To ask DH's family not to buy unbirthday gifts?

[jaybirdsinginginthedeadofnight]

DH's family always buy the non-birthday sibling a present! I believe this takes away from the child who's birthday it is and they have to learn it's not all about them for one day of the year!

DH hasn't got strong feelings on the subject, but his family are the sort who don't talk about things that bother them for fear of offending each other! So he says it's just the way they are!

AIBU to ask them not to do it? It's DD's birthday soon and I know DS will be bought presents from GP and SIL's (x2).

I think yabu.

My family did this when I was a child, it was really nice. I never resented my brother getting a present on my birthday, it didn't take attention away from me.

It's just a nice thoughtful gesture.

Do you get your DC one as well? If so I could see it might be overload.

I always give the non birthday child a small gift , my dsil fusses a bit but accepts. I wont/dont when they get older but under 10s it seems right to me.

YANBU.

I never got a present when it was my sibling's birthday and VV. Growing up I didn't know anyone who did... It's a weird fad that I don't like very much. I totally agree with you OP, it's a (gentle) life lesson that not everything centres around you.

We did get a party bag though as a 'guest' at each other's parties... but that stopped when we outgrew parties.

I don't understand the general MN opinion if entitlement, when it comes to gifts and Birthdays/Christamas.

I think YANBU, everyone should have a day that is about them and have a day when it is about someone else.

I was always in a dilemma because my middle DD's Birthday fell on the start of the Advent, I bought small Christmas teddy's/gifts, as well as giving an Advent Calender.

I think it's fine to give gifts of sweets, but not an actual present.

A child should understand that each of them are special enough to have a day just about them.

I think yanbu for the reasons you've already mentioned, but maybe if they'll be hurt suggest it should only be a very small token..? I remember getting an 'unbirthday' gift when I was a wee one - a multicoloured Biro! I thought it was amazing but must of cost sod all! Don't remember what the birthday girl got but hopefully something a bit more impressive... :)

dunno, id let them get on with it.
maybe tell the sisters they really dont need to, but if they still want to, surely its not a big deal.
someone else getting a present wont mean the birthday child wont enjoy theirs surely?

i used to, i remember my dm doing it, but i dont expect anyone else to.i think its the parents prerogative.

No experience of this in my own family but my friends in-laws insisted that her husbands family stopped doing this as it wasn't just a small gift of a few stickers or something but a whole other gift so they didn't feel left out. Thing is they will have their birthday at some
Point & they do have to
Lean it's not all about them. Just like at parties where everyone has to win a prize she felt it's not leaving a child out but it's just part of childhood & it would end up in her DC's being spoilt & expecting too much.

My family always bought a small unbirthday gift (I was one of four siblings). Talking a book or felt tips or something - much smaller than any birthday gifts. It petered out as we grew up!

Grandparents now do the same for our DS and DD. We usually do a small unbirthday gift which really is a token.

DHs family (DH is an only) don't get it at all and think the other lot are slightly mad ... Obviously they don't do it!

DD and DS seem fine in their understanding of whose birthday it is and who gets fuss, loads of presents, party etc.

Personally I'd let it ride and explain to kids that it is a nice tradition on granny and grandads part. If the unbirthday presents are more than a token gift and they're getting three, maybe talk about reducing the size?

I don't see my nieces as often as I'd like as they live 3 hours drive away; so when I do see them they both always get a gift. If it is a birthday then the birthday niece gets a proper birthday present but they would get something anyway. I'd be upset if my SIL said not to get them anything.

When kids go to other kids' parties, they leave with a party bag; it's the same principle IMHO.

No I wouldn't do it

If the birthday child feels less special and less important because someone else got a present on their birthday that is the issue not the gift giving.

Children don't need a day where everything is all about them and other people shouldn't have nice things on that day. Children who believe that their birthday must revolve solely around them are likely to grow up into the sort of adults posting aibu that my dp only bought me 3 birthday gifts and my work colleagues only got me a card not a cake or present?

I find the concept of unbirthday gifts weird. Not sure if I'd make any noise about it though.

As in I wouldn't buy gifts for nonbirthday child, but if others wanted to I suppose I wouldn't stop them? They wouldn't get one from me for nonbirthday child though

YANBU

We wanted the children to be pleased to see GPs, not pleased to see them because they brought presents.

YANBU. I have no personal experience of sibling birthdays (only child) but my 2 DCs don't get presents on each other's birthdays. They just enjoy giving each other presents and watching them open them. And of course getting to share the cake :)

A gift as big as a birthday present is a bit unnecessary, but as Boldfunnky ribena says a smaller I don't see you often presents just fine.

That said, DC are perfectly capable of working out different family members have their own ways and not expect extra gifts from everyone.

As long as the same rules apply for all children then it's fair.
I remember being furious when a well meaning family friend used to get my brother a little gift when it was my birthday 'so he doesn't feel left out' but nothing for me when it was his birthday (because it used to fall very soon after Christmas so I would have just had gifts.)

Grasping? Yes, a little bit... But i was only 6,7,8 and I remember feeling how unfair it was!

Ugh.
Dhs family do this.
I have asked countless times that they don't, but I am of ignored.
I'm afraid I make it quite hard for them :)
Their gift for the other child is put away and brought out at a later date as a treat.

My youngest sister and I share a birthday and my parents always bought my middle sister a present on our birthday so she didn't feel left out.

I think don't sweat the small stuff. It's really, really not a big deal unless you make it one.

One of my grans did this; the other didn't. I don't think it had any lasting impact and never made me feel less/more special

YABU it's what happens in these parts and has since I was little. Big present for birthday child and small token for siblings.