To ask DH's family not to buy unbirthday gifts?

[jaybirdsinginginthedeadofnight]

DH's family always buy the non-birthday sibling a present! I believe this takes away from the child who's birthday it is and they have to learn it's not all about them for one day of the year!

DH hasn't got strong feelings on the subject, but his family are the sort who don't talk about things that bother them for fear of offending each other! So he says it's just the way they are!

AIBU to ask them not to do it? It's DD's birthday soon and I know DS will be bought presents from GP and SIL's (x2).

My family also used to do this and when I had my own dc I decided not to as I agree that it's unnecessary and takes away from the birthday child - plus I have 3 kids who are the only GC in my family and have loads of aunts and uncles so the level of presents is already very high.

However, I wouldn't make a fuss if anyone wanted to do it - I'd just say to the dc that's their choice and nice of them to give you a present, but not everyone will until its your actual birthday.

I can't see it matters that much personally.

Saying (in a lighthearted way) that it's not necessary is one thing. Actively trying to stop them/make it difficult is basically saying that your family traditions are more valid than theirs, IMHO.

My PIL give my DC holiday money, and sweets when we see them. My parents would never dream of doing either. Likewise there are things that my parents do for/give to the DC which my PIL wouldn't do. If I stopped one I would be being unfair, if I stopped all things which are different/unequal then it would be very sad and controlling of me, IMO. As it happens, at home, my view of "tradition" wins out more often than DH's, simply because I am more bothered about these things than he is and am more likely to do something about it .

DH parents do this - it is not something that it would occur to me to do. BUT I see that it is an act of loving GP's and I don't see the benefit in objecting - why hurt my PIL and disappoint the DC [shrug]

I guess it depends on how old your kids are. If they are too young to understand that they will get their turn on their birthday then I think Yabvu. If however they are old enough to understand then yanbu.

I did it with my godsons until they hit 6 and then explained that they were old enough to know that they would get presents on their birthday but all family and friends etc did it together so we were all singing from the same hymn sheet.

D

yabu to dictate who they can and cannot buy presents for.
It's really not a big deal...

Never ever heard of this before.

Seems utterly barmy to me. Especially if everyone in the family does it.

How new an idea is it?

PILs used to do it with DH & his sister - DB & I just waited for our own birthday. I think children have to learn that it is sometimes someone else's turn. We only had one child so no need for arguments fortunately - DH would have sided with his DPs.