to ask if your dp gave you a gift after the birth of your child

[seventeensecondslater]

Ok, it's been a rough year. Dp lost a parent. I had 4 failed cycles of fertility treatment and then - amazingly, a 5th that worked and we have a ds who is a few weeks old.

The thing is, we - dp and I - seem to be having the same conversation over and over again - that is - I talk, he says sorry, and then nothing happens. As I was going through each treatment, and when the first 4 failed, I kept telling him that I was feeling almost bereaved, really emotionally vulnerable and that I needed his support and for him to make me feel loved - keep telling me and make sure i have lots of little treats etc so that I know he's thinking of me. Well, nothing happened. He effectively, buried his head in the sand. Then, in the last few months of pregnancy, I was hormonal, exhausted and emotionally up and down and I really needed his support and guess what?

So, we had quite a traumatic labour - really fast and painful dilation and the pushing bit was so fast that ds was out in less than 15 mins, not breathing and we were all totally shell shocked. The thing is - am I feeling a bit entitled here? - I was hoping he'd at least get me a bunch of flowers after... ...he did a week and a half later (from tesco!) but he said he was waiting to see if someone else sent us some first - how lame is that? And he bought our other birth partner a lovely, expensive bunch of flowers the day after he got me some from tesco.

When I had a go at him, he said, sorry - again! - and later on that week, he bought me a small cake from our local bakery. Later on that day, he said he made a mistake and he should have taken one from the shelf below because they were half price!!! And later on that week, we went shopping and he bought me 2 books - I was really touched. And then he said 'it's ok, they were only a pound each!'

I know I sound really hung up on material things here - but it's really not about the money - it's about the fact that I feel really devalued at the moment and I need to feel that I am worth more than a half price cake or a cheap book. Is it unreasonable to want to be able to point to something and say - yes, dp bought that for me on the birth of our child to show me how much he loves me???

A LIZARD! snort apocolaypse did you give birth to a small anaconda?

How on earth does someone go to buy milk and end up with a lizard?

Call me strange but I got a baby....

I may be wildly reading this wrong but all I hear is what can you get out of this. What about dh? What's he need? Maybe he shows love by gosh wild thought, paying the bills, sorting practical stuff, which might sound mundane but by taking care of practical he might view that as taking care of his family? But you want what? Sounds more materialistic than a hug which I'm afraid I don't get.

Wow. Honest answer you sound really entitled, high maintenance and need to grow up. I thi k uab totally u.

I also got loads of flowers when I was in hospita and as it was my first (and only) and a csection I was in for 4 days and he brought in loads of fruit and magazines.

He also bought every newspaper published in the UK on the day of the birth (ok,not The Star and the Sport) Our son was born on the day after the invasion of Kuwait so headlines were exciting.

DC1-
DH bought me jewellery
My parents bought me jewellery
My siblings brought me jewellery
My PIL bought me a beautiful floral display from florist- looked amazing in the background of the photos
My best friend bought me a Neal's Yard set
Work bought me Sanctuary smellies

DC2
DH nothing
Parents nothing
Siblings nothing
PIL £3 supermarket white largedaisy type flowers- into hospital so took home anyway
Best friend nothing
Work Next toiletries

Very spoilt 1st time- hardened mother 2nd!!

I don't have any sympathy to be honest, can't understand why you'd expect lots of gifts and think it all sounds abit spoilt and bratty.

You've just had a baby for goodness sake, surely you have more important things to stress about?!

Don't get me wrong, I expected a lot from my husband after I gave birth, he got up for every night feed for the first two weeks even though I exclusively breastfed just to keep me company and support me, he was generally amazing and wonderful with other everyday things and I'd have expected nothing less.

But he didn't buy me one gift and two years on it has never even crossed my mind that he should have! You asked if you were being unreasonable and in my opinion you really are!

I got a waitrose carrier bag containing pate, crackers, several varieties of stinky cheese and a small bottle of wine. Oh, and he kindly popped to m&s and braved the purchase of a multipack of giant black cotton granny pants for post c-section comfort, then to boots for some wind-eeze .

Oh, and a baby.

I wonder what the husbands/partners are saying.. after all, surely the dads deserve a present as well?

I got flowers, champagne, chocolates and house cleaned and tidied. DCs 1 and 2 got the times and guardian, best selling book and number 1 CDs (rock, pop and indie). All done on zero sleep following the labours. I was very touched.

Would have loved some jewellery but we didn't have the money it's not DH's style. He has lots of other wonderful qualities.

I think if you feel loved, supported and appreciated then lack of gift shouldn't matter.

Present from dh after giving birth? No, didn't even realise that was a thing.
He did bring me in a pair of pajamas from home- that was nice of him.

I do think a lot of you are being very hard on the OP. She has had a hell of a year, a birth that left her feeling shocked, exposed and raw, and her baby is only a few weeks old. I was mad as a box of snakes at that point, and upset by my DH doing....just about anything really.

Yes, her DH has had a hell of a year too. But immediately after giving birth I wasn't so good on supporting others either. I was just a bit of an emotional mess for a bit. Like PMT squared, and squated again...oh and again! (And maybe just one more time for good measure). Heck, I could barely finish full sentences...I was very definitely Not Myself.

Can't we be a little kinder to someone who needs some TLC after birth?

Well I can understand your view on this, you're not saying u want diamonds but u want to feel valued and appreciated...

It's a big adjustment on a relationship having a baby and 'couple time' can go out the window..I've felt with both my LOs some anxiety about being so focused on baby that I needed reassurance from hubs about 'us' however like the majority, I feel that when he brings me a cuppa in the morning/cuts up my dinner when I'm failing to manage with one hand whilst feeding bubs or just telling me I'm doing ok ....

Don't be too hard on yourself and hubs

A gift for what?

Apparently it's called a push present.for popping a wean oot?sounds agricultural

A gift for what?

Yeah for what, after all DC are about as useful and important as a sack of mouldy tatties are they not.

Pah..

It's all it pwincessy.expecting a present for having a baby.

"It's called a "push present"?" -really by whom?

I didn't expect a present but I love antique jewellery and husband knew that. He wanted to buy me something special. And that is wrong?

I don't have an engagement ring and I don't wear a wedding ring. The "if you like what you see put a ring on it " thing is pretty yuk. The ring for my son's birth means far more.

I sent my husband out to the shop with a list of things I needed. My lovely man went into boots and bought packs of maternity pads and camillosan nipple cream. He then went to the local bakers and bought me a huge cream bun and a caramel latte. I loved him more than I ever had when he walked into the maternity ward with those little beauties.

For me its the little things, congratulations on your precious bundle.

Google,push present there's an industry around gifts for the new mum
Pretty gross,something graspy and ungainly about expecting a present for childbirth
There are websites offering push present gifts

Ooh push presents are upon us. If I ever have another child highly unlikely then I want a diamond also highly unlikely Back to reality when I had my DD I got a lot of love and support and my beautiful little girl. To me that is enough.
YABU OP, you have a beautiful baby - what gift can seriously compare to that? You are valued because you are a parent and that should be enough.

Scottishmummy is that last post aimed at me?
If it is, it's very rude. I did not ask for a "push present" or any present.

You asked what's a push present,I responded?that's not rude,it's helpful
Line 2,3are my opinion of oush presents not a direct comment on you

I think expecting a present is quite weird and comes across as entitled. Receiving a nice gift to mark the birth of your child is rather special to some people.