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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to buy my son a dress for his 3rd Birthday

412 replies

thebadwife · 19/03/2014 12:14

Just that really, I have always tried to dress my son in the most practical clothes for the activities of the day. The colour has never been important, which when was younger led to him being assumed to be a girl as often as he was a boy. Sometimes he wore leggings but mostly standard trousers, t-shirts and jumpers nothing particularly exciting, experimental or political.

However I have just had a daughter and my friends and family have been very generous and given us some lovely clothes for her which have included a few dresses. My son has always commented positively when I wear dresses, but has been really jealous of these tiny dresses and has asked several times if he can wear them. I told him they were too small but I would buy him a dress for his birthday in May. I have mentioned it to a few people and they have looked at me like I am crazy.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
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Sianilaa · 19/03/2014 17:52

My DS2 is 4 and in Reception. His older brother never had any interest in dressing up or "girly" things but DS2 adores them and always has. He begged me for a princess dress for his 3rd birthday and if it made him happy, why the hell not?! He wore it to nursery many times, the only person who batted an eyelid was one mother who made a comment about him "growing up to marry someone of the same gender"! And she was told (a) wearing pink doesn't make you gay and (b) what's wrong with being gay anyway?!
At a friend's house (who has DDs), he will often ask to wear one of their dresses to play in. Who cares?!

Now he's at school he has picked up that it isn't socially acceptable to wear such things so his outlet is Claire's Accessories, where he can choose funky belts and fashion glasses and bits instead. He loves them and wears them out and about all the time and he actually pulls it off and looks quite cool. I just think he is going to be quite into style and fashion perhaps.

Basically, as long as he is happy I let him be himself and will defend his right to do that to anyone who tries to put him down.

It's not hypocritical to want your son to be able to play with whatever he wants. As long as you allow your daughters the same freedoms. I went to the park with my friend and her two DDs and my two DSs. The girls were not allowed on half the equipment "in case they got their pretty dresses dirty." That was so depressing.

Equal toy/clothing rights for all!

Sianilaa · 19/03/2014 17:52

I also couldn't give a shiny shit if a boy wears a dress in public. At any age.

MrsDeVere · 19/03/2014 17:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5madthings · 19/03/2014 17:59

My dd is quite picky about what she will wear and is developing her own sense of style, she will only wear boys pants, the shirts style one. I agree they are much thicker cotton and more hardwearing, she can also pull them up and down more easily.

Ds3 still has his own style and likes purple and at the moment likes to wear waistcoats. Ds2 is into skinny jeans and blazer jackets.

Today dd is a cacophony of colour, red and black striped tights, blue dinosaur t shirt and shorts in a diff blue along with yellow wellies and a purple hooded jacket with stars on, oh and a cat ear headband.

When they are three they can wear want they want, soon enough they will have to wear uniform five days a week, let them get on with it :)

OnlyLovers · 19/03/2014 18:09

a cat ear headband So envious! Could a thirty-mumble-year-old woman get away with that, do you think, outside of Halloween?

Caitlin17 · 19/03/2014 18:11

Mrsdevere it may not be mumsnet policy but I've seen snide and sneery comments on here about little girls and pink dresses. Hell I've had snide and sneery comments about my own preference for always wearing dresses and skirts.

missmarplestmarymead · 19/03/2014 18:15

Somebody put it very well last week, I think, when they wrote that if your dd wanted to wear a pink princess dress, that was a parenting failure but if your ds wanted to wear one, why then....parenting success!

resipsa · 19/03/2014 18:16

God, I love pink; coats, bags, trousers, jumpers, socks, underwear, anything. I'm 43. DD is 3 and wears a lot of it but only because I buy it, I suspect.

resipsa · 19/03/2014 18:17

PS 5madthings - I'll explore Cars shorts - thanks!

hiccupgirl · 19/03/2014 18:25

My DS4 is heavily into role play and his favourite things to be are a fairy princess or Rapunzel. He wore his fairy dress with wings and wand to go to nursery yesterday and no one said anything. He does get looks though if we go out in town with it on and I have had another parent make very rude comments at a party where he went as a pirate princess.

missmarple it's so true I have to say. If DS was a girl I'd be at more worried about his Disney Princess obsession, you know, bad role models for girls etc!

MuddlingMackem · 19/03/2014 18:40

resipsa Wed 19-Mar-14 17:13:15

Off topic but can you buy Lightning McQueen pants for girls (ie without the pouch?). DD asks daily for them. I'd have guaranteed BF status for, oh, a whole day if I could get some...

Delphiniumsblue · 19/03/2014 18:50

I find it a bit sad that a girl who happens to love pink, frilly, princess, fairy type things is discouraged and yet if her brother likes the same things he is to be encouraged.

LaGuardia · 19/03/2014 18:52

I love these gender specific debates. It is always about putting boys in dresses, never girls into superhero costumes. Always.

NobodyLivesHere · 19/03/2014 18:53

Yanbu
My son wore bunches in his hair often as a toddler because he wanted to be like his big sister.

5madthings · 19/03/2014 18:58

Became no one would care if a girl wore a ssuperhero costume, again it's something you see regularly at toddler's or on dress up day at school.

Girls wearing 'boy' things is seen as fine, good intact yet a boy that wears pink or likes what a're seen as 'girls' things I still derided.

Ots crap and it's partly because female is still seen as some how less than And inferior.

5madthings · 19/03/2014 19:00

onlylovers the cat headbands was from h&m for £2,it fits me, they had some cool beanie hats in the women's section with cat ears on as well!

Serendipity30 · 19/03/2014 19:01

The majority of people saying go for it, would never do this in RL. Personally i dont think you need to indulge your child in everything they ask for, but his your child so do what you feel is right. Just to add i would not buy the dress

BlueFrenchHorn · 19/03/2014 19:03

caitlin agreed.

FyreFly · 19/03/2014 19:06

In fairness, clothing boys in dresses is very old-fashioned, and it's not something that would turn my head (but then I spend an inordinate amount of time around old portraiture). It only went out of fashion in the 30s, and you could buy dress and underwear (petticoats etc) sets for boys in the 40s!

I have no idea why it became so unacceptable Confused

minouminou · 19/03/2014 19:06

I think some of the complaints (or whatever you call them) about girls and pink frills come about because they get the double whammy of the visible/physical steering into this stereotype AND the psychological/emotional steering into princess world.
Boys are assumed to have the steering into valiant prince/pioneer/astronaut world despite the odd foray into frills, and it's assumed that this will one day "cure" them and they'll bust out and become head at KPMG or Crocodile Dundee or whatever it is.

BeaWheesht · 19/03/2014 19:09

Hmmm I'd probably buy him a dressing up one I think. Ds adored pink etc until he started nursery at 3 and became more aware which was sad in a way, but natural. I guarantee very few people round here wouldn't think I was utterly mental to let him wear a dress.

Dd is 3 now and starting to prefer her princess dresses over the others now but still wears the fire fighter / builder : monster costumes too.

It isn't a big deal but I don't think I'd let him wear it outside because I'd feel like people would think I was a bit of an arse.

5madthings · 19/03/2014 19:13

There is nothing wrong with any child liking pink, the problem is it is seen as and marketed as a girl's thing and a lot of the marketing that goes with it is insipid and focuses on appearances and beautifying etc. Passive roles and not positive role models. People are wanting girls to not be limited by this marketing and role modelling they have heaped on them.

We need the message to be that pink etc is fine for boys and girls and so are cars and dinosaurs etc. My dd loves dinosaurs so has loads of tops with them on, without fail all from the boy section as girls don't do dinosaurs don't you know... Hell I bought her a new toy dinosaur in town once and whilst in the queue to get our lunch a man in front of me started talking to Dd and said "why has mummy bought you that ugly boy toy, you need a nice pretty doll, you are too pretty to play with dinosaurs" now I am sure he meant no harm and was just making conversation but it is that kind of shit attitude that is wrong,

Stereotyping by gender is wrong for boys and girls.

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte · 19/03/2014 19:16

Really glad to have found this thread, as DS (2.9) is currently extremely fond of all the girliest dresses and tights of DD (4, but virtually the same size). When the vicar came to visit last week and DS and DD were playing together upstairs, he appeared wearing nothing except her frilly Peppa Pig knickers - with his little willy poking out the side. Poor vicar... she kept such a straight face Grin

ElkTheory · 19/03/2014 19:19

"Ds adored pink etc until he started nursery at 3 and became more aware which was sad in a way, but natural."

But it isn't natural at all. It is entirely social. We are currently living in social conditions that dictate a lot of ridiculous divisions WRT what is acceptable for boys and girls. But there is no gene for pink! Grin

bakingtins · 19/03/2014 19:39

My Ds2, age 3, asked for and got a yellow princess dress for Christmas, chose to be a princess at a recent princess and pirate party and is going as Tinkerbell to his Peter Pan 4th birthday party. Ds1 always favoured the knight/pirate/fireman options but the dressing up box is becoming much more frilly. He also loves monsters and cars and trains. I've had a few Hmm comments but I don't believe dressing up will make him gay or a transvestite in later life. If however he turns out to be either of those things, how much damage would telling him as a little child that it's wrong do?