to wish so many women wouldn't get so precious and princessey over Mother's Day

[Ecclefechan]

If you need one day a year for your DH and DC to show you how much they love you and appreciate you, then you've got a dysfunctional family and need to address that.

If breakfast in bed is your thing, surely that can be accommodated more than once a year on a particular day.

If you want "a break from the cooking" then maybe you should be having a conversation with your family about sharing cooking, washing dishes and going out for lunch when you want to rather than on a particular day.

Your DM and MIL do not stop being mothers just because their children have left home; so stop being so precious with comments such as "I'm the one who does the mothering", "Mother's Day should be about those who are doing active mothering", "She's had her turn". Heard every flipping year on Mumsnet (though thankfully never in real life).

Get over yourselves

Ecclefechan

In an ideal world MD would be a large gathering of grandparents, parents, little ones, and a wonderful day for the all the mammas. Spoiled, treated, home made cards and so on, a wonderful testament to life, mothers and the circle of life.

Unfortunately life isn't like that, many mothers do feel under appreciated, they do feel un loved, they do feel always second best to the MIL, they do feel sad if their own mother cannot be with them, they do feel all of this particularly on Mothers day because a great big spot light is being shone on them and IT.

For those reasons I think your post is not very nice and I can understand why you are touching nerves.

YANBU.

If your family suggest themselves that they'd like to treat you to something special, or a daytrip or whatever, on Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, your birthday, whenever - that's lovely.

But it's not a bloody law. I completely agree with the OP about just asking for a lay in or a break if you want one, not storing it up for a random day.

I know what you mean about 'princessy' as well. When I read threads about mother's day, birthdays, valentines etc the majority of posters are in the "it's nice to do something" bracket. But then you get the odd ones who say things like "I'm so angry my DP only bought me a car stereo for my birthday."

The underlying point is its very nice to treat the people you love, but it's not nice to demand other people do things for you.

Or to generally suggests that DM's and MIL's should get over themselves because they've already had their time...

Damn it, wordfactory, you just wrote what I wanted to and also managed to put it coherently

word

I have read many posts on MD where the DH is useless and unappreciative.

Thats the problem, that is why many women are moaning because their DH can't seem to get how important it is to them.

It puts me in mind of Truman Capotes diary entry the day after his birthday.

'Birthday. Insufficient attention paid.'

The underlying point is its very nice to treat the people you love, but it's not nice to demand other people do things for you

Its not nice to have to demand it, on days like Mothers Day, be it the MILS or the DILS.

I have not read one post where someone is saying the older mothers have had their time, more like, they would have to travel great distances to see people they do not get on with, where they do feel comfortable and basically have a shit day themselves, and most posters have said just once it would be nice to put first, just once.

Mary no, no, no. I love celebrating my and friends' birthdays because those are real dates with significance to the person concerned. Mothers' day isn't. The cards and "perfect for mothers' day" presents are generic and often tacky.

Bornfree I really don't see how it's an issue for a DH.

This is all about the relationship between child and mother. When children are too young to do anything for mother's day, then whether the DH organises nothing, a card, or a chorus of dancing angels, it means nothing in respect of recognition from the child.

It seesm to me that it has now moved away from the recognition of mothers by their children and has now become a celebration of Mothers by just about everyone else.

It has become about Mothers' expectations of those who are not even her DC.

I don't get the fuss really and yes it would be nice if my family offered me a lie in on another day or made me a cup of tea in bed. Or the older dc (16 & 12) got up with the younger dc (8 & 4) occasionally. As it happens I don't even have the dc this weekend as they are at their fathers, so I will get a lie in, well until the Labrador demands to be let out and then fed and then walked.

I don't need cards or cheap gifts expensive ones would be nice though, although if given I do show appreciation. We use mothers day as an excuse to eat out, usually stop somewhere cheap and cheerful on way home from rugby/hockey training, just a pub roast or somewhere like a hungry horse (cheap and cheerful and the dc eat it).

However my own mum would spontaneously combust if we didn't make a fuss and take an expensive gift and flowers to her on the day. So I do kind of feel a bit peeved that she gets a lovely well thought out and ££ gift and a bunch of flowers x 3 (me and 2 siblings) and I'm lucky if I get a crème egg but my dc do show love and affection on other days of the year.

The date of Mother's Day has bugger all to do with hallmark.

Why does everyone say that?

My mother is dead and that hurts every day, but it hurts more on her birthday, the anniversary of the day she died, on my birthday, my children's birthdays, Mother's Day. The things she misses, the things we miss. On Sunday I will be smiling and getting small things for people in mothering roles - my grandmother who does not have a daughter any more but is no less a mother, my mil who has lots of loving children to give her something but who is a grandmother to my children, and worthy of recognition.

I am looking forward to cards made at school and flowers picked in the garden and cold tea and sloppy porridge and no one will put me off any of that.

I think what's clear is that too many women are treated badly by their families.

The idea that they never come first is prevalent. But to me that's horrifying and something that needs to be dealt with but most certainly cannot be fixed by cards, flowers, diamind necklaces.

Ooh pertinent thread. Every year since H and I had our own homes, H and I have looked after my mum and MIL on Mothers Day. Once we had kids and couldn't afford to go out I cooked Sunday lunch for everyone including my dad and elderly aunt. I don't mind. In fact I quite like it. But this year I decided I didn't want to. And I would quite like to be looked after instead. Or even NOT looked after, just not feeling obliged to cook a three course meal for 9 people. Hurrah! Does that make me princessy?

However I tend to agree with the general principle. Grannys are mums too.

Caitlin- Mothering Sunday is no more a made up celebration than Christmas, and I've yet to read a thread from even the most ardent atheist saying they don't believe in celebrating it at all - perhaps at most only doing their own more secular traditions, or those from other faiths wanting to prioritise their own religions winter celebrations. You don't have to do the tacky, supermarket decreed gifts, anymore than saying that just because sainsburys sells Christmas pudding, you have to serve that on 25th December particularly because Christmas pudding mings

Most people complaining want time and thought, not "happy Mother's Day" tat.

I'm expecting a handmade card, breakfast in bed, then DH forgoing his weekly mountain bike ride to cook Sunday lunch for us and pil coming over for lunch. Any gifts above that will be gratefully received, but not expected!

Yes but Word, this is the whole point, thousands of women are not given any recognition for what they do, and Mothers Day is one day when they would like some small token that they are appreciated.

They are happy to be the work horse 365 days a year, they just want a tiny little ray of appreciation on Mothers Day.

Not walking past packed restaurants with steam on the windows, and laughing faces inside; trudging back home with heavy shopping to nothing footy on the telly, children who need attention and nothing.
( children too small to do anything themselves DH hasn't bothered to help them do anything).

They see cards in the shops and no one has got them one ....

And, in true mother style, I feel guilt about it

Exaclty mary I don't see whats wrong with that.

"Not walking past packed restaurants with steam on the windows, and laughing faces inside; "

alternatively sulky teenage faces inside who think this is all so lame FFS!

They may think its lame but they are behaving as they should, appreciating their mother and when they are older they will be glad they did.

They are happy to be the work horse 365 days a year, they just want a tiny little ray of appreciation on Mothers Day

How bloody depressing; be a work horse for a year and be grateful for a lump of sugar ... Not me thank you!

DCs have made me md cards at cm this week.

i love mothers day - homemade presents via cubs/guides/school and stuff bought and lunch out. i celebrate small people day (the other 364 days of the year) and if they didn't want to celebrate a day for moi (said in miss piggy french accent) then i'd wonder what i was doing wrong.

No one should accept being the family work horse all year.

bornfree - that isn't appreciating their mother though is it. That's being made to look as if they are appreciating their mother.

My eldest (can be stroppy) son gives me the biggest hugs all the time and asks me if I'm alright and I've had a good day. He also plays his guitar to me when I'm feeling a bit low. Why would I need a meal in an overheated restaurant along with all the other guilt-tripped partners and kids when I have that?

BornFree- you are romanticising Mother's Day. Nothing wrong in itself, but it will definitely set you up for some big disappointments.

This thread is completely pointless as op will be enjoying all the things she is sneering at other people expecting/wanting/experiencing.

I could understand it if she was a Puritan and would reject any thing to do with MD BUT she will be receiving card, prezzie, lie in, meal cooked for her blah blah...

The difference is she dosnt care if she receives anything , it's only grabby, needy, princess like if you look forward to it.

This is the most hypocritical thread ever!