To think my friends drink too much?

[blanchedeveraux]

Firstly, I'd like to establish that I know it's none of my business, but a couple we are good friends with are drinking more and more every time we socialise with them and their 18 year old DS has been drinking illegally in pubs for about 3 years with fake ID and already has a huge beer gut.

Maybe I'm in the wrong but do you think this sounds like excessive alcohol consumption?

Met up at 12 noon for early lunch. Both of them drank 2 bottles of wine each with lunch. We then went to the pub (3pm by now) and by 7pm they had a further 8 pints of lager each. Me and DH were floored by this time (hadn't drunk nearly as much but were comparative lightweights). We got a cab home and I texted the following day to thank them for a good day out and asked how much longer they had stayed. She replied "Oh, we were there till midnight, I'm more lager than woman now ha ha".

Neither of them ever seem to suffer from hangovers or any obvious ill effects (although both are putting on a LOT of weight).

They are self employed and go out to the pub almost every night of the week.

They are good company and we only see them about once a month but every time they seem to be drinking more than ever.

Just wondered what others thought?

[blanchedeveraux]

Well, I had no intention of tutting, nagging or waving AA leaflets. I thought I'd made that clear in my OP that I accepted it's not my business. I just wanted another perspective on whether it was a large alcohol consumption or did my lightweight tendencies cloud the issue, that's all.

[Bunbaker]

SGB is right. You can't do anything. Just be busy when they want to see you if you feel uncomfortable about being with them.

[blanchedeveraux]

I DON'T feel uncomfortable with them and I want to maintain the friendship, did you even bother reading the thread?

[NurseyWursey]

SGB I agree with 100%

Why don't you feel comfortable OP, I don't think they are actually doing anything to make you feel uncomfortable, they're just drinking and enjoying themselves. It's your personal feelings on the matter that are making you uncomfortable.

[blanchedeveraux]

I've just said it DOESN'T make me feel uncomfortable. I enjoy their company and don't want to stop seeing them? Are you reading a different thread?

[NurseyWursey]

Sorry completely misread your previous post, sorry don't get angry :)

[blanchedeveraux]

Sorry, I was just getting a bit frustrated cos people were posting the opposite of what I was actually saying :)

[OurMiracle1106]

Far too much. I'm a light weight a very light weight and proud of it I can't manage more that 3 wkds without starting to feel tipsy. More than 4 is completely drunk!

[EeeIcouldCrushAGrape]

Not read all the replies, but bloody hell, that is an insane amount!
This coming from a woman who could quite easily put away 2 bottles of wine if I was having a night out.
8 pints of lager on top though AS WELL? Are you sure? It's a wonder they were still comatose if that's true.

[takeiteasybuttakeit]

OP I think you already know they're drinking too much, so I'm not sure why that is your question - of course they are. Check out www.drinkaware.co.uk/

[midnightagents]

I dont know anyone who could drink that much and i hang around with drinkers (am one myself). But no, that is so much its unbelievable. Not saying you are lying, its just a ridiculous amount.

[Bowlersarm]

OP, of course they are drinking a hell of a lot, from anyone's perspective.

2 x bottles of wine = 18 units (based on 12%, quite modest assumption)
8 x pints of lager = 18 units (based on 4%, quite modest assumption)

Assume another 8 pints from when you left at 7pm til midnight, when she said they left:-

8 x pints of lager = 18 pints

That is at least 54 units in one day.

Guideline for a woman is 2 or 3 in one day, maximum of 14 per week.

How can you possibly not see that the amount they drink would be a colossal amount from anyone's perspective?

[blanchedeveraux]

For clarity. I am not lying about the amount. That is what they drank that day. Over the years I've known them, their drinking has increased quite dramatically. That day was the most I had ever seen them drink though they'd always been able to "put it away", just not quite that much.

I care for them and do worry a bit about the long term effects of such heavy drinking. It's certainly taking a toll on their appearance and their DS is a heavy drinker at the tender age of 18.

They are nice people and seem entirely comfortable with their drinking so I respect that and accept there's bugger all I can do to change them without them WANTING to change.

I was just interested in other perspectives, that's all. Thanks for everyone's comments, I reckon it's more or less all been said now.

[NewtRipley]

OP

I don't think it is unreasonable for you to care about this. They are your friends and they are drinking way more than is healthy. Doesn't mean you can do much about it. As others say, if it isn't impacting you or other people, nothing to be done.


it is good for your friendship that they are good company. I know a few people who I avoid when they have been drinking.

[NewtRipley]

Xpost

[ohtowinthelottery]

We have some friends who are like this too - and it makes me feel incredibly sad for them. They are very overweight and as a consequence suffer from other health problems which are solely attributable to their weight. I fear for their future and their life expectancy. But like your friends OP they are lovely people, would do anything for you in your hour of need and are fully functioning intelligent adults, capable of knowing all the facts about the effects of alcohol. So there is nothing we or anyone else can do or say. Doesn't stop you worrying about them though.

[cozietoesie]

All been said? Maybe not quite.

You say you want to keep their friendship - well in my own experience, you can't have a long term friendship with an alcoholic. Not a genuine friendship.

Sure you can have a Hail Fellow Well Met in the pub of a night as long as they're maintaining, have money for their needs and haven't been jailed yet. Once they start on the downward spiral, though, it would be hell for you. Are you prepared to give them or their son house room when they're at the bottom of the cycle - with all the impact on your own family? And they'll be there sooner or later.

I'd withdraw from this relationship as soon and as gently as you can.

[expatinscotland]

They have been heavy drinkers on the decades the OP has known them.

Not all have a 'downward spiral', some just drop down dead.

She likes them she enjoys their company.

[Thetallesttower]

I have friends who drink this much, I once spend a Sat night with them and they each drank 2 bottles each from about 5 onwards til midnight, plus quite a lot of lager/spirits. I couldn't believe it, I was agog as I hardly drink. They were quite merry though, they did seem drunk, but the amount of bottles compared with the amount of people wasn't funny.

If you drink wine every night, nearly a bottle each plus drinks every single weekend your tolerance can build quite high.

In their case, they have cut back from their peak and only drink say three nights a week and once on the weekend. That's a lot but it's their choice, they work just fine and they look fine. It's more than I would drink but they seem to have moderated it a bit- plus lots of people drink large glasses of wine most nights and seem a bit oblivious to the units stacking up.

[cozietoesie]

Except that the OP has said that their drinking has increased dramatically - and recently, it seems, to gargantuan levels.

I know they can drop down dead sometimes - seen it myself - but you have three people here, any of whom could take a car out on the roads tonight and total it. (And whatever is in its path.) Or simply be stopped for a minor driving infraction and breathalysed.

There's too much potential hurt and trouble brewing on this one, I think.

[Sicaq]

I wish people would stop questioning OP about whether the amount she says they drank is correct. I can believe it. My dad (a fully paid up alcoholic) put this, and much more, away on a daily basis. I have also witnessed other people drinking that much and more.

All alcoholics. It's a bloody stupid amount to drink.

[takeiteasybuttakeit]

YABU for saying it is none of your business if they're drinking and driving

[blanchedeveraux]

^^ Again, have you actually read my thread?

[TattyDevine]

I believe you OP, there is a (hopefully small) segment of society who drink far too much. Some of the drinking I witness at dinner parties and the much celebrated "bottle count" the next day proves this. I have a friend who doesn't drink during the week but puts away a frightening amount on the weekend (lager) and he is diabetic (type one) though not overweight and its really bad for him.

That said, I am no angel and in the recent-ish past found alcohol was having less and less of an affect and I was drinking more and more to get that warm fuzzy glow of relaxation. When I was younger, if I had anything over half a bottle of wine I'd be on the floor but I got to the point where a bottle barely touched the sides and I was doing it most nights and went to the doctor and discovered I was drinking at dependent levels - also known as hazardous - and when the doctor totalled my weekly units, said that if I wanted to go cold turkey she'd be happier if I had a medical detox and prescribed me Librium on a reducing dose so I could dry out!

This was a massive eye opener and I had a prolonged period of abstinence and have now managed to resume drinking at much more sensible levels, abstaining during the week, and not going overboard on the weekend with the odd exception if there is a social thing on in which case I go with it but I have found it takes less these days which is only a good thing!

So it can creep up on you but the main point here is it was ME who took MYSELF off to the doctor because I wanted to change - that is the key here. Yes, you are right, they are headed for an early death if they don't change but you might find they do, you might find they don't, but there is naff all you can do. A word from concerned friends isn't enough for a complete lifestyle change, it takes more than that unfortunately. Its nice you care though.

[blanchedeveraux]

That's very honest of you Tatty and I'm glad you got a handle on your drinking before it got completely unmanageable.