to just smile and nod at friends naive views on impending motherhood...

[SqutterNutBaush]

Apparently she watched OBEM last week and laughed at how pathetic the women were because "there's no need for,all the screaming and crying drama FFS" and she won't need a section because she doesn't like needles.

Her baby will stay at home with DH 5 days after birth so she can return to college as there's no need to delay, surely they can cope without a feed for 3 hours even though she wants to BF.

The baby will go in its own room from birth and it won't be a hassle getting up "what twice a night?".

The scan dates are DEFINATELY wrong because they are showing the baby as normal sized when her DH was hugely long at birth so "we've only bought 3-6 months clothing to prove them wrong"

My personal favourite "we've didn't see the need to buy a pram with seat bit so just got a carrycot one second hand as by the time she outgrows it around a year she can just walk with us"

I think there is a huge difference between "we'd like to sling so won't buy a pram yet" and "My baby will NEVER go in a pram and will walk by 1"

One is a realistic preference with a nod to the fact that things may change.

The other is fruit loop territory.

It wont delay recovery if you are physically fit as its not even as heavy as your baby bump was imo. I dont believe the whole rod for your own back thing and used slings and co slept. I didnt let her only sleep on me though as she would sleep anywhere and the sling meant she rarely cried unless for milk until 6 months.

Hehehe it's so funny when first time mums are so deluded.

Skiinggardener exactly! We just never got around buying a pram and I just never felt the need too because I got on well with the slings but there wasn't any stubborn attitude behind it. (Btw my first one had a pram but then we lived in the city in a ground floor flat, so different circumstances)

Regarding recovery, I personally struggled with bending down to pick baby up more than carrying it around, but everyone is different

The walking at 1 year old thing is the part I find most amusing. Her baby may not even be able to walk, never mind everywhere!

Pmsl

Gosh your friend does have some high expectations!

I found a big flat pram invaluable for changing dc in when out if no baby changing facilities about, and for keeping all the essential gear I thought I would need for a 30 minute walk:) plus prams can be tippy with bags hanging on them, and bending down to the basket underneath was a but difficult as I had had a cs.

I had planned a water birth with music and candles, no pain relief and the power of positive thought. I had an emcs and didn't even see the birthing room. I had no clue the baby would be wanting feeding every two hours and he would feed for so long, and by the time I had changed him, settled him, had a wee, got back into bed myself etc it would be time for me to feed again.

I was bizarrely disappointed when dd arrived and was very easy compared to ds. I had planned for the worst:)

I have actually come across a handful of babies who could walk well before they were 1 yr old (and many, many more who couldn't, of course).

But their parents still used pushchairs / baby carriers when out.

Presumably because the walking 1 yr olds either lacked stamina and would need a carry at some point, or would run off to look at interesting things instead of toddling obediently alongside the parents.

Even if your 1yr old could walk unaided, are you not going to take ages to get anywhere?

Prams are great for sleeping babies when you're out. They sleep, you sit and drink coffee! (I was always a bit paranoid I'd spill it on her head when wearing the sling)

But you don't need one. There's a fair number of umbrella type pushchairs that you can use from newborn if you don't want a travel system but end up not just using a sling.

Watch your friend OP, she may have a nasty shock and she'll need help and a shoulder to cry on.

Prams are great until they start wanting to sit up and look around at 4 months or so. Ds4 could walk at 1 but if i took him out without a pushchair id never get anywhere

all of mine walked/climbed/ran at 9-10 months but there was no way they would have walked everywhere. it would have taken ages and even at 3 ds2 still runs off in shops, its a nightmare trying to look at stuff and stop him running off, grabbing things off shelvs
anyway where would i have put the changing bag, spare clothes, shopping, teddy, toy of the day, umbrella, library books, wellies, coats etc etc
oh how i miss having a buggy! i'm just a pack horse now!

Saw this thread yesterday and can emphasize. I had a high needs baby (colic, allergies, reflux, horrendous sleeper, literally un put downable for 7 months). My first, so a shock to the system. I never thought it would be easy but nothing could have prepared me for her!

Likewise I had several "friends" (acquaintances really) who took great joy in attributing my daughter's challenging ways to my poor parenting skills. Their little angels were sleeping through the night by 2 weeks old, took nice long naps all day, rarely cried, and were happy to wiggle on a playmat or sit in a bouncy chair for hours on end while mum had coffee with friends or cleaned the house. All down to superior mothering and good routines, you see. Needless to say, we drifted apart...

On the plus side my closest friend also had an easy baby, and had nothing but sympathy for me. No judgement, totally understanding and lots of help in the early days. Now that's a true friend!

I don't think anyone on here is being negative or spreading gloom, the woman has got some daft ideas. Baby in own room from birth particularly worries me, especially as the excellent reasons for sharing a room should have been explained at her ante natal classes.

She might well have a dream baby, but she seems to have some misguided ideas.

Look, maybe I'm in a bad mood at the moment, but no, she's not naive. She's thick, and has followed the route of "uninformed opining". This is probably her attitude to life in general. And this time, not only is she going to suffer (don't particularly care), but if she's particularly bloody-minded, so may the baby. It is not particularly unusual for newborns to physically need to be fed more often than three hours, is it?

And no. I'm not bitter. Every single one of my pre-birth choices worked out perfectly from using a sling instead of buying a double pushchair, breastfeeding until two years old, to co-sleeping with a bedside cot, etc. Difference is, all my decisions about I wanted to do were based on having actually read about babies and having observed them. I considered options available and thought about what I thought would suit us. And although I answered questions about my plans quite matter-of-factly (and got patronising looks about it), I didn't go round making derisory remarks about pushchair use, or anything else. Certainly not people being in pain! Has she no empathy at all? What the fuck in wrong with her?

Learning to be clingy, indeed. If you can't cope with the idea of a baby wanting to be held, why the fuck have one? Contraception exists. Someone who watches women in labour and laughs at them deserves no sympathy whatsoever. But for the [i]baby's[/i] sake, I hope she gets a very low needs baby.

Someone who watches women in labour and laughs at them deserves no sympathy whatsoever. But for the baby's sake, I hope she gets a very low needs baby

This sums it up, for me. Please do whatever you can ( and you do sound like a good friend), to help her, when reality bites.

Any chance you could come back and update us OP when some of the notions have been updated?

When I had DS 23 years ago I had no idea about babies at all. I was 16, planned to have him adopted (see my other thread, he moved out today :( and :) !) so when I took him home I literally didnt not have a clue.

And that was good! It meant that I just rolled with the punches. I got it wrong sometimes but basically if he cried it meant he wanted something so I just had to figure out what the something was.

DD1......totally different story! This was 7 years later and I knew what I was doing! Oh boy, did I know! So. Planned a home water birth, EBF until she was ready to stop, bought a pram with suspension so she wouldnt be jostled around (this was pre internet, the only slings were babybjorn or I would have slinged, definitely).....you name it.

Birthed in hospital, drugged up to the eyeballs and epiduraled. I had no BF support so after looking at her and see blood in her mouth from a feed I gave up at 3 weeks. I did use the pram but it was crap quality (despite costing £400+ in 1997) so I ended up with a stroller later on. And she had colic. So although she did sleep through at 6 weeks as her brother had done, she screamed from 5pm to 11pm every night first and I think only slept that long out of sheer exhaustion.

I felt an utter failure and got severe PND, and my then DH was also utterly unhelpful and unsupportive. Keep your eyes open OP, she may very well need you. And may need you to insist on helping, I didnt want to admit I had been wrong or that I was struggling and that made it so much worse.

With my youngest four I have had the view of "What will be will be!" and rolled with the punches as I did with DS1. I had a mixed bag with them, but I coped so much better as a result.

I just want to qualify what I said about not having a clue. I literally didnt. He was the first baby I had held. I read no books and attended no classes because a) I didnt know I was pg til 6 months b) concealed it until a few days before I birthed him and c) I wasnt keeping him so I didnt need to know how to care for him.

I recommend not reading any books!

Just wanted to say I sling my gigantic 4 month old and have done exclusively since birth. I hate using my pram, bought it as a "just in case" thing and have only used it for shopping when I tied DS on me and put the shopping in the pram. I can do everything with my son tied to my back (make dinner, housework etc). It genuinely is the best thing I have ever bought.

I thought I would sling. In fact I had lots of different ones ready and plans for the local slingmeet etc... but my DS just hated them, every single one we tried. He liked to be carried looking out to the world.

I was going to have a water birth... but discovered I was in the 5% of women who can't (labour stopped dead and then loads of syntocin etc.)

Oh and I was going to be the breastfeeding queen! I was even going to donate milk for women who couldn't... but had a terrible PPH and baby with tongue tie which meant it took weeks to sort us both out (and I could never fully breastfeed and always had to top up)

I think the rude awakening has done me a huge favour! It has definitely been character building...

wow didn't expect so many responses! I was worried that I was just being bitter but apparently not.

I had my eldest at 19 and did have some thoughts, that were shot down but nothing so rediculous, friend is 27 and the last of our group to have a baby so she should have seen/heard a lot of differing behaviours but obviously that must be down to parenting in her eyes. She also works in a nursery so plenty of experience.

As fir laughing at OBEM I was rather pissed off about that and rather shamefully I told DP,that I hoped she had a difficult labour and that someone points out how pathetic she sounds if she dares whimper. Of course I don't mean it but you get the sentiment.

I'm sure she will see son enough and whilst I will be thinking told you so I wouldn't dare say it Abe will do the best I can to help if she needs me.

My personal favourite "we've didn't see the need to buy a pram with seat bit so just got a carrycot one second hand as by the time she outgrows it around a year she can just walk with us"

DS walked at 11 months. Across the front room.

To the shops and back? No. Not a chance!

She's in for a long, hard shock.

:(

The poor girl is really going to suffer when the reality is no where near her expectations.
She doesn't want a clingy baby....what's she going to do when the baby cries for 6hrs a day, has a growth spurt and needs to cluster feed?

I agree that she sounds pretty unpleasant and judgemental. Wouldn't want her working in my DC's nursery.

Hope things work out for her DC.

She may just switch opinions but remain as judgmental as ever - just with new opinions. Won't be any nicer though.

Why are you friends with her, OP? You sound nice.