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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friends drink too much?

160 replies

blanchedeveraux · 23/03/2014 14:00

Firstly, I'd like to establish that I know it's none of my business, but a couple we are good friends with are drinking more and more every time we socialise with them and their 18 year old DS has been drinking illegally in pubs for about 3 years with fake ID and already has a huge beer gut.

Maybe I'm in the wrong but do you think this sounds like excessive alcohol consumption?

Met up at 12 noon for early lunch. Both of them drank 2 bottles of wine each with lunch. We then went to the pub (3pm by now) and by 7pm they had a further 8 pints of lager each. Me and DH were floored by this time (hadn't drunk nearly as much but were comparative lightweights). We got a cab home and I texted the following day to thank them for a good day out and asked how much longer they had stayed. She replied "Oh, we were there till midnight, I'm more lager than woman now ha ha".

Neither of them ever seem to suffer from hangovers or any obvious ill effects (although both are putting on a LOT of weight).

They are self employed and go out to the pub almost every night of the week.

They are good company and we only see them about once a month but every time they seem to be drinking more than ever.

Just wondered what others thought?

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/03/2014 14:51

It's a lot, OP. However, quite often people who drink a lot get very defensive about their drinking if other people mention it. I don't know what you can say to them really.

expatinscotland · 23/03/2014 14:51

So, four of those, plus the cost of at least sixteen pints. Damn! Would that be a hundred pounds?

StealthPolarBear · 23/03/2014 14:54

Expat I think a bottle of cheap stuff in a wetherspoons type place is about £10 to £12. So thats probably thw absolute minimum for a pub bottlw of wine

Original poster
blanchedeveraux · 23/03/2014 14:55

We only meet up about every 4 or 5 weeks, sometimes longer. When we make an arrangement it's always for a meal and inevitably drinks. I know for a fact they wouldn't be interested in meeting somewhere like Costa for a full day or evening's social interaction (neither would I to be honest, I hate coffee!).

They are great company and because of their huge capacity for alcohol (and never ending supply of money it would seem) they never get arsey, or falling over. If you met them you would think I had drunk twice as much as them because I'm a lightweight. Not just in comparison to them...I just am, but I still like a glass of wine or two and a good laugh.

I think my concern really is that it's just become the norm for them and they are both very overweight as a result. She used to be a cracking looking woman and it's taking its toll on her.

OP posts:
specialsubject · 23/03/2014 14:56

Surprised they are good company with that much swilling. They clearly have the high tolerance of alcoholics.

They should not be driving for a day after a binge like that.

as well as getting grossly fat, they are destroying their livers.

there's nothing you can do if that's how they want to die.

PuppyMonkey · 23/03/2014 14:57

In a way, this thread has reassured me a bit that I'm not the complete lush I thought I was. I can only do one bottle of wine tops on a single night. Massive hangover the next day too.

What would happen if you said (in a loving way Grin) that you're quite shocked by how much they drink? They must know the amount they drink isn't quite normal.

cozietoesie · 23/03/2014 14:59

Well I don't know anyone who could maintain a profitable business while drinking that amount on a regular basis - and they pretty much must be or they wouldn't have still been standing when you left. So be prepared for a big collapse in their lives.

Do they have any other DCs apart from their 18 year old DS ? And where does he figure in all this?

Original poster
blanchedeveraux · 23/03/2014 15:01

Their DS works for them in their own business. He's with them all the time, it's clearly become the norm for him as well. He could drink me under the table too.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 23/03/2014 15:05

Oh Dear. And does he drive himself around as well? (As far as you know.)

Original poster
blanchedeveraux · 23/03/2014 15:06

Yup. He does.

OP posts:
ShadowFall · 23/03/2014 15:07

That's a lot of alcohol to drink in one day.

And as for drink driving - if they drank that much, then they're almost certainly still going to be over the drink drive limit the next day, which is worrying if they have a job which involves driving.

I've been told before that one of the problems with that is that someone who's had a heavy night's drinking can feel much more sober after having a good sleep, and not realise that they'd still be over the drink drive limit.

buddhasbelly · 23/03/2014 15:08

i know others have questioned the OP in the amount her friends have drunk but over time heavy drinkers build up such a high tolerance for alcohol (in the way it is metabolised etc) so what would floor a regular/social/non drinker would do very little to someone with an alcohol dependency.

do you want to say something to them OP? or are you trying to establish whether others would view their drinking as excessive?

thenightsky · 23/03/2014 15:09

A bottle of wine in wetherspoons is only £6 and I think their pints of lager and cheap too. An afternoon and evening in there wouldn't be extortionate.

I feel better about my 2 to 3 bottles of wine a week after reading this thread.

StealthPolarBear · 23/03/2014 15:11

Shock I was fleeced!!
No probably right I do remember thinking it was supermarket prices

Original poster
blanchedeveraux · 23/03/2014 15:12

I wanted to know if others thought it was excessive as I get that sometimes "your" normal or excessive differs from others. Most people on here seem to agree that it IS excessive.

I've made remarks before along the lines of "I'd be hospitalised if I drank that much" but always in a jokey light-hearted way. They always just laugh it off. I can't think of a way I can make it more serious without them telling me to fuck off and mind my own business. I don't want to lose the friendship, I really like them and me and DH always have a great time when we're out with them.

OP posts:
buddhasbelly · 23/03/2014 15:18

It is a difficult subject to approach without seeming like you are being interfering etc but then where is the line between being interfering and genuinely concerned for your friends which it seems like you are?

Reverse the situation round - if it was you that was drinking to much too often (as has been accepted by other posters), would you prefer it if your friends stood by and said nothing or that they voiced their concerns?

Original poster
blanchedeveraux · 23/03/2014 15:21

Well, if anyone can give me some ideas on how to do that, I'd be willing to listen but I reckon they wouldn't really take it on board. I suspect they know full well that they drink too much but have no desire to change.

OP posts:
NewtRipley · 23/03/2014 15:30

I'm sorry to bang on, but if I really thought they were regularly driving drunk. I'd talk to them about that. Expect to be brushed aside though, as you say.

I imagine that you'd hate to call the police about it......

GarlicMarchHare · 23/03/2014 15:32

Yeah, it's a lot! In my good old days, I had a brilliant alcohol tolerance (genetic, not trained) and, thanks to my huge expense account, often drank three bottles of wine in a day. As long as this was over lunch & evening it didn't stop me working and otherwise functioning normally. I've never driven after drinking, btw. Three bottles in one session would leave me feeling a bit crap and, when I added a few vodkas or tequilas, I'd get the odd memory blank and a hangover.

I was frantically fit in those days - I didn't gain weight, and recovered very fast from all but the most excessive nights out. A series of events led to my spending a month in rehab, where I met loads of fellow fit'n'healthy, high-achieving, functioning slaves to various substances. I hadn't realised until then just how excessive everybody's alcohol consumption was in my world.

I've really just posted this for people who say nobody can regularly drink that much - it's simply not true, though it's very dependent on individual physiologies and compensating behaviour. Obviously you can't do anything about your pals, OP, but yes, they drink too much! As they're not pressuring you to keep up with them, I can't see any reason why you shouldn't continue your friendship.

buddhasbelly · 23/03/2014 15:32

I'm not really sure either tbh how you could best phrase something without coming across as interfering especially if someone/people have no noticeable desire to change...

I can't really offer anything more constructive to say sorry Sad

Original poster
blanchedeveraux · 23/03/2014 15:50

To be clear, they never drive when we're out but I reckon they must have to drive at some point the next day in some cases when they've been drinking the night before, however, I could be wrong as they have 5 people working for them, all of whom have company vehicles.

I wouldn't be prepared to call the police without knowing for sure and I don't see enough of them to establish that. So, no, I wont be calling the police.

Thanks again everyone for your input.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 23/03/2014 15:50

Even at £6/bottle, that's a lot to blow on one day if you figure in all those pints, too.

expatinscotland · 23/03/2014 15:51

Of course they realise it's too much but as they have laughed off your comments, there's not much more you can do. They may not be driving and if that's so, it's their lives and bodies.

SolidGoldBrass · 23/03/2014 16:31

So they are pleasant company even when drunk, can afford to drink as much as they want and (to your knowledge) don't drive when drunk.

There is no need for you to do or say anything, OP. Their lives and bodies belong to them, not anyone else and if you start tutting and nagging and waving AA leaflets at them, they will drop you as a friend. If there comes a point when you begin to find their behaviour upsetting ie if they do start to become aggressive or whiny drunks (not that likely if it hasn't happened so far) then you can pull back from the friendship, but other than that, it's not your job to worry about them or try to police them.

NewtRipley · 23/03/2014 16:33

You are right SGB.