to wish so many women wouldn't get so precious and princessey over Mother's Day

[Ecclefechan]

If you need one day a year for your DH and DC to show you how much they love you and appreciate you, then you've got a dysfunctional family and need to address that.

If breakfast in bed is your thing, surely that can be accommodated more than once a year on a particular day.

If you want "a break from the cooking" then maybe you should be having a conversation with your family about sharing cooking, washing dishes and going out for lunch when you want to rather than on a particular day.

Your DM and MIL do not stop being mothers just because their children have left home; so stop being so precious with comments such as "I'm the one who does the mothering", "Mother's Day should be about those who are doing active mothering", "She's had her turn". Heard every flipping year on Mumsnet (though thankfully never in real life).

Get over yourselves

Burnt toast?
Meals in overheated restaurants?
Wtf?
I have never seen anyone say hey want or expect these things.
why the need to make such a comment about going out to eat? Have you never eaten anywhere that you like?

And Op. you're back peddling now. Your op didn't hint at ppl being overly extravagant or expecting lavish gifts. It made derisory comments about very simple treats such as breakfast in bed.
The only person I can recall on this thread who is expecting more than a lie in and a bunch of daffs is you with your JL package.

the Jl bag has done you nooooooo favours op!

Life is quite hard for many families if not always "bloody depressing". A lie in and breakfast in bed may not be a treat for you but it is for others. It is a way of showing appreciation without spending money.

You don't have to be a downtrodden drudge not to get a regular lie in or have somebody else cook your meals. It all depends on your family and working set up.

They are happy to be the work horse 365 days a year, they just want a tiny little ray of appreciation on Mothers Day

Neigh chance. No one saddles me with the donkey work.

I'll be at work on Mother's Day

But have been promised gifts and homemade cakies a takeaway when I get home.

I think the women who complain about not feeling appreciated are those who are expected to fuss over and visit their own mother or MIL on mothers day whilst no-one considers them.
This obviously doesn't happen to the OP because she doesn't go and visit her MIL (but does say she orders flowers and a card for her MIL whilst berating women as princessy who would like this for themselves).
I don't expect much from my kids for mother's day but do think that if anyone is fussed over on mothers day then it should be mothers of dependant children, the same with father's day although that doesn't seem to cause as much of a problem on mumsnet probably because women make sure their kids sort out a card and older men in the family are maybe more happy with a card and a phone call than some older women.

the same with father's day although that doesn't seem to cause as much of a problem on mumsnet probably because women make sure their kids sort out a card and older men in the family are maybe more happy with a card and a phone call than some older women

Spot on.

Father's day really is a relatively recent creation.

The idea that a father should be very involved with the rearing of young children and domestic responsibilities is a very, very recent creation.

Everything was created at some point, everyone does realise this....

Are we only supposed to celebrate certain festivals and feast days if they are x millions of years old?

AFASIK There are enough days of misery with funerals, deaths, and so on, I love days that are happy and supposed to be about gratitude and happiness.

I hate mothers day, valentines day......

DH gets right huffy when I additionally can't be arsed with fathers day.

I'm not saying you shouldn't celebrate father's day. I celebrated chocolate cake day this year and would consider celebrating any day the rest of the family proposed.

I just think fathers of an older generation might not be so bothered about it because

1. it hasn't been part of the culture for so long and
2. For a George Banks in Mary Poppins type father, it's father's day every day from the moment you walk through the door and get your pipe and slippers. (Thinking film version more than book version here.)

I have a 3 yo dd, I'm happy with my homemade card she brought home for me from pre-school today, her daddy will most likely get one for her to give me as well on Sunday, along with a bunch of flowers from Tesco which I usually get on Mothers Day, birthdays, when I'm ill. I don't expect a fuss, going out for lunch when she's older might be a nice treat, but at this age it's not v relaxing with her! We'll just be chilling out on Sunday as the three of us & I just want to forget about the usual chores / cooking and that's about it really.

My own mother on the other hand has thrown a hissy fit that I'm not taking HER out for lunch somewhere upmarket, we really don't have the cash & anything average would be met with disgust by her. I also want to be spending the time with my dd, relaxing & having as much fun as poss. My own childhood with a narc mother - always marched to church so that me & my brother could be seen in public presenting her with a daffodil as part of the service! Then she'd spend the rest of the day cooking a huge Sunday lunch followed by an elaborate "high tea" for the in laws who she hated, playing the hard done by martyr even though nobody else wanted or expected all this charade that she insisted on ever year. This was all followed by her dramatically flaking out afterwards, complaining that she never got a rest on mothers day & was exhausted & taken for granted - as usual creating events that made sure the world revolved around her.

I used to take her out each year for lunch or dinner somewhere she deemed good enough for her, because my life was not worth living if I didn't & my brother got off the hook by living hours away while I was local. It was always uncomfortable, I sat there while she talked at me, criticised me, & if I dared to stand up for myself it would all end in a row. One year I got up & left after she told me my wedding was actually her wedding as my mother.

Then when I had my dd 3 years ago, I was still pretty poorly in hospital having lost a lot of blood & it happened to be mothers day. My brother took her out that year but all she did was complain that I wasn't there like it was my fault! The other day she told me she was upset that since I had my dd - HER grandaughter - I didn't take her out for lunch anymore just the two of us, that I put my dd first now. Well hell yeah, with a mother like this I do!! Hence she's not speaking to me at the moment because she's not getting HER lunch on Sunday, and the tea & cake at mine I've suggested is not good enough.

So OP, you are v lucky not to have a dm or mil like this & many others judging by the Stately Homes thread I usually read. Imo YABU, I will send you my dm over if you like ; )

So OP, you are v lucky not to have a dm or mil like this

My mother died 30 years ago, MIL is lovely.

Buckteethjeff - considering how "pointless" you think this thread is you keep reading it

I can't help it eccle I miss you to much!

beabea, how awful, your DM sounds like very hard work.

maybe she will see a few home truths with how you treat your own dd.

i hope you have a wonderful day z

A good friend of mine used to get up at 6 to drag her 1...2...3 small children out of bed, make them packed lunches*, dress them nicely, drive 3 hours to a not-terribly-near her mother in law's house where her dh and his then-childless siblings would have a long boozy lunch while ahe struggled to entertain the children who were used to being asleep at that time. Then she would have to drive her slumbering husband and kids home. Her MIL never once asked her about timing, her "d"h never once suggested she didn't do the morning get up. After 5 years she rebelled and I don't blame her.

They still see MiL but not til the afternoon.

*because the timing of the meal didn't coincide with the time her kids were hungry.

Oh special now that is worth complaining about. How shit.

Of course, Ecclefechan your argument applies equally to mothers and mother in laws too.

If Mothers don't need a particular day to have their DC how much they love and appreciate them, then DMs / MILs don't either. And if we must do it on Mothering Sunday, then Logically, they must also have dysfunctional families too?

DMs and MILs could equally have a break from cooking / be taken out for lunch any day of the year. So they don't need anything special done on Mothering Sunday either, as that too would be precious and princessy as well, wouldn't it?

I don't think you can have it both ways.

Why do women need a break from cooking? Why not share the cooking throughout the year if it's such a bleeding chore? Luckily DH enjoys cooking so I am kind enough to allow him to get on with it; however, if he felt he was a martyr chained to the Aga then I'd put my pinny on and rustle up ... erm something vaguely edible.

Yawn
So really your op should have read "how annoying that you aren't all more like me. Stop complaining about it. Just be more like me all the time"

Haha, YABU, I want all the attention, flowers, hearts and fluffy pink shit because i'm fucking worth it

@ Amanda

Seriously op, you can't be for real. "Why not share the cooking throughout the year?" Err because DH doesn't get in til 9pm? etc etc

Not everyone has your life.

Thank Goodness

All I want is my children on Mother's Day.

we don't actually have an Aga and I don't have a pinny