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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish so many women wouldn't get so precious and princessey over Mother's Day

260 replies

Ecclefechan · 27/03/2014 06:04

If you need one day a year for your DH and DC to show you how much they love you and appreciate you, then you've got a dysfunctional family and need to address that.

If breakfast in bed is your thing, surely that can be accommodated more than once a year on a particular day.

If you want "a break from the cooking" then maybe you should be having a conversation with your family about sharing cooking, washing dishes and going out for lunch when you want to rather than on a particular day.

Your DM and MIL do not stop being mothers just because their children have left home; so stop being so precious with comments such as "I'm the one who does the mothering", "Mother's Day should be about those who are doing active mothering", "She's had her turn". Heard every flipping year on Mumsnet (though thankfully never in real life).

Get over yourselves Grin

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 27/03/2014 09:41

It's not Sunday yet....the Op may yet get told "The John Lewis bag isn't for you" and "cook your own supper I'm off out" Grin

HoneyDragon · 27/03/2014 09:41

Oh look another op expecting validation for their choices about Mothering Sunday.

Somewhat princessey op, but live and let live, eh?

Buckteethjeff · 27/03/2014 09:48

Yes dojo

Oh how I hope that John Lewis bag isn't for you op how very hypocritical of you!

By your thread I'm expecting you not to except this gift if it is yours.

Basically this is just a nasty arse thread isn't it op.

Standinginline · 27/03/2014 09:49

I don't celebrate the day usually ,and I'll be working ,anyway. But my partners kids mum treats it as a day to be treated like a queen. She has to have breakfast in bed (his daughter came round hers crying when she was 12 because she didn't bring it up early enough ) and all the older kids look after the younger kids.

Funnily enough ,she expects it all the time BUT doesn't have to beat around the bush when it comes to Mothers Day

BrianTheMole · 27/03/2014 09:50

It's not Sunday yet....the Op may yet get told "The John Lewis bag isn't for you" and "cook your own supper I'm off out"

Absolutely Grin. I expect the op would like that.

Only1scoop · 27/03/2014 09:53

And "not taking the dc to 'sport' I've got a headache" so no lie in....

My thinking was Op may like a 'break from the norm' Grin

Amrapaali · 27/03/2014 09:55

The OP doesn't seem to be against Mothers Day. She is talking about the entitled behaviour that accompanies it. The expectation that certain things have to happen on that day- presents, breakfast in bed, cards, flowers. Aand getting a bit arsey if those expectations are not met.

The OP is getting an unfair pasting on here. I don't care if this AIBU, but the nastiness is getting off the scale. "I hope you dont get the present". Jeez, could you be more school girlish if you tried?

Buckteethjeff · 27/03/2014 09:58

amra have you actually read all ops posts? She has been unfair and nasty herself.

If she can't take it she shouldn't dish it out.
But I'm sure op can take it as she doesn't come across as a wall flower!

YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime · 27/03/2014 09:59

yes amrapaali - its very childish. to me the OP is talking about one person thinking them being a mother trumps others (usually thier MIL).

i also think women who feel generally unappreciated might pin hope on mothers day being different and being left deflated when their wishes are not met. but these again are general issues in their relationships and not mothers day itself.

Only1scoop · 27/03/2014 10:03

Absolutely ....

I think the Op also has a sense of humour Wink

MorrisZapp · 27/03/2014 10:06

I dare say if the OP really felt sad for these women who do are not appreciated all year long, she might not have called them precious, princessy, and told them to get over themselves.

While she herself gets a lie in and goodies from J Lewis.

You're probably a lovely person OP, but this thread is pretty grim. I'd give it up if I were you.

Yonineedaminute · 27/03/2014 10:07

YANBU OP. I do not get Mother's Day or any of the other fucking stupid commercialised days, I can't be arsed with it at all (apart from Christmas that is!).

On Sunday I am sure my Facebook will be full of 'mummies' declaring how the have been 'spoilt rotten' (gah!) and pictures of breakfast in bed etc.

Yawn..........

KellyElly · 27/03/2014 10:16

Ah so we have an OP who thinks anyone who doesn't agree with her way of thinking/doing things is wrong. How very arrogant.

I love the way the first few posts were literally dripping in sarcasm and vitriol accusing people of being princesses, martyrs, entitled etc with ever so passive aggressive smiley faces and crossed out words and 'have I touched a nerve' (really patronising and bitchy that was by the way OP, you sound like an absolute delight) now she feels sorry for those who her post was aimed at and feels attacked at being called bitter and joyless! I don't pity the 'princesses' OP, I pity you for being so utterly smug deluded and actually thinking anyone who doesn't think like you is wrong or to be pitied.

Before you suggest I'm projecting I'm a lone parent with a DD who makes me a fab card at nursery which makes me happier than any grand gesture. Mothers' Day is just a normal day for us. I'm just not so sanctimonious to suggest to other people how they should choose to celebrate their Mother's Day.

Latara · 27/03/2014 10:16

This thread has reminded me to get wrapping paper for my Mum's present, thanks OP.

BeverleyMoss · 27/03/2014 10:17

I don't like the TONE of this thread.

Hmm
BeverleyMoss · 27/03/2014 10:19

You're probably a lovely person OP

hmmm... Nah, not feeling it.

cory · 27/03/2014 10:30

All human societies seem to develop the habit of naturally recurring festivals that are observed at a certain time of year and include certain rituals. We didn't have to wait for Hallmark to develop this behaviour; it is what humans have always done and probably always will do.

The Romans did it, Stone Age people did it, the Chinese do it, tribes in the Amazonian jungle do it, villages in Papua New Guinea do it. The occasions vary as do the rituals, but the whole concept of doing X because today is an annual occasion seems pretty firmly embedded in the human psyche.

Of course that is no excuse for behaving badly. But then where is the reason to believe that people who act up on a certain day of the year would be unselfish and charming if that day was abolished? Or that people who are stressed or feel unappreciated or get on badly with their IL's would have their problems solved if other people stopped a certain annual celebration?

Original poster
Ecclefechan · 27/03/2014 11:39

op you are literally talking out your arse! Grin did you mean to say "literally"?

Wouldn't bother me if the John Lewis bag didn't contain a Mother's Day gift for me but I know it does. Likewise wouldn't care if DH didn't want to go to sports (he and DD both train so it's not like he's doing me a favour) and if he didn't fancy cooking there's plenty of food in the freezer.

I'm glad so many of you, like me, appreciate the handmade cards you'll receive - you're not the onces my OP is aimed at.

All those hurling abuse at me are, ironically, not coming across as nice and happy people. Glad many of you get the point I'm making.

OP posts:
MistressDeeCee · 27/03/2014 11:51

I agree with you actually OP.

The Mother's Day threads have been a real eyeopener for me - mostly women posting about what their DH SHOULD be doing for them, moaning about him wanting to see his own mother, its all too 'me me me'..railroading Mother's Day into a pointscoring contest with a man. Its ridiculous. Why aren't they focusing on their DCs, who they are actually a mother to? Everything seems to be turned around to their man being the one who HAS to make the day special. Why? Isn't it possible for your children to make you feel special, or doesn't it matter as much? Is all to be focused around a man?

Whether you do mother's day or not, seems a bit cringeworthy to use it as a man-bashing day. Im spending the day with my DCs, and my own DM in the evening. Im sure OH will do something nice for me in between all that - but the day doesn't hinge on him being central to it all. He's not my mother. I won't be looking at him in resentment that he's not pampered me all day, or bought the present I think he SHOULD (that word again....) have bought me. Hence, I can't fathom people who think that way. You can love your man..but there's no need to look for him to be all things to you, to the point that a heavily commercialised day causes issue.

YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime · 27/03/2014 11:57

as someone pointed out, mothers day is actually when you go to visit your Mother Church - your local cathedral.

so not to do with being a mother or having one at all.

Only1scoop · 27/03/2014 11:59

And I thought Op had a sense if humour Blush

Only1scoop · 27/03/2014 11:59

'Of'

pictish · 27/03/2014 12:13

MistressDeeCee I agree with everything you just said there.

pictish · 27/03/2014 12:14

And with the OP.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 27/03/2014 12:17

Mother's Day is a difficult one. In an ideal world every mother should be able to spend the day with their children and close family around them.

But I know that my Mum will not really want to spend the day with DH's parents and if DH goes to his mum's then our family is split in two for the day! It all turns into one big stress about whose turn it is to be visited or welcomed on Mother's Day. So you get the same problems that come up every Xmas.

Fortunately for me both my Mum and Mil understand how important the day is for me.

It took me 10 years to become a mum. I once suffered a miscarriage on Mother's Day of all days after 8 years of trying to have a baby. My first Mother's Day was very special indeed. We spent it just the three of us , celebrating being a family at last.

It in also a day touched with a bit of sadness - I think about my children's birth mothers and how they are feeling. I think about my friends who have lost their mothers or of people who are desperate to have children but are struggling.