to just smile and nod at friends naive views on impending motherhood...

[SqutterNutBaush]

Apparently she watched OBEM last week and laughed at how pathetic the women were because "there's no need for,all the screaming and crying drama FFS" and she won't need a section because she doesn't like needles.

Her baby will stay at home with DH 5 days after birth so she can return to college as there's no need to delay, surely they can cope without a feed for 3 hours even though she wants to BF.

The baby will go in its own room from birth and it won't be a hassle getting up "what twice a night?".

The scan dates are DEFINATELY wrong because they are showing the baby as normal sized when her DH was hugely long at birth so "we've only bought 3-6 months clothing to prove them wrong"

My personal favourite "we've didn't see the need to buy a pram with seat bit so just got a carrycot one second hand as by the time she outgrows it around a year she can just walk with us"

I would also like to add that I don't think being optimistic in your plans for your newborn necessarily means that you will develop PND. It could do of course, but not a certainty.

If you give that kind of message midwives should be saying to pregnant women just how terrible and hard work it is to have a newborn, and that they should get any positive plans out of their heads now to avoid developing depression.

I dont think it means you will get pnd. It probably means you have more experience with babies and know not to make a massive meal out of it.

I think her views on the birth and the strong way in which she has expressed her sentiments are what have got me going

I bf exclusively, ds1 never took a bottle. I went back to uni 10 days after birth. dh and I did a lot of baby swapping in the corridors and I'd sit and feed outside the classroom before handing him over to dh and going in.

bless her, none of that is too bad really, we've all been there to some extent. If you've not been around babies and small children then you dint know. You get told that a baby feeds every 3 to 4 hours and that newborns just feed, poo and sleep so I understand jet thinking the baby will only be up twice s night etc. She will laugh at herself in time.

The OPs friend may well be one of the lucky ones on the other hand reality may be different to her expectations. She may be at her naivety or could struggle. Depending on her personality she may struggle to admit her ideas were off beam!

I had friends who had been optimistic, had easy, to plan, births, chilled out 'good' babies...they were at my obvious different situation and I felt judged and that it just was me, until it got so severe I thought they were all liars and in denial and they all hated their babies as much as I did, hindering my recovery and parenting.

YABU as this mother is at high risk of PND if her reality is so out of sync with her expectations of herself.

YANBU, because to be quite honest even if you spoke up she probably wouldn't listen. Maybe she will get a more balanced view in antenatal classes.
I wouldn't worry about small baby clothes, they are a very popular gift and she'll probably get loads.

She sounds a bit thick tbh. Buy some new born sleepsuits for a gift? We were told that our baby would be big so I had upto a month, we had to go to buy newborn sleepsuits when baby arrived weighing 7.1lbs.

I have a friend who is adamant that they won't stop jogging/working out hard in the gym when pregnant and another who is adamant that you don't need to avoid anything when pregnant, especially not veined cheese, she plans to eat loads. Swears that her mother was the same (incidently who had multiple miscarriages).

I am sure she will deny making these comments once baby comes along.

Jogging and working out again is fine whilst pregnant if you are doing what you have previously done. You just arent allowed to undertake new regimes or major lifestyle changes if you are unfit/overweight.

I worked out up until the day before I gave birth. It isn't impossible! Having said that, OP's friend does sound a bit thick - a one year old walking around everywhere with her instead of going in a pram? Good luck with that!

Oh dear. Sounds like she could be in for a nasty shock when the baby turns up. She might get lucky with some of her expectations, but all of them?

Sounds like she's not prepared to listen to any warnings that things may turn out differently though.

I remember my SIL going out to john Lewis days before she gave birth and buying size 6-9 months because "the tags are wrong, there's no way baby will fit 0-3 months". Then she had the baby, 6lb 3oz and her DH was immediately sent out to get preemie clothes as 0-3 were even too massive!!! Ha, I still laugh with her about that one.

I have 6 dc. I've been doing this parenting stuff for nearly 25 years.

Dc1 was & still is the most easy going person I've ever met. I actually joke I should valve stopped at him as I thought I knew how to parent.

I knew Jack Shit!

I've had 3 water births. I've never used more then gas & air. I've given birth in silence. I screamed my head off with dc6. Labour was 1 hr & 20 min. Hideously painful & too fast.

I've had baby's i couldn't bf. I'm EBF dc6.
I've had baby's that fed every 4 hours. Some fed every 2 hours. Dc1&2 slept through the the night from 6 weeks. I wish dc6 would!

The point is no one knows how it's going to be. It's not a competition. There are no prizes ...

My lovely friend bought three babygrows to prepare for her baby's arrival. One to wear, one in the wash and one clean in the drawer.

Just reading through comments and would like to say that I have no intention of saying I told you so if her expectations are wrong, I have stuff on hand waiting to help het out if needed.

I'm glad some of you do have dream babies but I would like to add unless you've had a high-needs naby you've no idea how frustrating it is to have someone banging on that their child will be perfect because they will do everything opposite of what you do.

I'm not saying people should be doom and gloom but I don't necessarily think its healthy to look down your nose at people who scream in labour, babies who are still in pushchairs at 1 (she has np intentipns pf buying a smaller pushchair to last beypnd that) or peoe who have clingy babies.

Bless her naivety

however I know someone who was told she was having a tiny baby so she opted for a birth ball n no pain relief 10 mins of push she squatted and out he came all 10lbs 6 of him n she was only 5ft and a fag end

is not just first time mums though...I have a few friends who are onto not and seemto have blocked much from their minds. classics such as Oh I'll try to get about five hours per day to spend quality time with toddler and hubby and booking a girls night out for a month after birth! madness

she's doesn't sound naive she sounds fairly horrible to be honest.

I think the worst thing about your friend is that she's already seeing things as a competition and how she's going to be a better mother- she's not going to scream, she's going to make her child walk, she's not going to have them in her bed etc.

I do believe some babies are genuinely easy-going and really little trouble at all, I have a couple of friends who had a first like that and they really were easy little things. However if you treat mothering like a competition and everything that deviates from your plan as a failure, then you are going to find it very stressful indeed.

I would smile and nod. She could have an easy baby, you never know! She will find stuff out for herself soon enough. I had a doom and gloom friend and I think that she was secretly quite disappointed when I had a 'good' baby who bf every 3/4 hours for an efficient 20 mins and slept well too. Babies are all different and it's not helpful to try and over dramatise it. However I agree that the best idea as you say it to be prepared to help and not say told you so if she does have a nightmare.

I woke up at 5am this morning in a blind panic because DS had not yelled for his usual nightly feeds. He is 9 months old....

I hope your friend has a dream baby. Even with research, preparation and a "do whatever works" approach, my pfb was a huge shock to the system. The only thing I would do is drag her along to a breastfeeding group, so she has support on hand, if she needs it later. It may also disabuse her of the notion a bf newborn only needs to feed every three hours!

Have I missed how far gone she is?
Has she attended any classes?

I had a dream baby first, and could have done all that she has said she will but I certainly wasn't expecting it.
Then I had ds, I was so looking forward to it

do not say anything just smile and wave, smile and wave, perhaps a quiet hollow laugh.
that poor deluded woman is all i can say.

My youngest is only 1 and still wakes every 2-3 hours nightly she's seen that but stated she couldn't be arsed with that hassle and I've invited her along to my local BF group unfortunately thigh she lives half an hour away by car and write rural so I'm not sure if there's one nearer her but I think I may look into things like that for her and compile a little list of groups just incase she needs them.

I remember thinking that BF group was all a bit pointless "why would I want to sit with a bunch of people when they only common factor we have is whacking our boobs out?" cue 10 weeks later scrambling in to those very people for reassurance that I was doing it right despite being told she should be sleeping through, obviously not getting what she needs, just give her a bottle blah blah blah :o

The worrying thing is she might try and press on with some of these things anyway (baby in own room, not getting up in night with it, letting the baby to without food for 3 hours at 5 days old).

She sounds actually quite dim.

I had a friend who when her baby was 3 weeks old did controlled crying to teach her to sleep through the night. She basically wouldn't tend to her baby between 11pm and 6am, she would just let her scream. Apparently even though it 'broke her heart' to listen to her, it was the only way she'd learn. :( I couldn't stay friends with her.