To expect a 20 year old to pay towards the holiday?

[MrsRGervais]

Dh and I are looking at a holiday abroad next year. It will cost a fortune as the holiday is to incorporate 4 adults and 2 children. The adults are his ds's aged 18 and 20. Now the 18 year old has special needs so can't really earn money so fair enough but Aibu to expect the 20 year old to put something towards the cost?? I really begrudge paying plane and accommodation costs for him when he's an adult and we're struggling to afford it. He's unlikely to take any spending money either as every time we've taken them somewhere he's not brought a penny with him (yet is bragging on Facebook about spending over £100 on lord of the rings memorabilia!)
DH will do doubt hit the roof at the suggestion of not paying 100% of the cost of his eldest but Aibu to suggest that he contributes? I'd certainly ask for a contribution from my own son once he was 18.

If and when my kids are earning enough to pay for a holiday I strongly suspect they wouldn't want to come with us When they aren't they are welcome to come with us and we'll pay. Your SS isn't earning so he can't pay - so..... either you pay or he doesn't come. Does your H want him to be there?

I would pay for h to go but tell him he needs to take his own spending money for drinks etc. Tell him to budget for 30 a day

Ds2 is 17 and am taking just him away for week to Germany we both love history and museums ( early 18th birthday present everyone chipping in and I love the fact he wants to holiday with his dear old mum and yes I am paying

Ds1 is 20 this year and often opts not to holiday with us as likes doing own thing but am taking him and ds2 away overnight my treat later in year as aware i don't often get time just with my older two .

family holiday If its me that wanting them then i be paying( we tend do out of season centre parcs so price same ) if ds1 said can i join you on a more expensive holiday I may expect him to cough up a bit towards things( ds1 working ds2 in 6th form )oh and centre parcs any extras he have to buy but he tends to anyway

I love my DS and love his company. I intend to pay for him to come on holiday with us as long as he wants to. Those of you who can't wait to see the back of your DC and want to start charging them for everything presumably feel differently.

My generation (50 plus) are probably financially better off than our offspring will ever be until we are dead.

The cost of a holiday is no hardship and most 20 year olds could not afford it as they are probably students or on very low pay.

I love my DC and enjoy their company immensely. When my teens reach the age of 20 I expect them to be going on holidays with their friends, not hanging about with their parents on holiday - just as my friends and I did when I was 20. I liked/loved my parents, but couldn't wait to do my own thing, with my own friends, on my own terms.

Should have added when they the reach the adult age of 20

YABU. It's a family holiday and you invited him. I agree he should bring his own spends, but it wouldn't cross my mind to expect him to pay.

The cost of a holiday is no hardship and most 20 year olds could not afford it as they are probably students or on very low pay.

At the age of 20 I had more money than my parents. In fact from the age of 18 I had more money than my parents and paid my own cost when I went on a holiday with my mum. I also used to pay board and lodgings every month and would get some food shopping occasionally. I did all of that and was still on the property ladder by the age of 20 (having saved my own deposit and enough for legal fees). So don't presume that all 20 year olds are penniless and that all 50 year olds are flush with money and can afford to pay all their adult children's expenses.

So if you're the child and you invite your parents on holiday do you expect them to pay or do you pay for them? My dad came on holiday with us for 4 years after my mum went into care and could no longer travel. He always paid a contribution towards the accommodation, food and travel costs.

Personally I can't wait until our kids are old enough to stop coming on holiday with us and we can finally afford to go to nice sunny places abroad. And when I was 20 (1991) and at uni I worked during the holidays in a care home ( earning £2.50 per hour - no minimum wage then) and managed to earn enough both to pay my living costs and have a holiday abroad every year. I went to Italy, Hungary, Bulgaria, Tunisia and Lanzarote. And no I didn't get parental help or a full grant.

This thread is in danger of descending into a Monty Python sketch.

If my parents invite us, I am assuming it is to their benefit and to a place we might not necessarily pick ourselves. They invite, they pay.

If we invite parents on holiday with us, the same rules apply. We invite, we pay.

Whenever we have asked my father or MIL on holiday with us they have always offered to contribute

We usually accept as we can't afford to pay for another one or two grown ups on top of our holiday costs. It's more that we know they would enjoy spending time with their grandchildren

Obviously if we hire a villa then we wouldn't dream of charging them, they make their own way there in the same way that we would if the positions were reversed

At age 20 and in full time uni education, I worked all through summer vacation to pay 50% of a holiday I went on with my mum. It would never have occurred to me not to pay for myself. She never offered to pay.

If I want my DD to come on holiday with me when she is 20 i would pay for her as I think I will happy to have her company (she is 11 yrs at the moment).

I would not pay for my stepchild at age 20 or any age. it is up to step Kids parents to pay for him. My DH would never ask me to pay a penny towards a holiday for his kids nor clothes or food for that matter.

Impatient how old are you and how long ago was it when you were 20? I was still at university when I was 20 but by 22 I was doing my traineeship. I was paid around £6,000 and bought my first flat on a 2 and a half times mortgage offer (which I didn't even use to the full extent) with a deposit of £250. I can't remember if I paid £12,000 or £14,000, in other words the price of a basic one bedroom tenement flat was roughly twice to two and a half times of the pay of a baby lawyer.

The Law Society of Scotland recommend rate for trainees (which almost every one pays and no more) is £16,000 for first year rising to £19,400 in second year. 2 and a half times the 2nd year salary is £48,500. To buy the flat I bought now would take around £95,000.

nappies - your post makes me feel good. I introduced my DD to red sea snorkling and skiing so that we could still do holidays together when she was older. A shared hobby.

We can't afford holidays ourselves yet (and we are not that young, just can't afford much and are trying to very slowly save a deposit). If we were invited, we could only accept if our parents paid for most of it - though we would probably 'treat them' to a meal or day out.

If the holiday was abroad we'd need to pay for our passports etc, and that would be a big deal for us right now.

Not everybody has money for holidays, and young people are less likely than others to have that money (student debt, trying to save for a deposit, high rental costs, stagnant wages - and lower min wage if they are younger etc). If parents can afford to take their adult children on holiday and want them to come, why on earth shouldn't they treat them?

If we could afford it for our son in future, we would!

I don't see how there can possibly be one "you should do x" answer for this. Too many factors.

I have been giving it a lot of thought as I am soon to be in a similar position, with one DSD who at 19 will be financially independent and with more disposable income than DH and I have ourselves, and with one DSS still a teenager and dependent on us, and one DD still a small child. DH and I have been talking about when the "Family Vacation" comes to an end - at what point do we distinguish between the children (or in a few years, the child) still living at home, and those who are no longer children. In our own situation, DSD can better afford holidays than we can, and has begun to go on holidays with her friends. We both agree completely that it makes no sense whatsoever for us to pay her way any longer, and it is unfair to the other children if they lose out because we are paying for adult DSD. But we haven't quite decided how to deal with it.

I do think it comes down in many ways to the invitation that is extended. My siblings and I have vacationed together, hiring a place together and dividing up not just the expenses but also the cooking, shopping, etc, but then we all have a say in where we go, what activities we do, and the dates are mutually agreed upon. On the other hand, an invitation extended to a prearranged holiday - "we are going to Spain on these dates and staying in this villa and scuba-diving on Tuesday" - would suggest to me that a)the person invited is free to decline if they don't like the sound of it, but the details are set by the ones doing the inviting, and b)the ones inviting are paying the cost of accomodation and travel.

I'm surprised that spending money is open to debate, though! My DSC have had to provide their own spending money on holidays for the last few years. We do 'treat' them a bit more - an ice cream here or there - and pay for activities that we are all doing together - but if they want to go off on their own and do something, want to buy souvenirs, or want to spend on extras, that's their responsibility. I certainly wouldn't give spending money to a young adult on a family holiday.

Impatient how old are you and how long ago was it when you were 20?

I was 20, 15 years ago. I didn't go to university so go at a job straight after leaving school at 16. But the OP hasn't stated whether her step son is a student or a full time employee, so he isn't necessarily penniless.

And my first property cost £50k and I bought it on a salary of around £9k after saving for over 3 years to get a decent deposit.

To be honest I don't think it matters what he earns. Unless this holiday is one they all sat down and discussed and agreed then I don't think he should be asked to pay.

impatient you are saying you bought a £50,000 property on a salary of £9,000? On what multiplier? When I bought in the early 80s 2 and a half to 3 was the norm. 3 times would have given you £27,000. If you earned £9,000 you'd have to have saved £23,000. How can that be possible out of a salary of £9,000? After you'd taken tax and NI off it would mean you saved pretty much your entire wage.

Of course it matters. Why on earth should an adult who is earning good money expect someone else to pay for his holiday, whether that's all or part of it, ie spending money? It's not a right to have a holiday, and expecting others to pay shows a lack of self respect.

I agree Caitlin

Caitlin, how do you feel though about the idea of him not being invited at all, then? Unless the holiday is one they all sat down and agreed.
When do parents get to stop hosting a Family Holiday, and simply go on holiday? If it isn't about the adult child's income and level of self-sufficiency, then is it at a certain set age? Surely there is an endpoint - or do parents on a small fixed pension, for example, still have an obligation to take their adult high-earners (and maybe their adult high-earner's own family!) on a Family Holiday?

I don't see how one can possibly argue that the child young adult's income is a non-issue.

The young adults income would be totally a non issue for me. I'd pay for my children happily, if we invited them to come on holiday with us.

Reading through this thread I get the distinct impression that a surprising number of posters really don't enjoy spending time with their adult children, and in some cases actively dislike them and resent the cost of their upbringing.

Otherwise why set yourself up so they'll never come on holiday with you again? Paying for them to come on holiday with you (provided you can afford it) shows how much you value and enjoy their company, which in turn will make them more likely to accept the offer. Many of them will offer a contribution towards the cost as well, believe it or not . Most 20-something young people, given a choice between paying to go on holiday with friends or paying to go with parents, will choose the former!