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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be put off by this?

544 replies

DomesticDisgrace · 15/03/2014 23:39

Please tell me I'm being unreasonable! I met this really really lovely guy today and I was hoping he'd ask me out because we hit it off instantly! When I came home he did and I was absolutely delighted, we decided on the cinema and he texted saying "I'll book the tickets, can you look after the grub?"
I can't help but be really put off by him now, I'm disgusted with myself Blush
I haven't been on a date in about six years as I was with my ex and he wasn't working for the majority of our relationship so I'm super scared of ending up with a stinge (this guy is working by the way)

Am I being horrible? It's really put me off him!

OP posts:
Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 17/03/2014 16:40

I'm bracing myself for an absolute flaming here now but he never stops talking about food!
Last night he rang me to tell me he was tucking into a big Sunday roast, this morning he asked what I was doing I said on way to a farm with DD and he told me he was stuffing his face with a fry and now he's just texted to tell me there's a lovely aroma of bacon and cabbage in his house!

He also asked to put me on the phone to his dad and dads girlfriend which I said NO Confused

Shit.

OP posts:
tulipsaredelicious · 17/03/2014 16:43

Oh dear... Hmm

tulipsaredelicious · 17/03/2014 16:44

Sorry, the Hmm is for him, not you, op.

VoyageDeVerity · 17/03/2014 16:59

Gonna be more than a tub of popcorn OP! Hmm

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 17/03/2014 17:01

Now I feel awful again because he rang me and everything was absolutely perfect on the phone. No more texting from here on out!

OP posts:
Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 17/03/2014 17:03

Tulip, do you think I'm out of order? God I love my food myself but descriptions like stuffing my face and that are a bit ott. Especially when we've been discussing what we're doing for the day, I wouldn't even think to mention what I was eating because it wouldn't be considered "plans for the day" etc.

Though on the phone just now he was lovely and said he has a book for me.

OP posts:
crazy88 · 17/03/2014 17:05

I talk about food a LOT so I wouldn't mind that.

The putting you on the phone to people you haven't met is a bit weird though. The kind side of me says he is clearly keen though if he is already introducing you to his family BEFORE you've even been on the date!

crazy88 · 17/03/2014 17:10

In France people ask what you're cooking for dinner that night like we talk about the weather. It's standard conversation. They don't use terminology like "grub" and "stuffing my face" though Hmm

You seem to be having a lot of reservations about this man. Are you trying to talk yourself out of this relationship before it's even started?

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 17/03/2014 17:13

I can tell he's keen which is lovely, and seriously comes off SO much better on the phone. I'm definitely giving up the texting now.
The talking about food shouldn't really bother me but I think after the whole popcorn combo debacle it's making him seem a bit greedy.

"What's white, dangerous and hits you in the face? A refrigerator" I don't even get it but then I'm crap with punchline jokes!

OP posts:
SometimesLonely · 17/03/2014 17:14

Look, OP. Just go on this date and see what happens. You don't have to see Dateman (I like that name) again if you don't like things he says or does, do you? See how he eats. Mouth open while eating?.

Dillydollydaydream · 17/03/2014 17:17

He does seem to like his food.
Wanting to put his family on the phone, [comfused]
Why?!

Dillydollydaydream · 17/03/2014 17:18

Oops Confused

Enjoy your cinema and grub date :)

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 17/03/2014 17:21

I have to fly out to the shops now but one more little drip feed, I met him on the worst day ever. My ex who I only broke up with a few months ago was over telling me all about his 23yr old girlfriend who he has known 3 months and how she thinks it's time to meet my daughter now Sad I hadn't even known for certain that he was seeing someone so the whole thing has come and kicked me in the face. It was later that day I met Dateman so I don't know if I'm being extra extra cynical because I'm hurt or if I'm just going along with it as a subconscious one-up man ship. I honestly don't know. The spark (on the phone and face to face) is definitely real but the timing is pretty crap.

OP posts:
PigletJohn · 17/03/2014 17:27

It seems to me that you are not fretting enough. You really need to find something extra to worry about Grin

Chances are he is not any more weird or peculiar than me or you or your next door neighbour or the man on the bus.

squoosh · 17/03/2014 17:30

I bet he keeps sandwiches in his trouser pockets for those moments when you just really need a snack. Cup a Soup sachets in his shirt pocket and sausage rolls in the glove compartment of his car.

crazy88 · 17/03/2014 17:41

Hmm. It doesn't sound to me like you are in a great frame of mind to be starting a relationship, it sounds a bit rebound to me esp given the timing. I feel a bit sorry for him now.

Having said that, If there is a spark though, it's worth pursuing, whatever his shortcomings and your reservations. I met my dh on the rebound and had lots of doubts initially but we have been happy together for 12 years now. I think you would regret it if you didn't go for it. Smile

neontetra · 17/03/2014 17:41

Are you dating the man I share an office with? (hope not, I know his girlfriend). He talks about food ALL the time, and asks what I had for dinner last night every day. He is lovely, he just loves food-chat. To be honest, I like a fair bit of food-chat myself. I wouldn't let it put you off, unless it becomes to monotonous and boring. Good luck!

expatinscotland · 17/03/2014 17:56

He's not going to settle for just a popcorn combo. He's going to expect nachos and hot dog, too. Best to take along a few euros and then say you're out of money.

Can't say you weren't warned! ;o

'Thinking about how you are both equal partners and not expecting either of you to sub the other...it's a good sign.'

This obsession with point-scoring, tit-for-tat and 'subsidising' is incredibly unhealthy and counter-productive, especially on a first date.

It's a date, not a fucking pre-nup agreement. Supposed to be fun, not right away firing in with who pays what.

PigletJohn · 17/03/2014 18:17

This obsession with "rules" and compulsory behaviours is incredibly unhealthy and counter-productive, especially on a first date.

Here in 1955 Britain, all right-thinking people agree that men have proper jobs and proper wages, so obviously they pay for everything. Girlies don't earn anything, because they just have little jobs to fill in until they find a man and can become housewives. Possibly by the time Britain enters the 1990s attitudes will change.

expatinscotland · 17/03/2014 18:28

Ask someone on a date, pay for it, male or female. Ask someone on a date, then fire right in with 'I will pay for this, but you will pay for that,' wow! What an attractive trait, dictating who pays for what before you even get there and tit-for-tating.

Talk about a buzzkill.

expatinscotland · 17/03/2014 18:29

No 'rules' other than going with the flow, chilling out and not nickeling and diming from the get go.

kennyp · 17/03/2014 18:34

i think "grub" would make me shudder. ditto "a bite to eat", "a meal", "a wine".

i hate popcorn and wouldn't eat it if you paid me so you could make a big woo hoo and pay for his bucket and then tell him if he sticks his genitals up the bottom if it (like men do?!??! i read it somewhere so i must be true ...) thhen the only person who'll be feeling it is him as you HATE popcorn and you always take your own soup to the cinema. and then slurp it noisily and belch.

and although you go to the cinema with him, what's to say you'll be watching different films??? hmmmm????? (joke!)

expatinscotland · 17/03/2014 18:38

Are some people truly unable to sit through a film without having to eat?

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 17/03/2014 18:49

Another little query for yous, sorry I'm a pain in the arse!!

He's not going to be driving, something up with his car or something and I just sold mine but we're both about twenty minute walk from the cinema in opposite directions. Would I be completely unreasonable to expect him to walk me home? (it would add 20ish mins onto his journey but he wouldn't have to turn back if that makes sense, he can continue on to his from mine) I think that would be the nail in the coffin for me but I'm going to take everything you say on board so your advise isn't falling on deaf ears I promise!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 17/03/2014 18:52

You know what kind of response you are going to get here for that, Domestic. What is this, 1950?! How dare you expect that!

Frankly, I'd take money for a taxi, that is, if you have any left after he scoffs out the entire cinema. Is there no night bus?

;)