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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish so many women wouldn't get so precious and princessey over Mother's Day

260 replies

Ecclefechan · 27/03/2014 06:04

If you need one day a year for your DH and DC to show you how much they love you and appreciate you, then you've got a dysfunctional family and need to address that.

If breakfast in bed is your thing, surely that can be accommodated more than once a year on a particular day.

If you want "a break from the cooking" then maybe you should be having a conversation with your family about sharing cooking, washing dishes and going out for lunch when you want to rather than on a particular day.

Your DM and MIL do not stop being mothers just because their children have left home; so stop being so precious with comments such as "I'm the one who does the mothering", "Mother's Day should be about those who are doing active mothering", "She's had her turn". Heard every flipping year on Mumsnet (though thankfully never in real life).

Get over yourselves Grin

OP posts:
80sMum · 27/03/2014 07:30

DH has only once acknowledged me on Mothers' Day and that was when he bought me a small card when our first DC was 3 months old, i.e. on my first MD.

Every other MD has been about our own mothers, as it should be. Sometimes my children (both in their 30s now) remember to send me a card, sometimes they don't. Either is fine with me.

YANBU. I do think some people are rather too 'entitled' in their attitudes to MD, birthdays etc.

curiousuze · 27/03/2014 07:33

select haha yep - best example I've seen on here was 'I don't understand why women who have just given birth don't want to have sex! I was at it three times a day, 1 week pp!'

Such a pointless thing to feel superior about.

Original poster
Ecclefechan · 27/03/2014 07:37

I'm happy to celebrate anyone's birthday, I just don't understand the angst around being recognised and spoiled. I can indulge my family throughout the year - and I do Smile If you feel yours aren't appreciating you then sort it out now rather than hoping you'll get a lie-in this Sunday and some bath bombs.

OP posts:
TheRealAmandaClarke · 27/03/2014 07:39

Taffeta so sorry about your dad. That must be hard. I hope you all have a good day.

curious enjoy. Please tell me I'm going to start getting some sleep.
Thanks for your mum.

No birthday celebration beyond 21? In what joyless existence? Isn't that just ageist? Why would someone's birthday be not worthy of note after aged 21? That makes no sense?

Bambamb · 27/03/2014 07:40

YANBU.

My mum is like this. Every year we would try so hard to get it right and it often wasn't good enough and she would cry about her ungrateful children who don't love her as much as other children.

One year we clubbed together and ordered a really nice interflora bouquet to be delivered, and paid extra for it to arrive on the actual day rather than the Saturday (day before).
She phoned me up ON THE SATURDAY AFTERNOON in tears because nothing had arrived yet so we clearly had all forgotten about her because she apparently didn't realise they delivered on Sundays.
Made me wonder why we bothered, it ruined the surprise (I had to tell her she was jumping the gun and maybe she should wait until the actual day before making assumptions) but I bet she also thought we just hurriedly did an order after her phone call or something.
Gah! I will never be like this with my kids.

Sparklysilversequins · 27/03/2014 07:42

AIBU to wish people would stop telling other people what days they should and should consider special and how pathetic they are if they DO want to see MD or their birthday as important to them?

curiousuze · 27/03/2014 07:43

eccle do you genuinely not understand people feeling differently to you? Or are you using 'don't understand' to mean 'don't agree'?

NearTheWindymill · 27/03/2014 07:44

Traditionally mothers' day was the Sunday that fell midway between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday. It is traditionally known as Refreshment Sunday where there can be a break from the dour fasting of Lent. It was a day to celebrate and bring in flowers and have good food and wine to provide some light relief before Easter.

That's what we do here and we also have a lovely church service celebrating mothers' day too. I love being a mother and am glad it is celebrated - I had enough trouble becoming one. if my family also feel the need to write me a lovely message in a card and buy some flowers and perfume who am I to rain on their parade

My DH is going to visit his mother, flowers have been arranged for mine and dd and I have arranged some hooleys with other mothers and daughters. A lady who recently lost her mum and one who lost hers many years ago - both single parents and both women who should be celebrated and should be supported.

Original poster
Ecclefechan · 27/03/2014 07:44

"And yet I still enjoy Mother's Day. It's just a bit of fun"

that's what it should be in a loving family such as yours but, as pictish points out, on MN it has morphed into A special day where women get the chance to set their husbands a silent test to see if they can come up with the goods AND prioritise them over their actual mothers. Because remember ladies - they've had their turn and it's all about YOU now

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 27/03/2014 07:47

You sound like a sad miserable person.

BrianTheMole · 27/03/2014 07:47

What a joyless miserable person you are op. I feel sorry for you. If nobody celebrates your birthdays and mothers day and you're happy with that, then fine. Seeing as my birthday and mothers day are on the same day this year, I'm looking forward to having a long lie in and breakfast in bed. Sure that could happen any other day of the year. But it feels a little more special on birthdays Wink

Bambamb · 27/03/2014 07:49

I should add my DH usually does breakfast in bed and help DS make a card, and I love that. But I wouldn't be cross if he forgot.

DoItTooJulia · 27/03/2014 07:49

Ecclefechan, I love your username (well the edible variety) but I think you've been a bit harsh. For some women this is the only day they get some recognition for all that they do. Whether that's right or wrong, it's true and pissing on these women's parades is pretty miserable, no?

EmmaBemma · 27/03/2014 07:53

There there, Ecclefechan. That's right. The world would be a better place if everyone was more like you.

Meanwhile, in Real Life, different things are important to different people. It's really not all that hard to grasp. We don't set that much store by Mother's Day in our family but I couldn't give a shiny hoot what other people do.

bella411 · 27/03/2014 07:57

Yabnu in respect to thinking mothers should expect dh/dp to be create this special day for them and ignore the other family mothers.
This is my first md, last year dd was waiting to burst out. I dont expect a lot, just a card and a bunch of daffodils will be great. Dd is only just 1 so hasn't chosen the card or picked a present for me so it is really just Dp gettin me a present etc. And he buys me flowers, cooks me breakfast, tea in bed throughout the year.

Though I know dd and Dp have made me a card at a messy art group they go to, that will be my special thingfor mothers day and her own made cards will be for the next few years.

Dp mother lives couple of hours away but we are having a big extended family meal cooked by my dm (bless her) with my sister, sisters dh, sisters pil, sisters sil, sil dp and sil ds. So in our case it is more about the older mothers than the new ones.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 27/03/2014 07:57

select
YANBU Grin

poorbuthappy · 27/03/2014 08:02

We both work full time and have 3 kids.
99% of the time we split home/kid stuff down the middle.
For 1 day a year (mothers and Father's Day) we get to not split it down the middle.

Birthdays are days out, somewhere chosen by the person whose birthday it is.
It's just a day where you get to choose to do something or not.
Yes there is a choice for you.
And what everyone else does has naff all to do with you Grin

Amrapaali · 27/03/2014 08:02

Agree with OP. If this is the only day a woman gets recognition, something is a bit off. I always get bemused when people ask what I did on Mother's day. Though it IS lovely to receive a card from DD.

And where I grew up, we did have Children's Day. Teachers used to put on little shows for us and we got sweeties. Great fun!

Bluebees · 27/03/2014 08:05

I grew up with parents who didn't set much store by Mothers Day or Fathers Day and were pretty relaxed about the whole thing. I think this has rubbed off on me. I love it if my DCs do bother but don't worry about it if they don't and don't take it as a statement about much or how little they love and appreciate me. When women do make a fuss or insist on Mothers Day being a particular way, I don't think they're necessarily being 'princessey' but that sometimes there is some other issue that's being played out through Mothers Day. IYSWIM.
As for should Mothers Day be important or not, does it matter? Can't each individual family decide for themselves?

Original poster
Ecclefechan · 27/03/2014 08:14

Read the thread title! I'm wishing people would not get princessey and precious about Mother's Day. Not suggesting they shouldn't celebrate if they wish. I get a lie in every Sunday because DH and DD leave the house early to do sports. I'll meet up with them later. I already know they've got me a present (was told not to look in the John Lewis bag in the car last week Smile). DH does most of the cooking so he'll make tea as usual. I've already reminded DH to order flowers and send card to his Mum because it means a lot to her.

I just feel very sorry for the MNetters who really only feel appreciated by the tokenism of Mother's Day. They need to address that rather than accuse me of being bitter/joyless/sad Confused

OP posts:
TheRealAmandaClarke · 27/03/2014 08:16

It's not the "only day that women get recognition."
It's a celebration of mothers. A time to consider and be thankful for the things that our mothers do.
Celebrating or marking it doesn't mean that your have to spend the day on a lavishly extravagant celebration. Wanting to be considered on md doesn't make someone "entitled" or "princessy"

Original poster
Ecclefechan · 27/03/2014 08:18

It's not the "only day that women get recognition."

For many of the women on this thread and MN it, sadly, is - judging from what they post.

OP posts:
TheRealAmandaClarke · 27/03/2014 08:20

I'm not seeing that tbh.

Nanny0gg · 27/03/2014 08:21

I don't like breakfast in bed though (the crumbs!) and don't see the point of birthday celebrations once past 21. However, the princessey threads about birthdays are in a similar league to the Mother's Day ones.

That's nice.

You live how you want to and let others do the same.

You don't have to read the threads.

thebody · 27/03/2014 08:22

the other thread is much nicer, sad but nicer.