To think my friends drink too much?

[blanchedeveraux]

Firstly, I'd like to establish that I know it's none of my business, but a couple we are good friends with are drinking more and more every time we socialise with them and their 18 year old DS has been drinking illegally in pubs for about 3 years with fake ID and already has a huge beer gut.

Maybe I'm in the wrong but do you think this sounds like excessive alcohol consumption?

Met up at 12 noon for early lunch. Both of them drank 2 bottles of wine each with lunch. We then went to the pub (3pm by now) and by 7pm they had a further 8 pints of lager each. Me and DH were floored by this time (hadn't drunk nearly as much but were comparative lightweights). We got a cab home and I texted the following day to thank them for a good day out and asked how much longer they had stayed. She replied "Oh, we were there till midnight, I'm more lager than woman now ha ha".

Neither of them ever seem to suffer from hangovers or any obvious ill effects (although both are putting on a LOT of weight).

They are self employed and go out to the pub almost every night of the week.

They are good company and we only see them about once a month but every time they seem to be drinking more than ever.

Just wondered what others thought?

Thanks Blanche. In theory it could sort of happen to anyone really - its the kind of drug that creeps up on you and is so ingrained in our culture and so socially acceptable with so many triggers (its everywhere, you turn on Eastenders, someone is drinking beer, you watch Curb your Enthusiasm or Friends, they have a glass of wine) etc etc so if you are in the habit and your body wants it as well as your brain you really need a lot of willpower but I think it is possible to reign it in if you haven't got too far down the road and reset your thinking on the topic and make changes without the need to cut it out forever. For other people though, complete abstinence is the only way to stay out of trouble. Depends on the person really I guess everyone is different. I'm quite pleased I wasn't scared to go to my doctor and say "I'm struggling with alcohol dependence and would like a big break but don't seem to be able to get started". That's all I had to say and next thing I know she gave me all the tools I needed to get started. Doctors see it all the time, I would urge anyone who has tried to cut down or have a week or two off to be honest with themselves about their units and question whether their perceived lack of willpower is actually being led by their bodies expecting a certain amount of the drug and putting out cravings to fulfil it. If you've got to that point and like I say it can happen to people you wouldn't consider likely to be dependent drinkers, then don't be afraid to visit your doctor (this is to all the tipsy lurkers who know deep down they ought to change a few things).

Yes OP, I have read the thread, and I find your attitude pretty disingenuous - asking 'I just wanted another perspective on whether it was a large alcohol consumption' . You really don't know that?
You've posted on AIBU, but haven't asked if you are being unreasonable, so what exactly do you want out of this? I said IF they drink and drive - you've said you haven't seen them do so but you're not sure if they do the next day

I have colleagues who drink this amount regularly.

Not long ago I came back from a work trip away quite concerned about one colleague I don't know well, who is vulnerable for various reasons, but all my colleagues back at work (who know the guy much better than I do) just said it was me who had the problem (I don't drink) and that I was clearly exaggerating and that the vulnerable colleague was fine.

If they'd seen him crying into his beer at midnight after 6 hours of drinking, how yellow his eyes were, and smelt his breath in the mornings (could stun a hippo at 100 metres) they'd have known he isn't fine at all.

I tried to say something to him but he slammed a door in my face and refused to talk to me again, and I haven't seen him since.

I do think that someone has to say something at some point. It's incredibly difficult to do. But the alternative is everyone stands by and watches these people drink themselves to death.

There is only one person who can judge if someone is drinking too much and that is the drinker, you cannot stop someone from drinking no more than you can make a fat person eat less. Their time will come and let us hope sooner rather than later, then you can support them and not enable them. It is not our business what people think of us.

I know my alcohol consumption is excessive but even I couldn't handle that amount of booze - that's insane.

If they don't stop it will kill them and not before long I expect. That is a colossal amount of alcohol.

But there's no evidence at all that these people are driving while drunk. The OP hasn't seen them do it. They have employees available to drive them - and, by the sound of it, enough money for minicabs, too.

If people have decided to live in a way that is harmful to them but no one else, then they have the right to do that. I'd much prefer to hang out with happy drunks than interfering whinyarses - or zealots of any shape or form who can't leave other people alone.

Same here, SGB.

Umm, I will just point out that I've had full liver & kidney checks - all fine - and went into rehab voluntarily, stone cold sober (I drove myself there and was alcohol tested on arrival.) None of my old colleagues have liver or kidney disease; all but a very few have greatly reduced our drinking as we age. I would never advocate heavy alcohol use, but I do get a bit about all the forecasts of certain doom on threads like this.

Yes that is a lot. I'm not even sure if I've even drank that much wine ever and I like wine and used to drink a lot. On New Year's Eve myself and DP got through 3 bottles and that was definitely enough. I can't imagine adding pints on top of that too. And no hangover shows they are used to these amounts of booze.

You say you enjoy their company so if you said something it might sour things between you. If they are happy and it's not affecting their work or relationships adversely then leave them too it.

I was going to say the same garlic. Not everyone who drinks heavily gets liver disease or other alcohol related ailments. According to Wikipedia only 10-20% of heavy drinkers will go on to develop liver cirrhosis.

I would be really really drunk and very poorly if I drank all that. I am a real lightweight though.

I think it is excessive.

They are adults, they have an adult child, no evidence they are driving, meh.

as long as they remain within social acceptability then they won't change - when it starts affecting their lives - getting too drunk and being unpleasant to be around/ money/health etc they may take notice.

without being a close family member or close friend there is nothing anyone can do - maybe a hcp if the amount drunk came up - so hopefully they'll notice or closer friends / family step in before it's too late.

When a loved one dies as a direct result of alcohol abuse despite being teetotal for many years you don't forget. I know many people who have died because of drinking.

Indeed, it happens, but its not an exact science. Everyone has an Old Uncle Herbert who smoked 50 Woodbines a day and got hit by a big red bus at the ripe age of 103 or whatever. It's just a bit of a gamble and alcohol is also related to obesity (once again, not an exact science) and it was actually my own vanity and desire to be buff and totally ripped that led me to want to cut down on booze so there you go.

Agree its not always doom and gloom. I do think we are drinking more and more as the decades go on and wonder whether there will be an epidemic when our generation hits their 60s but time will tell. Might be okay?

It's like anything really - there is risk backed up by evidence based research and the rest is a bit of a lottery.

YANBU to think your friends drink to much.

But that is their choice.

Meh.

I could easily drink one bottle of wine and then go to a pub and have three or four pints as a one off, not double that though. She must be putting on a she'd loads of weight.

BTW, I am not buff nor totally ripped but still pleased I managed to reign it in and gain some perspective before things got out of hand!

Having said that it does make weight loss easier, at 7 calories per gram of alcohol its only 2 cals off drinking butter (not that you drink PURE alcohol unless you are a nutter). Its easy to get mega podgy when you drink, apart from the alcohol, its the 10pm cheese snack, and the bigger breakfast that does it too! I can get by on a latte till lunch during the week now. Perhaps that's not healthy either but I've never been a cereal kind of girl and bread gives me the shits!

I could do 2 bottles in a night, but the 8 pints on top, not a chance. However, I have just had a liver function test come back with slightly raised liver enzymes, so I'm currently on total abstinence. I say this as a binge drinker of some 20 years, getting through maybe 3-4 bottles a week, so nowhere near those levels have had an adverse effect on my liver.

It isn't just the liver. It's the heart, and not least the brain, that can suffer long term consequences of alcohol. Also fertility, sexual functioning, relationships...

maybe not doom and gloom, but not lalala not listening either.

better bugger off though before I get accused of finger wagging.

I'm sure they are aware of all this. They don't want to stop, cut down, whatever. For some reason, it's working for them. So long as they are not harming others, live and let live.

They're pickling themselves with that amount of drink. It's kind of disgusting actually but what can you do? They could well be considered alcoholics if they're addicted and need to be in the pub every night of the week. If it's not interfering in their ability to function and they enjoy their lifestyle and feel happy with it though there is nothing you can do.

The health effects of their lifestyle will be immense, even if they are not showing any current side effects like hangovers. They are drinking well beyond the advised limits of safe alcohol consumption.

As I said though, very little you can do if they're grown adults and happy with their lifestyle. No different to having a chain-smoking friend or a friend who eats a terrible diet. I just feel bad for British taxpayers who will be paying for the healthcare of idiots like this when the chickens finally come home to roost and they need a liver transplant or other major health interventions due to years of excessive drinking.