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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that if a 14 year old hasn't got their homework sorted by 8am Monday, they should not be bailed out

79 replies

LooSeatInTheSkyWithDiamonds · 17/03/2014 09:25

We asked several times if she had homework or if she needed to take anything to school on Monday. Find a recipe and take the ingredients came the answer, which i thought she had sorted but it turns out (10 mins before she leaves the house) that she hasn't got the recipe she needs to take. So DH offers to look it up and get it to her at school within the hour. WTF?! She spends her entire life on her phone; it takes 30s to google a recipe. This is not the first time that something like this has happened (and I'm sure it will happen again). AIBU?

OP posts:

Goblinchild · 17/03/2014 09:28

No, at 14 she shouldn't be. You gave her enough support by asking her if she had homework and needed anything.
But if she never has to worry, because daddy will sort everything out, then that's how she'll live her life. Of course it will happen again and again and again. Where is the downside for her?

WooWooOwl · 17/03/2014 09:30

YANBU.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 17/03/2014 09:30

YANBU. Best way to learn why it's not OK to be lazy is to suffer a few consequences. She'll survive. :)

BellaVita · 17/03/2014 09:31

They definitely should not be bailed out (and I have a 14yr old and one that is 17). I have never done this.

However I work in a secondary school (reception) and the amount of parents that do is unreal... I tell them they are too soft!

They need to suffer the consequences

TheBody · 17/03/2014 09:34

well unless she has issues 14 is old enough and your dh needs to take a step back.. on my 4th 14 year old now. they are a dream op arnt they!

Original poster

LooSeatInTheSkyWithDiamonds · 17/03/2014 09:41

- TheBody

So glad it's not just me. DH runs around after them way too much IMO and doesn't seem to believe that consequences work. But then it's easy for me to say as they aren't my kids.

OP posts:

Rollermum · 17/03/2014 09:43

YANBU. Agree that consequences need to be learned - it's only fair really because that sort of thing helps prepare for work etc.

Original poster

LooSeatInTheSkyWithDiamonds · 17/03/2014 09:43

And while I'm at it (if I'm allowed another rant)...

The bloody sweet wrappers!!! It is NOT acceptable to leave them lying around the house and garden. Ban the sweets I say.

I know. Minor stuff. But BLOODY ANNOYING.

OP posts:

diddl · 17/03/2014 09:45

If there was time to sort it out before leaving I'd be tempted.

Taking stuff into school later-def not!

saulaboutme · 17/03/2014 09:46

yanbu, we had our 14 yr old drop a massive homework bomb at 9pm last.

She did it but we had a big talk before bed about prioritising her work and managing her time. She also spends time on her phone and iPod and generally being lazy.

Not happy with her. Big convo too long to relay here.

Martorana · 17/03/2014 09:47

I might help her get it done before she left- but under those circumstances I certainly wouldn't take it up to school for her.

saulaboutme · 17/03/2014 09:48

I think I've said feckin teenagers a hundred times this weekend.

mrsjay · 17/03/2014 09:51

I have a friend who has always done this for their child and will regularly do homework take it into school late the kid is a lazy so n so and I dont know what is going to happen when she has to do her exams in a few weeks it is going to be carnage I think, I have one like you she has to sort herself out or she has the teachers to contend with I let them get on with it, why is your husband doing it for her tell him he is being an idiot

CogitoErgoSometimes · 17/03/2014 09:53

Never mind exams. Can you imagine what happens when, in due course, one of these delicate doilies tries to hold down a job?!?

mrsjay · 17/03/2014 09:56

I know I am not sure they will cope I am sure mummy has them a job lined up

exexpat · 17/03/2014 09:58

She didn't do the work, she takes the consequences - how else will she learn?

If she was a brand-new year 7 I might apply the three-strikes rule (bailed DS out with forgotten PE kit etc twice in the first term, but third time he was on his own) but by 14 she should have learnt to take responsibility for herself.

mrsjay · 17/03/2014 09:58

I also know another parent with younger children who does homework and arty projects apparently it is quite normal at the school they go to, maybe i was just a lax parent

Original poster

LooSeatInTheSkyWithDiamonds · 17/03/2014 10:01

"why is your husband doing it for her" - guilt probably. And wanting to help.

Makes it tricky to deal with and, strictly speaking, it's probably none of my business anyway, they are his kids.

OP posts:

pointythings · 17/03/2014 10:02

I had this recently with DD1, but at least she 1) had the recipe and 2) had passed it on to me so that vital ingredients could be included in the weekend shop.

I did help her on the morning of the event, but only to locate the cinnamon (which DH had helpfully put somewhere esoteric) and get out our posh kitchen scales because I didn't want her to drop them.

The rest she did herself. And I'd never drop stuff off at school for her.

TheBody · 17/03/2014 10:05

MrsJ yes I work in a school and obviously you can always tell if the parents have done the project, not just helped but done.

we had a project for the kids aged 7 to do a model of their house. one turned up like a bloody corporate design, child's dad was an architect.

that's fine but when there's a prize for the best it's a bit off so we picked the one made of toilet tolls and yogurt pots.

the parents actually complained!! can you actually get your breath.

op you keep it up as you are doing your dd a favour in the end.

mrsjay · 17/03/2014 10:05

oh ok you are not her mum I can see why you are biting your tongue it is your business sort of of gentlt mention to him that he isnt doing her any favours really

mrsjay · 17/03/2014 10:06

we had a project for the kids aged 7 to do a model of their house. one turned up like a bloody corporate design, child's dad was an architect.

oh dearie me

Ishouldbeweaving · 17/03/2014 10:07

I will go up to school with the musical instrument that he walked right past on his way out to the bus but that's because I've paid £9 for the music lesson so it's me that's affected rather than him (14y).

Homework/books/pencil cases stay right where he left them, my line is that when he's gone off to university I won't be there to sort these things out so he needs to get on top of it now. I wish I'd got £1 for every time I've given the talk about planning and prioritising and I don't know why I bother because I obviously sound like the adults on Charlie Brown (no speech just trombone noise of wah-wah-wah)

CogitoErgoSometimes · 17/03/2014 10:10

"the parents actually complained!!"

Love this bit.... Although I'm reminded of one time at school when the project was to design and build a crown. Being quite an artistic/creative kid I did pretty bang up job if I say so myself and the response I got was that it was so good someone must have helped me. Talk about crushed....

EmpressOfJurisfiction · 17/03/2014 10:11

Complained? Oh, that's brilliant. What did they say?

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