...

OP posts:
starfishmummy · 28/03/2014 16:29

Very odd and definitely rude.

BackforGood · 28/03/2014 16:30

YABU - what Betty said ^ basically.

I don't see how you can get 'offended' from that. You've said you aren't close. Maybe he's invited all the 'group' from wherever it is he's invited them from.
The "disregarding the importance of ours" bit quite frankly makes you sound a bit odd. Being married to someone doesn't mean you are surgically joined at the hip. Yes, it's common to invite a spouse to a wedding, but there will be reasons they haven't and I unless you've heard the reason is that they don't like you, then I suspect it isn't that, so you've got no reason to be offended.

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