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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to buy my son a dress for his 3rd Birthday

412 replies

thebadwife · 19/03/2014 12:14

Just that really, I have always tried to dress my son in the most practical clothes for the activities of the day. The colour has never been important, which when was younger led to him being assumed to be a girl as often as he was a boy. Sometimes he wore leggings but mostly standard trousers, t-shirts and jumpers nothing particularly exciting, experimental or political.

However I have just had a daughter and my friends and family have been very generous and given us some lovely clothes for her which have included a few dresses. My son has always commented positively when I wear dresses, but has been really jealous of these tiny dresses and has asked several times if he can wear them. I told him they were too small but I would buy him a dress for his birthday in May. I have mentioned it to a few people and they have looked at me like I am crazy.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
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7
Caitlin17 · 20/03/2014 14:26

Captainhindsight I have no idea what point you're trying to make.

CaptainHindsight · 20/03/2014 14:31

And what is the point you are trying to make???

ZingSweetCoconut · 20/03/2014 14:36

and my opinion is that as an everyday wear it's just wrong.

I have honestly never seen a boy in a dress or a skirt everyday pieces of clothing.

when they dress up at playgroup or school for acting or playing - no problem.
also men wearing kilts at a wedding or in a traditional dance groups might wear dresses or skirts - that sort of thing is fine, because it is also part of culture or a country's tradition.

but as an everyday thing it's just wrong. and weird.
if that's not good enough explanation I'm afraid I can't do better.

caruthers · 20/03/2014 14:41

I haven't bought Lego for years but unless Lego is actually issuing boxes marked "boys'Lego" and "girls' Lego" your comment is ridiculous too. Lego is Lego

This all day long.

NickL · 20/03/2014 14:41

Male perspective.

Even at age five, you can be sure that if other boys find out your son wears girls clothes he will be picked-upon.

CaptainHindsight · 20/03/2014 14:43

NickL - says more about the boys doing the picking on than the child in a dress.

Fleta · 20/03/2014 14:44

*Male perspective.

Even at age five, you can be sure that if other boys find out your son wears girls clothes he will be picked-upon*

Wrong. B is perfectly confident in wearing his tutu/dress in front of other children. They don't bat an eyelid - most probably because we as a group of parents don't bat an eyelid. It is just who B is.

squoosh · 20/03/2014 14:45

What about the male perspective of the child choosing to wear the dress?

Caitlin17 · 20/03/2014 14:47

Captainhindsight my point is perfectly clear . Lego is Lego. If you or anyone else wants to divide it in to Lego for boys and Lego for girls that's your and their problem.

Fleta · 20/03/2014 14:52

but as an everyday thing it's just wrong. and weird

Crikey. Just crikey.

So someone expressing themselves/being comfortable in themselves is wrong and weird? Nice.

CaptainHindsight · 20/03/2014 14:52

Oh course Lego is Lego! I completely agree with you.

I had not even seen the Lego Friends range until I put it in google and found an image of the product on fire.

My ability to convey sarcasm is obviously on the blink.

Apologies if I pissed you off unintentionally but we are actually on the same page.

minouminou · 20/03/2014 14:58

Awwww - I love it when people make up!

Which is why I hate to show you this, straight from the horse's mouth...

shop.lego.com/en-GB/Girls-ByCategory

Like I said upthread....clever marketing. Long-gone are the days of the beloved Creator set that got passed on down the generations....

minouminou · 20/03/2014 15:00

But still - it mentions dexterity and problem-solving.

It's just that now some parents will feel the need to shell out once more to get the same educational effect.

squoosh · 20/03/2014 15:02

A Lego juice bar! I can now die happy in the knowledge I've seen it all.

Ericaequites · 20/03/2014 15:03

Little boys who like girls things are much more likely to grow up gay than transgender.

minouminou · 20/03/2014 15:03

Quite fancy it myself, actually.
Fuck it...they've got my pink pound.

ohmeohmyforgotlogin · 20/03/2014 15:05

H&M do nice sundresses for 2.99. let your son be who he wants to be or wants to pretend to be

minouminou · 20/03/2014 15:05

Can you link us to that particular longitudinal study, Erica?

ElkTheory · 20/03/2014 15:09

"Little boys who like girls things are much more likely to grow up gay than transgender."

Oh, really? Do tell. What is your evidence for this statement?

UserNameDenied · 20/03/2014 15:10

I wouldn't buy a 'normal' dress for my boys because I think it would give the message to them that they should do whatever they like with no regard to social norms. I embrace individualism but boys wearing girls dresses is a step to far. I am not appalled or horrified by the thought but I wouldn't choose to do it myself. I also wouldn't want them to wear makeup or wear their hair in braids. I am curious how many of you that would buy a dress for your sons would let them wear it whenever they wanted? Would you let them wear it to school or to a school friends party? Where do you draw the line - or should there be no line?

I see playing dress up differently and I wouldn't bother me in the slightest.
I wouldn't dissuade my girls from wearing boys clothes.
As older teens and adults it wouldn't bother me what they wear as long as it's clean - I prefer clean and tidy but it's not my business and I think they should wear what they want. As adults it is their choice.

Social norms are a normal part of life. I have never seen a young boy dressed in normal girls clothing whilst out and about. I would not be keen for one of my boys to be the first. It's too out there and I wouldn't want my child to attract any negative comments. I get that you can teach your child to stand up for themselves with witty comebacks but why would you want to.

I understand there are some children where the desire to wear dresses is more than just a passing wish and shouldn't be dismissed as such.

BTW my adult sons look lovely in pink Grin

CaptainHindsight · 20/03/2014 15:18

Social norms are a normal part of life

Lots of these "norms" have done nothing but repress people for generations.

Provided you don't hurt anyone in the process then you should be free to express yourself however you wish.

TheBody · 20/03/2014 15:24

see in all my 24 years as a parent I have never heard anyone describe toys as for boys or girls. no one of any age from my dm at 80 to anychild.

I have never heard of anyone buying a dress for a boy or seen a boy in a dress outside either.

I must lead a sheltered life.

Caitlin17 · 20/03/2014 15:24

Lego has disappoingtly has a category for girls but not for boys.

OnlyLovers · 20/03/2014 15:33

Social norms are social norms for a reason - Because it's the majority.

A completely circular argument.

So being liberal means getting girls out of pink and boys into it. No: as people have tried repeatedly to explain, it means letting children of BOTH genders wear what they like without making them feel as though they're weird or should be ashamed.

Caitlin17 · 20/03/2014 15:33

TheBody you have no idea if you have seen a boy in a dress. Children under 6/7 are pretty androgynous. If you'd seen my son and my best friend's daughter when they were both 6 you'd have assumed they were both boys as friend's daughter refused to wear anything "girly"

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