To ask DH's family not to buy unbirthday gifts?

[jaybirdsinginginthedeadofnight]

DH's family always buy the non-birthday sibling a present! I believe this takes away from the child who's birthday it is and they have to learn it's not all about them for one day of the year!

DH hasn't got strong feelings on the subject, but his family are the sort who don't talk about things that bother them for fear of offending each other! So he says it's just the way they are!

AIBU to ask them not to do it? It's DD's birthday soon and I know DS will be bought presents from GP and SIL's (x2).

BabyMummy29

I'm the sort of person who can't do the "If that's what they want to do just let them in order to keep the peace" kind of thing

Well I'm guessing live with you is the not the most enjoyable of experiences then. Can you really not let trivial things go?

YANBU to ask them not to. For me it's about learning that sometimes its someone else's day and that sometimes in life you are on the sidelines watching someone else receive presents and that can be a nice experience even when you don't get something.

Also, of the spoilt children I know, receiving presents on others' birthday is a common theme...

Also, of the spoilt children I know, receiving presents on others' birthday is a common theme...

absolutely no correlation ime , so QE not exactly D. Hardly scientific on either side is it Bump

YANBU

Weird trend, if it's not your birthday you don't get presents! Whys that even a harsh lesson? You still get cake, nice food etc,

All those who support the 'un-birthday' present, what's the etiquette for when the birthday falls on Christmas Day?

Do you buy 'un-birthday'gifts in addition to Christmas presents?

Wot Usual says.

Good grief wink is life really this complicated for you??

FTR I am not saying one way is right and the other is wrong, I'm just saying it's not worth offending anyone over or getting offended about!

Nope, wotta just wondering if the un-birthday present buyers apply it to DC with a birthday on Christmas day too.

Simple question really, sorry if it caused you any offence.

My SIL did this (before she decided to ignore my DCs birthdays altogether, a card would be nice).

It annoyed me.

But the worst bit was when the birthday child burst into tears as she'd rather have had the cheap "unbirthday" present than her birthday present.

But isnt it just an example of loud grandparenting? You know, who is the best granny?

For those people saying it is trivial and parents should just suck it up - when is a parent allowed to say 'enough is enough'? All too often big disagreements are small disagreements many times over. IMO Grandparents wanting to give food/sweets/presents should check with parents first.

Nope, wotta just wondering if the un-birthday present buyers apply it to DC with a birthday on Christmas day too

That's my whole point, it's such a total non issue, so why worry? So the why the frig am I still arguing the toss

And no offence taken...you are confusing me with other people on this thread!

All too often big disagreements are small disagreements many times over

Only if/when people choose to make them so Worry It is in the gift of the OP to stop this by saying/doing nothing which is eye-wateringly the reasonable thing to do, especially as her OH favours this option. If they were agreed that this dastardly practice had to come to an end right here, right now, it might be different.

For those people saying it is trivial and parents should just suck it up - when is a parent allowed to say 'enough is enough'?

When it's something important. Okay what is and is not important is a matter for debate but surely to goodness buying GCs bonus gifts is quite clearly NOT important in the scheme of things, or am I missing something. It's far from proven (or even likely) that receiving such gifts will make the children spoilt/brattish/vote Conservative/listen to Arctic Monkeys or anything dire like that.

Well me too Usual but you and I already see eye to eye on this crucial issue!

Well if they end up voting UKIP usual don't come crying to me!!

YANBU

If it's not your birthday you don't get a present. The birthday should be about the person whose birthday it is, that's the whole point! I'd have a little sympathy for a child moaning that they didn't receive a gift on their sibling's birthday.

Me and my sister's always got an unbirthday present. It was always something quite small/cheap but it was nice. I don't ever remember being miffed that my sister got a little something on my birthday or that it detracted from my day.

'when are parents allowed to say enough is enough?'

When it's harmful to their child.

Are they doing it to be kind and thoughtful? Yes.

Is non-birthday child damaged by receipt of a small present? No.

Is birthday child damaged by seeing their sibling receive a small present?No.

Is OP's DH happy for it to carry on happening? Yes.

So a complete non-issue then.

meh waste of money IMO but it's not a capital offence so I would grin and bear it.

sure the birthday child still knows it's their day as they get lots more.

good parenting is making your children happy for each other to be happy, and like each other. so they should both be happy each has a gift.

Me and my brother were given small presents on each other's birthday when we were children.

As adults we are not selfish or grabby, we donate to a charity instead of buying each other Christmas and birthday gifts, neither of us are interested in labels or having posh cars or smart homes.

I think the message that the birthday child deserves undivided attention on their birthday is more damaging than having a family culture where birthdays are a celebration, primarily for the birthday child but also for rest of the family.

far worse things to get het up about than family members being kind to your children.

Some people think this is a non-issue but others think it is an issue. IMO it would be courteous of GPs to check first.

At what age do you stop?

I one of 4 siblings we all got something little like a book on each others birthdays, it was lovely.

I agree that good parenting is making your children happy for each other to be happy, and like each other. so they should both be happy each has a gift.

None of my siblings grew up to be selfish or materialistic.

YABU and a killjoy.

What on earth is the problem with grandparents & aunt bringing presents for the birthday girl's brother? Surely you have other guests who will bring presents only for your DD, and she will end up having many more presents than your DS.