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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish so many women wouldn't get so precious and princessey over Mother's Day

260 replies

Ecclefechan · 27/03/2014 06:04

If you need one day a year for your DH and DC to show you how much they love you and appreciate you, then you've got a dysfunctional family and need to address that.

If breakfast in bed is your thing, surely that can be accommodated more than once a year on a particular day.

If you want "a break from the cooking" then maybe you should be having a conversation with your family about sharing cooking, washing dishes and going out for lunch when you want to rather than on a particular day.

Your DM and MIL do not stop being mothers just because their children have left home; so stop being so precious with comments such as "I'm the one who does the mothering", "Mother's Day should be about those who are doing active mothering", "She's had her turn". Heard every flipping year on Mumsnet (though thankfully never in real life).

Get over yourselves Grin

OP posts:
glastocat · 27/03/2014 06:49

You sound like a miserable sod. Mothers Day is nice, my son probably enjoys it as much as me, all the plotting about making me breakfast in bed, and dragging his dad to lush to buy me a mothers day bath bomb etc etc. It seems an odd think to get aerated about really.

Original poster
Ecclefechan · 27/03/2014 06:52

Doingaka - have I touched a nerve?

Not sanctimonious at all - I leave that to the martyr mummy brigade. Not unhappy - have lovely DH and DD and enough self-esteem not to seek "validation" from them via Hallmark.

I don't like breakfast in bed though (the crumbs!) and don't see the point of birthday celebrations once past 21. However, the princessey threads about birthdays are in a similar league to the Mother's Day ones.

OP posts:
Taffeta · 27/03/2014 06:52

For those that wrote threads re DM/MIL I haven't read them but suspect YANBU.

The op is smug and patronising and shows shockingly little understanding for other people's lives. How naive and crass to assume that because of one's own situation, that everyone else's could be the same, given an assertive chat and a dressing down on being "princessy".

ITCouldBeWorse · 27/03/2014 06:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Taffeta · 27/03/2014 06:59

And making it personal to people that challenge the op is v PA.

When my DC were very small, I remember feeling a little put out that DH didn't mark the day on their behalf. Now they are primary age they can sort it themselves, and I book us a lunch somewhere. With his parents, my parents, whoever wants to come. It's not a big fuss but it marks the day appropriately.

But I remember when they were little and the resentment. Not so much when I had DS, more when I had 2 under 3.

merrymouse · 27/03/2014 06:59

and don't see the point of birthday celebrations once past 21 Is it just celebrating a particular person that you don't like or do you also have a problem with things like Easter egg rolling and Guy Fawkes night?

OneStepCloser · 27/03/2014 07:00

I never understand the angst on here re MD or Birthdays, if you don't celebrate that's your choice. Why the need to berate others who do?

SpringComeHereYouFabulousSeaso · 27/03/2014 07:02

Oh, OP you are one of those people - 'I don't see the point of birthday celebrations after 21yrs'. Genuinely I feel sad for you.

Dh and dc love spoiling me on my birthday and I love spoiling them on theirs. We all get a turn, we all enjoy it. Do you not enjoy spoiling the people you love? Everyday kindness is the key but the odd day of spoiling is the icing on the cake. Wow, I hate the word 'spoiling' now but can't think of a better one.

I agree with the tantrumming about visit mums and MIL though. I don't get to see my mum on Mother's Day - too far away - but I always send a present and a card (found a great present this year, I think she'll love it) and we will see MIL who lives close by. The morning is mine though.

merrymouse · 27/03/2014 07:03

I think that sometimes people forget how relentless looking after very small children can be for women (clearly for men too, but realistically women still tend to do more childcare than men). Clearly it is relentless all year round and not just on mother's day. However, mother's day tends to focus the feeling of injustice, hence the threads.

ithaka · 27/03/2014 07:03

YANBU, for me Mothers Day is less about me and more about my mother. I will take the time to treat her - she is old and won't be around for ever.

It is up to my daughters, not me, whether they wish to do anything for me on mothers day. But they know that I will be taking my mum out, so it will have to fit round that.

My MIL doesn't like people, so wouldn't welcome a visit, but I know DH will send flowers and phone her. She is a difficult woman, but she did give him the gift of life, so a bunch of flowers is pretty minor in the scale of that.

My point being, mothers day should not be about what other people do for you, but what you can do for your mother. I really believe it is better to give than to receive (and sets a kinder example to your children). Kindness is a great, little regarded virtue. More of it would make us all happier).

normaleggy · 27/03/2014 07:04

I kind of agree with you OP, I just think a lot of women don't realise they are being princessy and ott about these things. I'm not overly bothered about Mother's Day but my two young dc are and my mum takes them out to get me some flowers or chocolates so I'm happy to go along with that. We don't bother going out for a meal or anything and as a single mum I still have to do everything on the house anyway, so it's not really a day off to relax for many of us.

What I dislike most about it is the ton of crap the shops try to sell you, a large selection of pink and purple tat shaped like watering cans and teapots. And fucking teddy bears - teddy bears!! Most mothers have a house swamped with toys that they trip over every time they leave a room, WHY THE FUCK WOULD WE WANT ANY MORE???

curiousuze · 27/03/2014 07:08

I agree with some of your points, but your post would have been so much better without all the sneery 'princess' 'martyr' and 'dysfunctional' stuff. No need.

merrymouse · 27/03/2014 07:08

I don't know. I think there are certain times when you are really in the thick of childcare (e.g. baby waking up 5 times a night, having to entertain toddler during day), when it really is all about the person in active service. Obviously in an ideal world everyone would share all of this, but that isn't always possible.

pictish · 27/03/2014 07:09

Yanbu. Couldn't agree more.

Somehow Mother's Day has morphed in to Wives Day hasn't it? A special day where women get the chance to set their husbands a silent test to see if they can come up with the goods AND prioritise them over their actual mothers. Because remember ladies - they've had their turn and it's all about YOU now.

Hmm

Actually makes me gip a bit.

GertTheFlirt · 27/03/2014 07:12

OP I applaud you!

TheRealAmandaClarke · 27/03/2014 07:12

I don't have a mil Sad
If I did I would imagine that dh would want to visit her on mothers day.
But I'd be very sad if there was no recognition of me being the mother of his dcs too. If my feelings were not considered in his plans I would be unhappy.
I would like a little bunch if daffodils. Ds has made a card at nursery and I am over the moon about that. I would like to not be first out of bed as usual (especially after a night of getting up for dd) and I'd like a cup of tea or coffee in bed.
Well be up and out before 9 anyway die to a regular commitment.
I will probably take one of the dcs with me to my mums and take her some flowers.

Let's change this thread around now.
What are your mothers day plans?

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 27/03/2014 07:14

I don't see the point in birthday celebrations after 21

I'll tell that to the 93yo grandparent we're all taking time off work to visit on their birthday - after all, it's not like getting to 93 is anything worth celebrating or making a fuss of and the family visit all the time anyway so why bother making any extra fuss for that one day, right?

And I don't know why we went to the effort of getting together all the various scattered family members for a group photo to celebrate my mum's 60th, it's not like she treasures the visual record of the family she has created and nurtured and enjoyed reflecting on it at a significant milestone in her life. How childish to make such a fuss! We see her every week and those who live abroad Skype her so she knows she is treasured, I can't imagine why we made a special point of it for something as juvenile and pathetic as a birthday.

(In case I haven't made it clear, YABU, OP).

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 27/03/2014 07:14

YANBU... At all.

Taffeta · 27/03/2014 07:17

Amanda - DH is taking DS to play football 2 hours away on Mothers Day. My parents are coming here around noon and we are going shopping for a birthday present for my Dad, who's birthday it is the following week. It may well be his last.

Then we have a very late lunch booked for all 6 of us at the village pub. We never eat out, so this marks it nicely.

Buckteethjeff · 27/03/2014 07:19

I don't like breakfast in bed though (the crumbs!) and don't see the point of birthday celebrations once past 21

^^^ bitter, misery guts.
you do know the more birthdays you have, the longer you live, don't you

BUT I think the lady doth protest to much!

if it's not your thing, don't read the threads. Simples. You dont have to come n here slagging people off who have a different train of thought.

Pointless.

Only1scoop · 27/03/2014 07:21

I was going to say Yanbu....however I read your views on 'birthdays after 21' and decided that despite nbu about the 'toast crumbs'Grin

Yabu about the other points

merrymouse · 27/03/2014 07:21

It will just be me and children this weekend.

I have always wanted to make a cake using crushed oreos in icing, so on Sunday we will be making and eating that. To be honest, I can't foresee any resistance to my plans from anyone.

fuzzpig · 27/03/2014 07:23

I don't relate to your OP at all. I have a really loving family. DH does frankly more than his fair share and always has, through injury (his), illness/disability (mine), and various working arrangements. We get a lie in each at the weekends, DH cooks at weekends, we split the chores between us etc. DCs are wonderful and loving and appreciative all year round, tell me they love me etc. Despite all the shit going on (eg me being ill) we are actually a very happy loved up family.

And yet I still enjoy Mother's Day. It's just a bit of fun, an excuse to have a meal out (not something we do very often - will be cheap and cheerful) and get a nice little present chosen by DCs (they really enjoy choosing and get ridiculously excited about it) and a card/picture they've made. Lovely :)

Can't really comment on the MIL issue, don't have one (well I do but they are no contact as she was horrifically abusive when he was a child, so I've never met her and never will)

curiousuze · 27/03/2014 07:23

amandaclarke me, DH and DS are going to MIL and FIL for lunch which MIL is cooking (so it'll be delicious). This is my second Mother's Day being a mum but don't really remember doing anything last year due to sleep deprivation! Think DS (DH in reality) will get me a card and flowers or a plant for the garden. I'm going to choose some flowers just now to send to my dad to put on my mum's grave.

I'm not religious but I love observing these little celebrations which turn up in the calendar Smile

SelectAUserName · 27/03/2014 07:27

Hmmm, I feel a TAAT looming...

"AIBU to think that people who "can't understand why other people feel the need to do X, Y or Z" are usually snidey judgemental fuckers somewhat lacking in both empathy and imagination, and to wonder why they bother starting threads about something they profess to have no interest in or understanding of unless it's to try (mistakenly) to make themselves appear in some way superior?"