To ask, if you could go back in time to your lowest point...

[newsecretidentity]

and say one thing to yourself-- what would you say?

Expat, no words.

Mine: You will get out of here more or less intact, you will recover your sanity, you will have the security and freedom you long for. But you must not believe that all this won't go with you. So be brave now, speak to someone and tell them everything.

Expat x

Be brave, you will have a new job in a month, just hold it together and stand your ground!

And also, it's not and never should be embarrassing or a dirty little secret. You and everyone else shouldn't be ashamed, only him. And whatever he says, he can't hurt you if he's locked up. Don't listen.

When i was 21 i made a half hearted attempt to take an overdose. If my twenty one year old self would listen I would say.

This is your lowest ebb downing a whole pack of painkillers in a street and no one seems to notice or care. It will never be as bad or touch wood you won't feel this out of control again, but this will scar you and shape a lot of what happens subsequently. You will be more stable but will be sadder than you were before.

Don't do it.

You will regret it for the rest of your life.

Expat and Mrs

I honestly believe I'm at my lowest point now, I'm struggling to see past my problems and feel like I'm stuck so some of your words are helping me now.

Expat - so very sorry. My amazing lovely nanna lost her DH (my grandfather, well before I was born) DD (my aunt, one month before I was born) and her DS (my wonderful father, when I was 14). She was left on her own but she still woke up every day and was glad to be alive. She had a zest for life, yet it was only another 4 years after my dad died that she sadly went too. I know she felt her losses every single day but I hope that you, like her, eventually find that peace and can enjoy yourself again. She was an amazing woman, she pushed herself through these losses and came out the other side. I'm sure you are just as amazing.

I wouldn't say anything but if I could I would give my past self a photograph. A dated one of my little girl.

I always remember being in hospital after my D&C after a MMC for the second time and thinking "I just wish I could see one year into the future and see if I'm happy"

If I could have looked exactly one year ahead from that day it would have been my DDs due date.

Expat ?? Mrs devere ??

I would say it may all seem like too much to take it right now but your baby will be perfect to you.

Things always work out in the end.

Dont take it out on dp its not his fault

You do enjoy yourself, Everything, but believe me, losing a young child or teen or young adult who never grows to do the things they wanted to do is a very different and horrid grief. And when you are not very old yourself . . .

Zest for life has little to do with it.

There is no other side. There really isn't. You just wear a masque.

He will get better
Stop crying
This will impact the rest of your life, be ready for it

One day you will look at her and not know how you dont burst with love and pride.
Go out for dinner or lunch with dh more on your own. Twice a year is not good for either of you
you are also a bloody brilliant mother, and she wouldnt be who she is without you

Expat cowards way to talk to you but the bs

Know that your mum loved you and was proud of you.

best I manage

Mine is very similar to DaisyOchains post.
I'd show myself the scan pics of not one, but two, beautiful healthy babies, the loves of my life that docs said i'd never have.

Expat i don't understand your response, it look like EverythingsDozy has lost her father when she was 14 and her nan at 18.

my nan has buried 3 of her son's due to muscular dystrophy, she has always shown no emotion and to everyone appeared strong

Everyone knows already, so just speak up.

What I did say to myself, though, was that I was bigger and better than what I was going through and that I'd shake it off. I'd say I was 99% right.

You are going to meet the must amazing man who will finally make you feel happy and loved, you will never worry about him being uncaring or drunk or spending money on shit, you will be that woman you've always been envious of.
Your life will be full of laughter and fun with him.

I would say "believe me ,you won't even be thinking about this in a few years time ". However ,at the time any problems seems a hundred times worse.

I would tell myself that one day I would have a beautiful son and daughter and a secure plsce to bring them up and enough to be 'normal', even being told im stuck up at times.
Thats instead of trying to kill myself by accidental overdoses or being on the streets, I so love normal. Its wonderful.
To those that have lost their beautiful children, im so sorry there are no words.

Two low points.

DS2 may be autistic but you'll never love him less for it.

You will survive this, he's never been worth it. You are strong and he is weak. So what if he seems to have everything. Forget him.

Stop shutting out the world, even if you don't want to worry then tell others. They care and are worried. Talk to them they can help and will worry less.

No not every work place is like this- get out!!
Taking time off work is not the end of the world.

In 6 months time your life will be totally different, and the last 6 months will have made you stronger and seem like a scary dream that never happened.