To ask, if you could go back in time to your lowest point...

[newsecretidentity]

and say one thing to yourself-- what would you say?

you survive this x

this is the last terrible thing before things get really good

Shrug nonchalantly

And empty the bank account

Buy Microsoft shares

"you poor poor poor thing. Cry all you want and don't let anyone tell you you always have to be strong"

LEAVE. No job is worth waking up with suicide on the brain for. Just leave.

Things will change, they'll get much, much better and as unlikely as it seems, you won't even remember the pain you feel now.

^^ yes this, totally!

I reached my absolute rock bottom at the beginning of September last year - years and years of untreated depression coupled with the breakdown of my marriage and I couldn't see any way forward.

With help, lots of it, and amazing medication, I am recovering better than I ever thought possible. No way I could've envisaged that I would be at this point back then.

This too shall pass...and you will survive :)

Don't worry, one day soon you will leave him.

Go to the Doctor. Its not that scary, and the pills work.

It gets so much better - more than you'd possibly believe right now.

you will be Happy again.it won't be the same kind of happy but you will be happy.

I would laugh and say 'you stupid cow you really thought that it/he was that important!'

My divorce.

Tell someone you need help.

Jon

I did that, but i still wish i'd asked for help before then.

Yes he is autistic - and severely - it will change your life in many ways - bad AND good. It will become your normality rather than something scary. He will still be happy, smiley & very affectionate & he will make you very proud.

Hold on you're going to be okay.

Nothing at all. What do you say to yourself as your child loses her struggle to live, because the lowest point was the night my daughter died. My life is RUINED. No matter how far I go, no matter what happens, I will never, ever be fully happy again. I can fake, and do, and in time there is even the chance of contentment and certainly a measure of peace, but I know from everyone else much farther down the line, it is never as happy as it was when they were here. Everything is tinged.

Let him go. He doesn't love you. You deserve someone who does.

Your autistic boy will speak to you. He will call you mummy. He will ask for things. Potty training may take a while longer. You will accept this life you can't bear to think about now. The world won't always be grey like it is now. It will become a new norm.

In the NICU, I wish I could have known he would walk and talk and sing 'I love you, Mummy' all the way to nursery.

Oh shit Expat, it's so unfair.

Nobody has the right to force you into this. Don't do it just walk out of the hospital and go home.

Oh god Expat. Cross posted. I wouldn't have posted after reading yours - because there can't be a lower point than that ever. I'm so sorry for your loss.

You need to start thinking an awful lot more of yourself.

'Do not actually have a baby with the man who just told you you 'should be over it' 10 days post MC.

Only I wouldn't because our DD is amazing and lovely and expects better, thanks to you leaving me and me providing her with a better father fugure.

Expat, just no words.