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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be offended my husband has been invited to a wedding without me?

87 replies

PurplePotPlant · 28/03/2014 16:11

Friend of DH, who I know but am not close to, is getting married at a location bloody miles from where we all live. Save the date arrived yonks ago, now invite has arrived for just DH.

I personally feel its rude as its basically asking my DH to support and witness the importance of their marriage, whilst disregarding the importance of ours.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Enjoyingmycoffee · 28/03/2014 16:57

I never post on things like this, because invariably I think the poster is being unreasonable.

In this case, I absolutely think YANBU.

5Foot5 · 28/03/2014 16:59

I don't know about rude but it is very strange. I have never heard of a wedding where you invite one half of a married couple but not the other.

Original poster

PurplePotPlant · 28/03/2014 16:59

Enjoyingmycoffee - so have I broken your AIBU duck?!

OP posts:

tobiasfunke · 28/03/2014 17:01

YANBU

Bet the bride won't be happy when her DH gets his first wedding invitation that excludes her.

chrome100 · 28/03/2014 17:06

YABU. This happened to us last year. I really wasn't bothered, I'd only met the groom a couple of times and had never met the bride. Why would they want me at their wedding (and, more to the point, why on earth would I want to go?)

MostWicked · 28/03/2014 17:07

It's a bit odd. I would be miffed rather than offended.
Could they just be trying to limit numbers?
Probably worth your DH calling to check if it is just for him. Then he can decide if he wants to go.

ArsePaste · 28/03/2014 17:10

DH once got invited to a wedding without me (and it was one of those where the guests were paying for their own meal, so cost wasn't a factor), so I refused point blank, to have either of them at our wedding a year or so later.

EeeIcouldCrushAGrape · 28/03/2014 17:12

I just don't GET why people get so precious and weird over weddings. So what if your DH is invited and not you? You're presumably not joined at the hip and can go places without each other?
I'm sure she didn't sit down and deliberately laugh and disrespect your marriage.
It's up to them who they invite. You said yourself you're not close.

AcrossthePond55 · 28/03/2014 17:13

Does seem a bit odd. If it happened to either DH or I, we'd RSVP by post that we were both coming (implying that it was an error) and see what happens . But we're ornery that way.

magentastardust · 28/03/2014 17:15

YANBU. Why are so many people saying my dh didn't know the bride so why would he be invited?

Does the guest always know both the bride and the groom equally well ?
Surely going by those rules hardly anyone would be invited as only people who knew both parts of the couple of the bride and groom should be invited.

As someone said up thread , it is polite to invite single people with a plus one , never mind only ask 1 half of a married couple.

magentastardust · 28/03/2014 17:18

Of course couples can go places separately -no one is arguing that point. It is just rude and a bit odd to only invite one half of a couple to a wedding. Especially as the majority of weddings aren't just nights out , they usually involve a lot of expense and travel.

A few people seem to have experienced it though so maybe it is becoming commonplace.

phantomnamechanger · 28/03/2014 17:20

of course it is rude. of course married couples are not joined at the hip and can have independent social lives but a wedding is a celebration of marriage vows/love/long term commitment - and therefore it is very rude not to invite peoples spouses/partners, regardless of whether you know them. It's your chance to meet and get to know them. If the person is important enough in your life to be invited to your wedding, then its important to meet their life partner too, surely!

The wife from the OP will probably be the type to have a right old strop when this happens to her, or when her babies are not invited in a couple of years! Or she may well have the good grace to one day cringe about this in a "I can't believe I did that" sort of way!

GoblinLittleOwl · 28/03/2014 17:26

It is incorrect, as well as being extremely ill-mannered, particularly as they were both guests at your wedding. I gather nobody bothers with etiquette any more, but any wedding book will tell you that husbands and wives are invited together, because it is a formal occasion. The same does not apply to partners. I believe the Blairs dis-invited the second wife of the bride's father at their son's wedding, (terribly bad form) but then, they don't know how to behave anyway.

Pandsbear · 28/03/2014 17:26

It's strange. I don't understand why anyone would think it is reasonable! However if that happened to either DH or me we would just decline the invite. Life is too short.

MarysDressSways · 28/03/2014 17:28

I've been invited to a wedding without my husband.

I TOTALLY understand (despite the bride knowing him well too). It's purely down to numbers. I'm not remotely offended and neither is he. I'm just excited about seeing someone I love get married.

MarysDressSways · 28/03/2014 17:30

ps - I'm also looking forward to having fun with my mates (including the bride). I'm able to operate independently to my husband!

Quinteszilla · 28/03/2014 17:34

Surely a wedding gift JUST for the groom is in order? Leopard G- strings perhaps? One mug?

Bowlersarm · 28/03/2014 17:36

I still think is strange, Mary, that your friend didn't want to invite your husband to her wedding. It's just weird. Have the husbands of all your mates you will be having fun with, not been invited either?

WooWooOwl · 28/03/2014 17:36

I agree that it's rude.

It's not so bad when someone is inviting work colleagues to an evening reception and there is going to be a big group of them going, and inviting partners would add another 20 people to pay for just because that's how many close colleagues you have.

But to invite an out of work friend without their partner, especially when there are going to be significant travel and accommodation costs, is plain rude, and tight.

Floggingmolly · 28/03/2014 17:36

Quint

steff13 · 28/03/2014 17:44

I think it's rude to invite an individual and not invite his or her spouse. I'm in the US, though, it's common here for a wedding invitation to come with a +1, indicating that the person is allowed to bring a date. So, a couple would be invited "Mr. and Mrs. Whoever," and a single person would be invited "Ms. Whoever +1."

magentastardust · 28/03/2014 17:49

Haha great point quint. Yes surely the gift should be for just the part of the bridal couple that you know.

Mary-That is great you can 'operate independently from your husband'-well done -I am sure the OP can do too. Doesn't really have any relevance to it not being rude.

I would imagine the bride, your 'mate' that you are looking forward to having fun with won't be as up for a night of single girls night of fun as you are ..with it being her wedding and all-presumably she will have her husband in tow.
That is lovely that you are excited to see someone you love getting married but she isn't as excited as sharing her special day with the person who you love and is your other half.

Are weddings now the new office party/single person's night out! (feeling old)

MrsBungle · 28/03/2014 17:56

Dh and I can certainly socialise without each other and we often do. I think it's very unusual and, yes rude to not invite one half of a married couple to a wedding.

phantomnamechanger · 28/03/2014 17:59

Yes surely the gift should be for just the part of the bridal couple that you know.

yes buy one of those lovely his n hers towel sets (or pillow cases would be even better) and then keep the other half to give to the next person who invites one of you. bargain!

Grennie · 28/03/2014 18:03

I would find it odd. But if I didn't really know my DP's friend and their friends, I would be secretly relieved.

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