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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to buy my son a dress for his 3rd Birthday

412 replies

thebadwife · 19/03/2014 12:14

Just that really, I have always tried to dress my son in the most practical clothes for the activities of the day. The colour has never been important, which when was younger led to him being assumed to be a girl as often as he was a boy. Sometimes he wore leggings but mostly standard trousers, t-shirts and jumpers nothing particularly exciting, experimental or political.

However I have just had a daughter and my friends and family have been very generous and given us some lovely clothes for her which have included a few dresses. My son has always commented positively when I wear dresses, but has been really jealous of these tiny dresses and has asked several times if he can wear them. I told him they were too small but I would buy him a dress for his birthday in May. I have mentioned it to a few people and they have looked at me like I am crazy.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Mim78 · 19/03/2014 14:27

I would get a fancy dress one as others have suggested.

CoffeeTea103 · 19/03/2014 14:32

In rl people would not do this as it's totally ridiculous. If he was 8 you wouldn't do it, so why is it ok at 3?

squoosh · 19/03/2014 14:37

Why is it totally ridiculous?

HowGoodIsThat · 19/03/2014 14:37

Because he is 3. It is entirely natural for boys that age to dress up in frocks and dresses. IF you can't do it at three, then when can you?! My three yr old DD prances around in puffy frocks whereas her 8 yr old sister doesn't.

But if my son wanted to wear a dress at aged 8, I will support him in that choice as well. But at 8, its a different level of self-awareness and a different set of society expectations that we'd all have to be aware of. At 3, none of that matters.

LackaDAISYcal · 19/03/2014 14:38

I'm not sure I would buy him his own one, but if you had any friends with older DD's who were having a clear out...

My DS2 (5) is always dressing up in his big sisters clothes and cast offs and loves the Disney Princess frocks in our dressing up box as much as he does the Superhero outfits...he spent the first few months of his life in flowery babygros as well and last summer when the paddling pool was out, he disappeared off to get his swimmies on and came down wearing a frilly pink and orange one-piece!

On occasion he even goes to school in a tutu!

I let him get on with it, though he is getting more inhibited thanks to school, which is sad really.

PiddlingWiddling · 19/03/2014 14:41

I really! really wouldn't, I'd buy capes and unisex items but not an actual dress. I know this is a Mumsnet crime Sad. If I saw a lad out in a dress I wouldn't think to much about it - I would assume he was wearing his sisters dress Confused I wouldn't grow a beard, my husband would wear a bra, it's the same type of thing.

Fancy dress and dressing up,boxes should have all sorts in though - I think its fine to have dresses in them.

It's been said before but in the world of mumsnet we want our sons to play with Barbies but not our girls Smile

squoosh · 19/03/2014 14:43

I don't want anyone playing with Barbie to be honest.

BlueFrenchHorn · 19/03/2014 14:47

flip I agree. Sometimes MN has weird double standards where it's okay for a little boy to dress up as a fairy princess but if this post was reversed to a little girl, there would be all sorts of backlash and choruses of how pink is disgusting and posters writing about their dds being into construction or cars etc.

I find the hypocrisy odd.

squoosh · 19/03/2014 14:49

Hypocrisy?

Ummm, it's not hypocritical to not want children of either gender to be restricted to 'gender appropriate' toys.

LadyintheRadiator · 19/03/2014 14:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlueFrenchHorn · 19/03/2014 14:50

piddling totally agree with your last point.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 19/03/2014 14:52

I just love the word frock.

Buy him one but like you said, not to score liberal parenting points or anything.

I love Eddie Izzard too.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 19/03/2014 14:53

Squoosh

Monster High or Bratz dolls are a million times worse

BlueFrenchHorn · 19/03/2014 14:53

squoosh it is hypocritical. Why is it okay in MN land for boys to wear pink frilly princess dresses but its looked down on if a poster writes their dd loves pink, glitter and Princess things?

squoosh · 19/03/2014 14:54

No, it isn't hypocritical to want your son to explore toys beyond guns and trucks and your daughter to explore toys beyond dolls and princess crowns.

LadyBeagleEyes · 19/03/2014 14:54

I agree that if the child was a girl the OP would get much harder time. If you dress your daughter in pink and buy her girly toys it's frowned upon but it's fine for boys.
And never say that you like your dd in 'pretty dresses' I remember a poster got totally flamed for that,
MN is hilarious sometimes.

WorraLiberty · 19/03/2014 14:55

Funny, these sort of posts!
In RL people are Hmm but on MN nearly everyone is saying 'go on, buy a dress!' Like it's an everyday occurrence to go out and get your son a frock

Yep! Grin

Apart from dressing up (which many boys have always done) I doubt half the people here would buy their son a dress and take him outside the house.

Even though I keep reading that so many people apparently would.

LetTheRiverAnswer · 19/03/2014 14:58

I know a few toddler boys that wear dresses in rl. Probably does reflect the place I live though (lots of liberal and hippy types). Id probably look out for something not as full on girly as a party dress but a bit more interesting than most bys clothes are. Something like www.tinyvikings.co.uk which has lovely fabrics, or something pinaforeish, which can be a bit more ambiguous. Someone makes pinafores locally that are for girls but boys could get away with without looking too unusual.
I'm all for leggings on boys, they're so practical for toddlers.

BlueFrenchHorn · 19/03/2014 14:58

squoosh I understand your point, but it IS hypocritical if it's only okay for boys to enjoy such toys/clothes. On MN there is always a huge backlash against girls enjoying princess dresses, pink etc, yet it's actively encouraged for boys. It is hypocritical.

UptheChimney · 19/03/2014 14:59

In this country, all children used to wear dresses until about the age of 6 or so, I think, and then boys would be dressed in britches.

And I don't think Britain was attacked by the gay.

BlueFrenchHorn · 19/03/2014 14:59

Exactly my point lady

squoosh · 19/03/2014 15:03

I will respectfully continue to disagree with you and maintain that no it isn't hypocritical.

People don't want to ban girls from ever playing with dolls or dressing up as princesses. Many people object when pink princessy stuff is all that girls are fed. Let all children play with all toys.

BlueFrenchHorn · 19/03/2014 15:05

squoosh I agree with letting all children play with all toys. Pretty much my point!

squoosh · 19/03/2014 15:05

I thought your point was that you thought it was hypocritical?

flipchart · 19/03/2014 15:08

I remember getting a flaming for mentioning that I allowed my son to have hair down to his shoulder blades in primary. I took the view that the minute the school said chop it, it went. DS was the only lad in the whole school with long hair. He wanted it, not me.

Boy, I got slagged off here for allowing that. Maybe I should have got him a dress instead.

By the comments here that sounds like it would have been more socially accepted!

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