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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to buy my son a dress for his 3rd Birthday

412 replies

thebadwife · 19/03/2014 12:14

Just that really, I have always tried to dress my son in the most practical clothes for the activities of the day. The colour has never been important, which when was younger led to him being assumed to be a girl as often as he was a boy. Sometimes he wore leggings but mostly standard trousers, t-shirts and jumpers nothing particularly exciting, experimental or political.

However I have just had a daughter and my friends and family have been very generous and given us some lovely clothes for her which have included a few dresses. My son has always commented positively when I wear dresses, but has been really jealous of these tiny dresses and has asked several times if he can wear them. I told him they were too small but I would buy him a dress for his birthday in May. I have mentioned it to a few people and they have looked at me like I am crazy.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
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OnlyLovers · 19/03/2014 19:44

5madthings, I'm off to H&M!

LaGuardia, as others have pointed out, that's because no one (or far fewer people anyway) throws up their hands in horror at the idea of a girl wearing a superhero costume/something blue/ trousers the way they do at the thought of a boy wearing a dress.

Paintyfingers · 19/03/2014 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Writerwannabe83 · 19/03/2014 20:20

I want to know what his dad makes of this??

My DH would have a heart attack if he thought a son of his was wearing dresses... Grin

flipchart · 19/03/2014 20:33

Ha! I just asked DH what he would have thought and he said ' don't be daft lass, why would they want o prance about like Thumbelina fo?'

( it's fair to say we are Northern! Lol!)

BeaWheesht · 19/03/2014 21:01

elk I think you're missing my point. I meant it was natural he was affected by the peer pressure at nursery not that suddenly at 3 boys are intrinsically wired to abhor pink! Fwiw though all societies have and always will have societal norms, it's just the way it is. If you decide to go a different way that's absolutely your choice of course but it is a somewhat courageous one in some situations and IMO it's hard to encourage your child to do something which could result in them feeling victimised. That's not to say its wrong to do so just it's hard to do especially when kids are very young.

Fecklessdizzy · 19/03/2014 21:06

I'd go for the dressing up box option - lots of different bits and bobs and colours and patterns and let him knock himself out trying out different looks!

As for the "liberal cred" sniping, I say pish to it all ... My two boys both have yards of hair and have had since primary school. I'm happy to have it cut but they very much aren't, so it stays. They're both pretty well supplied with mates and snarky come-backs to any teasing that they might get - although there doesn't seem to be any, to be honest! ( The fact that they've both inherited their dad's height and shed-like build probably helps a bit ... Grin )

BuntyCollocks · 19/03/2014 21:11

My ds desperately wanted a princess dress, as he's just gotten into disney films, and of course, a lot are about princesses. He is now the proud owner of a belle dress from sainsbos.

BuntyCollocks · 19/03/2014 21:18

Oh, ds was three at the end of jan if it makes a difference.

2gorgeousboys · 19/03/2014 21:30

DS1 who is now 14 used to love dressing in an old bridesmaid dress of mine which was in the dressing up box, he also had tutus, fairy wings etc in there. Up until he was about 6 his favourite colour was pink and he wanted to be a princess when he grew up because he would like to sit on a throne eating chocolates all day and he would not have to fight any dragons Hmm. He is now a very confident, self assured ballroom dancing teenage boy who still quite likes a sparkle or two.

DH (Yorkshire rugby player!) was mortified that I indulged DS1's interests and love of what he saw as ''girlie rubbish'' but he came round to the idea eventually that it did no harm and DS1 could still like rugby, football etc.

DS2 (9) never showed any interest in dresses but has always loved dressing up as all sorts of things. Both boys had toy kitchens, dolls, prams etc alongside cars, trains, garages and such like. For world book day last week, DS2 decided to dress up as an ugly sister so went to school (he's in year 5) in a friend's princess dressing up dress, a wig, beads, make up and tights. DH was worried he'd be laughed at but everyone thought it was great.

I would go with what makes your DS happy Smile

Sharaluck · 19/03/2014 21:40

I would buy him a box of dress up costumes (include a few different types of costumes/dresses that he will enjoy wearing). I would have no problem with this.

I would have a problem with dressing my toddler ds in a ordinary girls dress. Sorry.

If he was older (6+ years) and wanted to that would be fine but he is only 3 and I think it would be confusing for him.

formerbabe · 19/03/2014 21:44

I would have a dressing up box with different outfits in it.

I wouldn't buy my ds an actual dress.

I think it's a little bit uber-cool/liberal/how cool am I as a parent thing to do.

latebreakfast · 19/03/2014 21:53

I dread to think what kind of man my daughter's will end up marrying, wearing dresses and playing with dolls!

A gentle one who loves looking after babies perhaps?

LackaDAISYcal · 19/03/2014 22:07

or one who doesn't have a MiL with a permanent cat's bum mouth!

EBearhug · 19/03/2014 22:15

He's 3. Buying him a dress is hardly a life-long commitment, because he will grow out of it. If it will bring him pleasure, why not? He doesn't have to wear it all the time.

flipchart · 19/03/2014 22:19

I'm not getting the 'buy it if it makes them happy' comments.

If it had been a toy gun or a drum kit that ' would make them happy' there would be plenty of disappointed kids!

ElkTheory · 19/03/2014 22:22

I understood your point, Bea. It tickled me that you used the word natural when nature has nothing to do with a preference for pink (though quite a lot of people seem to think it does).

There will always be ignorant twits about who think it's acceptable to taunt children for stepping outside the perceived norms. But I think anyone who would object to a 3-year-old boy in a dress or with a liking for pink is a person whose opinion means less than nothing.

FudgefaceMcZ · 19/03/2014 22:23

There does seem to be a double standard on this forum given I've seen many posts about how evil anything pink, sparkly and frilly marketed at girls is.

Don't be ridiculous. I have bought my daughter disney princess dresses, because she asked for them for treats/presents. I would do the same for a son if I had one. I don't particularly like them for either gender as they aren't practical and leave glitter in the washing machine, but eh. I think most people want children to have all options open to them, not just to swap over what is available to boys and girls.

ElkTheory · 19/03/2014 22:26

But what exactly is objectionable about a small boy wearing a dress? For those who wouldn't allow it, why not?

Delphiniumsblue · 19/03/2014 22:29

I would just have the dressing up box, whether they were girls or boys.

youmakemydreams · 19/03/2014 22:30

I think I live in a pretty narrow minded small town actually I know I do and it is not uncommon to see toddler boys in dresses or 'girly' paraphernalia. There were a couple of neighbours sons that are in dd's class that were often seen trotting about in heels and a handbag. Nobody bats and eye lid. Ds1 loved pottering about in dd's dresses as much as he did in his monkey suit. He also had a pink buggy that he pushed his baby doll in with his beaded Minnie mouse handbag slung over the handle. DD also still loves pink and glitter. Her bedroom looks like I threw a bottle of Pepto Bismol into it. She also plays football and loves extreme mountain biking she never played with dolls ever. Ds2 is 3 and car obsessed but loves sparkly pink jewellery.

None of this is to show my liberal side. I never even gave it any thought I just seen it as giving them access to a wide range of stuff and letting them decide what they liked and who they are. I find this it would never happen in real life quite amusing really because it does every day where I live.

Sharaluck · 19/03/2014 22:35

I wouldn't allow a preschool aged boy (younger than 6 years) to wear an ordinary girls dress out and about because at that very young age children are learning basic concepts and social norms of the 'black and white' variety. So I think it is confusing for them. I don't have a problem with boys playing dress ups and wearing dresses in that context but he will not be wearing ordinary girls dresses on an everyday/ordinary basis.

Most older children already know these norms and concepts intrinsically and if an older boy still wanted to wear a dress that is up to him imo.

Sharaluck · 19/03/2014 22:39

Also a disclaimer to say I have never allowed my dc of both sex to wear dress up costumes out and about, or carry toys out and about ever!

That is just a preference of mine, they know to leave things like toys etc at home and always have so when they go out they wear ordinary everyday clothes (never fairy wings and costumes). So maybe this influences my decisions as I know lots of parents are happy to have their children go out 'dressed up'.

5madthings · 19/03/2014 22:42

God I can't remember the last time ds4 wemt pit in non dress clothes, other than school where he wears uniform he lives in fancy dress, super hero's are his thing at the moment...oh and the home made capes we made for his bday party, he and dd went out wearing them yesterday and today.

Sharaluck · 19/03/2014 22:46

5madthings yes I think I'm probably unusual in that regard but I have a very strong reaction to having their toys etc outside of home. I don't like it and always worry about them losing things etc, so ever since they were tiny they knew toys/dress ups are for home.

BeaWheesht · 19/03/2014 22:49

Right but I was saying its natural to be affected by society's norms, it is.