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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to buy my son a dress for his 3rd Birthday

412 replies

thebadwife · 19/03/2014 12:14

Just that really, I have always tried to dress my son in the most practical clothes for the activities of the day. The colour has never been important, which when was younger led to him being assumed to be a girl as often as he was a boy. Sometimes he wore leggings but mostly standard trousers, t-shirts and jumpers nothing particularly exciting, experimental or political.

However I have just had a daughter and my friends and family have been very generous and given us some lovely clothes for her which have included a few dresses. My son has always commented positively when I wear dresses, but has been really jealous of these tiny dresses and has asked several times if he can wear them. I told him they were too small but I would buy him a dress for his birthday in May. I have mentioned it to a few people and they have looked at me like I am crazy.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
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Delphiniumsblue · 21/03/2014 06:57

Do people actually take 3 yr olds shopping and let them choose whatever they like? I simply bought stuff when they were not with me and a lot of it was second hand anyway. I find it stressful just to think about clothes shopping with such small children in tow.

5madthings · 21/03/2014 07:39

Yes I take my three year old shopping, not always And She doesn't always get to choose whatever she likes but she does choose some clothes, some new, some second hand. She chose a few bits for our fancy dress shop the other day when we had a look in a charity shop in town. Yesterday she helped choose some bits for lunch in Tesco. Sometimes I just have a list and get what I have on there.

Today after school run I am taking dd to toddler group then we will go to town to meet a friend, we will have lunch and have a few bits to buy, some cake pop bits and stuff to decorate Easter hats and a present for my mum and dd needs some new socks. She may well choose some socks and help choose which cake bits we get. Obviously it's my choice if I want it to be but it's not a problem for any of my children to have choices re shopping whether that be food or clothes etc.

're shopping with kids being stressful, sometimes I guess it can be if one of the kids is having a bad day, generally mine are pretty good tbh.

Delphiniumsblue · 21/03/2014 08:15

It is something I put off as long as possible. I don't like shopping anyway and shopping with young children is something I avoided when at all possible!

MrsDeVere · 21/03/2014 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Delphiniumsblue · 21/03/2014 10:06

It probably comes under my 'hideous' and therefore it is much easier not to take them and I got my choice. Grin There is a limit to how long you can manage to choose yourself so I don't see the point in giving up your free choice before you have to!

Guineapig99 · 21/03/2014 10:11

I'd get him one, he's only 3 and this ight be his last chance before social conventions get to him! It's juts make believe/dress up and if it isn't for some reason, well then not getting him a dress isn't going to change a thing...

bluepen · 21/03/2014 10:28

I used to guide mine.

parttimer79 · 21/03/2014 12:39

Just curious - there are several posters who described boys in dresses as just wrong could you tell me why?
I live in a small and pretty insular town (you're not from rounds these parts, erm actually I am...) and the attitude to "boys and girly stuff" for want of a better phrase is that is is wrong, will warp their (male) children and that the dads won't like it. I honestly thought this was a piss take the first time I heard it at a baby group party.
What are you afraid of? I am genuinely curious but can't bring myself to ask people I know through local baby groups as I still have 5 months of mat leave left and can't think how to phrase it without making it clear I think they are being narrow minded morons who are married to Neanderthals....

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 21/03/2014 13:10

You could also wonder why so many MN mums are keen to get their sons in dresses, and what they think it means, and why they do it.

And would they be equally keen to put their daughters in pink sparkly dresses? (If they asked) or their sons in Man-U football tops and shiny tracksuits ( if they asked) I think not, somehow.

LackaDAISYcal · 21/03/2014 13:39

My DD already has sparkly pink dresses, my DS's or DD could wear a ManU top if it suited them to do so (but they aren't arsed about football, so not likely) and my DS1 actually has some shiny tracksuit bottoms that he wears for PE at school.

Your point is?

squoosh · 21/03/2014 13:41

I think you're wrong Fiscal. The whole point of the thread is letting them wear whatever they want.

MoominsYonisAreScary · 21/03/2014 13:45

I dont think its wrong but i wouldnt have them in a dress out of the house.

Some adults are twats and would take the piss, the same adults will have passed their ideas on to there dc, children can be cruel.

Im not ok for my 3 year old to be laughed at just because i think its ok for him to wear a dress when the majority of people in rl would think it was odd and laugh at him.

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 21/03/2014 13:48

I bet you it is "let them wear whatever they want as long as it is not common. Dresses for boys are fine, shiney track suits ir onesies not so o.k.

I don 't think people are entirely honest with themselves.

Sillylass79 · 21/03/2014 13:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LackaDAISYcal · 21/03/2014 14:00

Can I just ask why you care so much Fiscal?

Already have the shiny stuff as I said, and the onesies. DS often goes out wearing pyjamas, including onesies, as does DD and they sometimes wear any old t-shirt and trackie bums to bed. It's just clothes; nowt to get yer knickers in a twist over.

thegreylady · 21/03/2014 14:23

The whole thing is 'nowt to get your knickers in a twist over' for anyone but OP. She wanted opinions, she got them. I wouldn't...you would..she might...she has in the past...she might in the future etc etc.

MoominsYonisAreScary · 21/03/2014 14:26

Yet so many people are against buying character tops for their dc

MrsDeVere · 21/03/2014 14:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

caruthers · 21/03/2014 14:39

Fiscal may have a point though.

I don't know anyone personally who would dress their sons up in a dress or a frock.

Apart from the obvious 'Dressing up' and play time which isn't that rare of course.

HelenHen · 21/03/2014 14:44

I would buy it for ds but I would not make it common knowledge or put pics up on Facebook or anything! If he likes dresses when he's older, fine, but kids can be tarred for life by one teeny little childhood incident!

MrsDeVere · 21/03/2014 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LackaDAISYcal · 21/03/2014 14:46

And I am certainly not middle class liberal material Confused

and once more for the hard of understanding, I don't "dress my son in a frock" He does it all by his little weird self!

Today thay are doing sporty things for sport relief at school and told they could come dressed in sporty clothes...cue a line of tracksuits, football kits, rugby kits and the odd ballerina. What is my DS wearing? Swimming trunks, goggles and armbands Grin This and the dressing in frocks is more to do with his kooky nature than anything else. Why should I repress that? It's what makes him delightful.

Caitlin17 · 21/03/2014 14:55

They are funny about clothes and it doesn't end.

Mine didn't wear dresses but he did like my hats.From about 13 onwards when he wasn't in school uniform he was in the shabby chic, slightly old-fashioned, public school boy, hacking jackets, Kurt Cobain type cardies , skinny jeans and vintage military dress jackets all purchased from second hand stores and which is exactly the look sold by Jack Wills. He was most annoyed when they opened a branch in Edinburgh. He did go through a tracksuit bottoms phase then which I hated.

5madthings · 21/03/2014 14:59

My daughter also wears dresses and her brother's hand me downs, she has quite a few tutus that she likes to wear with her wellies.

Ds2 went through a football phase and he did indeed wear football shirts, he had several with his name on the back. He prefers skinny jeans, shirts and converse now, but yes we bought him the football shirts as he wanted them and asked for them as bday presents, I begrudge the price of them but otherwise have no problem with them.

It's not about being a right on cool parent, I am just letting my children be children and for ds3 that had involved dresses and tutus.

For dd it's a mix of tutus, dinosaur tops and clashing tights, she is three and I choose to pick my battles, if she wants to wear clashing clothes fine, other things such as holding hands when walking near roads I won't compromise on. And yes when shopping today I let her help choose what we bought, she chose the sprinkles for our Easter cake and cake pops and she chose a hat that we could decorate for her Easter hat. I will try and give a choice when I can though it May well be a limited choice as a small child can be overwhelmed by a huge range. I don't think I am unusual in letting my children have choices like these. It certainly doesn't make me some hippy parent, believe me many people think I am strict, I am hot on manners and being polite and always say my children must treat others as they would like to be treated themselves.

I don't know where people live that a three year old would be picked on or laughed at for wearing a dress when out, it's fairly common to see toddlers in alloys of outfits, at most they get a raised eyebrow in 'toddlers don't you love them' kind of way. My son got told how cool he was when he wore his tutu to town, a bunch of teens who looked a bit goth told him how cool he was and we're really friendly and lovely.

CoffeeTea103 · 21/03/2014 15:01

I have yet to see a boy wearing a dress out in public.