To ask, if you could go back in time to your lowest point...

[newsecretidentity]

and say one thing to yourself-- what would you say?

ICanSeeTheSun - I can fully understand expat's response. My mother died aged 21 41 years ago this year. My GPs have NEVER got over it. She wasn't even a child. My aunt died a couple of years ago. But she had children and grandchildren and had lived a life. They are sad about her too. It's not right to outlive your children, but it is totally different. Appearing strong is no measure of anything.

Don't give up, never give up. Keep on keeping on.

expat xx

me - yes, they took your baby at birth. but you fight with everything you have and 258 days later your baby comes home to you. you do it, against all the odds. every time the pain of being separated from him hurts so badly you can hardly breathe, you grit your teeth and keep going girl because he comes home to you in the end.

You know you're right, hold your head high and stop getting reeled in. Silence is golden.

I think I'm having mine now -lost job and career and have no idea what the scary future holds. Trying to go with my dad's mantra - "nothing matters much, and most things don't matter at all" , but it's tough.

I've always been a teacher. Now I'm not. Fuck.

BS?! Lost a kid then? One who dreamed of having a family, maybe going to college, getting through college, then they didn't make it.

I don't expect anyone to understand. I hope they never do.

It is a loss that cannot be qualified in any good way, and an entirely different loss.

But hey, sling them arrows. People like me are well used to it.

People were and still are, pressured to show no emotion, ICan, to appear 'strong'. Even now.

You can't save him. You can only save yourself and you deserve so much better. Walk away and never look back.

Get the help you need now or this will continue to affect you. Shutting it off won't make it go away.

I think I am at the point where I'm suddenly realising the help I need NOW. I can't actually deal with life...I want to hide away like the big fat useless idiot that I am.

So I guess looking back on this I'd tell myself not to be so pathetic...

Of course they are expat.
My great gran asked me to read yhe notice f4om the paper for her daughters death, she wss housebound and blind, she only allowed a tear down her cheek. She outlived all her children apart from one out of six.
Stiff upper lip fucking wonderful, poor woman must have been destroyed.

You don't need to die, just change your life, you will happy and content with your life honestly. you will feel loved ?

Inside, they are! They just seem not to be, trapped.

Sorry to you all who have experienced so much loss and also those feeling so low as to nearly end it all :(

No words

I would tell myself that I won't always be single and lonely.

Of course people are loved and that's probably all that keeps them here today, but to live with that huge spear of pain every waking moment and staying so you dont inflict it on another that you love must be fucking rough (sorry cant think of a good expression)

"You won't believe this now, but this is the best thing that could have happened to you right now. And yes- you're going to be okay, and more importantly, THEY will be okay."

All I can say is im extremely grateful for my life now and will fight tooth and nail to keep what is a normal mundane life.

You're not wrong, this is outside the norm. Please don't let it be your new norm. Set a boundary and if things go beyond that, protect your child.

Stop starting fights. Stop seeking lesser pains to distract you from the big one.

It will get better if you let it.

"You are important and therefore matter"

"You are not responsible for your mum's hardship. You did not ask to be born"

"One day, boys will notice you. You are not a freak/ugly/lanky/undesirable/frigid"

"Refuse to attend school then the council will have to transfer you"

You are loveable, and one day you will be truly loved.

Believe.

It's ok to laugh.
It's ok to smile.
It's ok to be scared.
It's ok to cry.

Because it's ok to be you